Have my first au pair and have questions!

[UpSeeDaisies]

Our first au pair joined us recently and so far everything's been great. The kids love her and she's settling in nicely. But it's the first time we've had someone live in so we're still finding our feet.

Three things in particular have cropped up.

• I get that we are supposed to welcome her as part of the family and have invited her to a few things we've done at the weekends. She's also been good at meeting people and keeping herself busy at weekends. But occasionally she's home on a day where we would like some family only time. Is it ok not to invite her to everything? Today stood out as she was in her room watching movies for most of the day but we wanted to do some things on our own but felt a bit guilty!
• do au pairs have the bank holidays off typically? Obviously there is one coming up and I wasn't sure.
• do you pay/contribute to flights home at Christmas? I wasn't sure whether I should offer.

Fairly minor things really but any suggestions welcome! We've been really lucky so I hope the good start continues!

Speaking as an ex- au pair having only family time (ie where the au pair isn't invited) is totally fine - I often found it a relief. Even though I was welcomed 'as part of the family' there is always that awkward line as to 'am I invited along for a helping hand or am I invited for my company'. I was definitely never offended or put out if the family went to do their own thing, which they did do most of the time.

Bank holidays - I had off but if I was asked to work I was paid a nanny wage ie £10/hr ... Or whatever the going rate is. Obviously the nature of the job is flexible so I was asked to work a bank holiday in lieu of another day I should have been working which worked well for me

And I always paid my own flights home but think it completely varies family to family!

You have to gauge with each au pair but sometimes you do need to do things on your own otherwise it becomes too intense. I tended to invite people if i was going somewhere they might enjoy as a tourist i.e. beach etc. I was always clear what working hours where and it was when I was at work and off when I wasn't. I sometimes paid fares home or I gave a gift of extra spending money. The trick to making the arrangement work is knowing what your audience pair wants to get from the experience and making sure you are a match for each other