CM CLUB: Mindee refusing to tidy up deliberate mess?

[StrawberryFULLMoonOWOWOWWWWWWW]

Gets lots of toys out, pours sticky (glue-ing thing) box out and when says theyre getting another drawer of toys out, i said no, you will have to tidy the other toys away first.
saying NO (3 yr old)

i say we can only get more toys out if everything else is put away and sorted out..NO

third time..if you wont help tidy up the mes you have made and put the other toys away, then you cant play in the play room as we have to look after the toys so we can always have them...NO

i said they had to go in living room then, no toys, no games..if they wont help and look after toys, then they cant play with them...NO!

so stayed there for over 30 mins..me asking if they were ready to tidy up..them telling me NO!

what would you do/have done?

I would have gone andstarted looking in the Job section of the local newspaper

I really dont know how you keep sane doing the job you do... you must have alot of patience

..nah not giving up quite yet

AND when told mum about it she asked her dd and dd said yes he did do it and mum never even said so much as ehhh, im sorry she did that!..even though it couldnt do anything..id be mortified if my dd was behaving like that!

well im trying!![hmm}

time out!! then after hoe ever mins..ask them again..and keep going ..stick to your guns..but make sure you make a fuss of any that DO tidy up and give them a sticker for doing so well and ignore the mindee that doesnt want to help..i bet that `ll get her thinking about that sticker//tee hee!!

..am doing stickers at minute for road safety etc..and my dd went to try and tidy it all up..bless, so we did most of it together and i said she was a very good, kind girl for helping..but then she says'''"becauuse xxx isnt a good girl is she?..she's naughty and silly isnt she!!"

i agree with bambi........stick to your guns,time out untill mindee realises that no more toys come out till others are tidied up.
as for the parent not backing you up............im not suprised atall!

They never want to tidy away. But if you do it for them they'll never join in. Stick with your rules, if they want to sit doing nothing rather than put something away, let them. But let them see everyone else is having fun!

Tidy up Time = Race Time
who can put the most duplo bricks in the duplo box? (can give each child a colour if u want)
Whos the fastest at putting a car in the car box.
Who's can fold the dollies clothes the neatest ... etc ...

Or if you've only one mindie - guessing games
Are you going to choose the train or the teddy to put away, I wonder. I think you're going to put the teddy away first ... (often will choose the train just to prove you wrong, but it will be a toy put away just the same).

ive even had children over the years who have said "mummy/daddy" says we dont have to help clean up, thats your job. stick to a set rule, i find time out works if its just the one playing up but you seem to have more than one? you need to make the parent realise it is a "house rule" that they clear up after themselve. good luck.

just the one full time and my dd but this week had one befor and after school(she was great)
but dd is very 'adult' and thinks its up to her to tell mindee what to do!..bless

strawberry i kno all about dd1 bossing about etc, sounds like we have similar dd's and mindee's, would you like to msn me so we can support each other?

oooh, how do i do that????

And what did you say to your dd when she starting calling your minded child nasty names? I think that's a bigger issue than a stubborn three year old actually.

if u give me your email address i can contact you so we can chat online

you need to develop tidy-up games .. poor kid is only 3

invest in some of those grabbers and make it a pick-up game

or

race them to throw the toys in the toy box

once you've asked once and he's said no .. distract him .. take him out of room for something else .. ie maybe focus on having a drink on a snack .. then have a big grin and take him back with a jolly lets all tidy up

why are you getting into a 30 mins debate with a 3 year old??? makes no sense to me at all

i just said that although mindee is being silly, it is not up to her(dd) to say these things.
its up to mummy to sort out the problem and she is being just as silly saying these things about her.
i said if mindee is doing something i have to speak to her about, then she should not get invloved and focus on what she is doing herself, not other people..is that ok??

with my mindees we turn "tidy up time" into a game and we see if we can get it all away and sitting ready for a story or snack or trip to park before the music runs out.

WE use any music but the favourite and no one can resist going in to is when we play the theme tune from mission impossible!

It really does work everytime, I've even had them asking if we can have tidy up time early

With mindees refusing things I work on ignoring the negative and praising the positive so I would have praised (in a jolly, dramatic way;) ) every single thing that was put away and usually the non-helpful one joins in.

Its not easy but I have to say I way prefer the children than some of their parents IYKWIM

TwigTwoolet - i have 'developed' and we did use all the usual lets tidy up games like you and some one else suggested( same as i do with my own 3 yr old), she just said no...i offered stickers for the best/quickest tidyer up...NO and so on...

i didnt get into any kind of debate with the child..i asked her to tidy she said no, she was asked (using the tidy up ideas and other things)three times..no debate!..answer never changed so she was told to sit in living room as if she wouldnt look after the toys, she couldnt play with them...this was what went on for about 1/2 hour, not a debate of any kind....i kept going back in..asking if she was ready to help tidy up so we could play with the other things...no

its just like i said in my OP..she was asked, she said no..she went for time out..bearing in mind this child as well as pouring drawers full of toys onto the floor tipped up a large box of glliter/glue/pens/paints/sticky paper/tinsley art stuff....so i did need to clear it up anyway if she wouldnt otherwise no one could have played in there!

Sorrel - my dd said she was naughty and silly, those arn't nasty words imo, although she was spoken to about it anyway.
my daughter doesnt behave like this, so she will have thought mindee was being naughty.

busybusymum, yeah the children are normally excellent at tidying up os i say something like ok, so if you tidy up x and you tidy up z, we;ll see who can do it the fastest and the winner gets to pick the story we're going to read...nothing worked yesterday?!

in that case: perhaps a time out ot just forget it, move on and drink red wine!!!!!!!!;) not when mindees are there though

..what are you doing in the cupboard mummy??..oh er..just er...finding some er... hic!

nah dont drink, but good idea!

seriously I do try to control what they get out in the first place, to a pile that I can put away quickly if I need to and that they dont see it as too much and therefore give up before trying.

good luck

at 3 years old i think you are quite right to expect them to help tidy up. They will be at school soon and this sort of behaviour is not acceptable. stick to your guns. your house, your rules.

yes i agree my dd is 3 and half and she has always tidyed up after herself when asked since shes been phsically able too!..im not talking about mopping floors and hoovering..just putting back what theyve finished playing with and id expect any other children to do the same otherwise my dd will think why is mummy tidying up for them and i have to do it myself?

we're sticking and glueing again now (am i asking for trouble or what) and she has been better today, we havent got to tidying it up yet cos dd still doing it but mindee now in dresing up box, so when all art stuff is done, ill get them bth to help me put it away.
have noticed today mindee doesnt 'listen ' to anyone when she's asking them a question/to play etc..she just keeps repeating same question until they give in and do it ie: "xxx want to play dress up now"..directed at dd..dd says she's still doing her pictures..."xxx want to play dress up now"..gets to the point where dd whos only 6 months older says mummy she wont listen to me
all fun!