Live in nanny or live out nanny?

[bodgerthebadger]

Hi, I'm currently torn b/w getting a live in or live out nanny and hoping to get some advice here that will help me make up my mind. To date, we've only ever used a private nursery so have no personal experience of nannies. We're now moving to a nanny as the cost of two at private nursery is the same as a live out nanny where we live, so it makes sense to move to a nanny once I return to work (make my life a lot easier as I won't have to do the nursery run with two).

We were originally considering a live in nanny as we have the space for it in our house. The main driver is that this seems to be considerably cheaper plus it seems the norm to have at least one night's babysitting thrown in (unlikely we'd use it but nice to have). The cost of a live out nanny would be the same as (sometimes more) than what my DH earns net, hence why cost is a major consideration. We could afford a live out nanny but we would have to cut back significantly in other areas but it would be do-able.

Our main concerns with a live in nanny are: (a) loss of privacy. We have the space but the house isn't huge. DH and I both like to chill out at home a lot doing nothing much more than flop out on the sofa and watch films. Whilst I suspect the nanny would most likely be in her room or out when not working, the loss of privacy may be an issue for us and I fear I would be in permanent "host" mode and not relaxed in my own home (I don't know for sure as I've not been in this situation before), and (b) by and large, the candidates we've been getting only have minimal or zero child care experience. Generally speaking, they are all quite young, usually from abroad and see it as an opportunity to improve their English/live in London (which isn't a massive surprise but we'd been hoping to attract some career or more experienced nannies at least).

For me, (a) is something I could live with if we had a nanny that was amazing but, so far, it seems that the better pool of candidates seem to be those who only want to be live out nannies. This person will be looking after two so it is essential they have child care experience and, more importantly, want to take care of children!

Has anyone here ever had experience of both live in and live out nannies? How do they compare? Is the saving really that significant when you factor in the extra food, fuel bills etc? (Nanny will only be working 4 days a week.)

Argh ---- not sure what to think! Crippled with indecision right now :-(

Will the nanny have her own bathroom and toilet?
Room for all her possessions?
Have the ability to come and go at 3am on Saturday morning after a night out?
Cook good when she wants?

Do you want to see your nanny in her pj's at 11am on a Sunday?
Try and share the basin while you both get ready for work?
Have her food taking up room in the fridge?

If no to all these then you want a live out nanny.

I have done both. I only lived in if I had my own room that locked with my own bathroom. Sharing with your employers is odd to me.

It depends also on what hours she is working too.

When costing a live in nanny, remember to include food, gas and electricity costs.

Live-in will only work if you are completely happy sharing your home or can provide the nanny with a self-contained living area. From what you say I don't think a live-in nanny is right for you.

It sounds like the responses you're getting are from au pairs. Where are you advertising and what salary are you offering?

I feel you are right to consider the motivation behind those who apply as if they are wanting the job due to it being in London then what happens when they get bored of London? A live-out nanny is more likely to be settled where they live, happy with how things are in London, not trying to live a dream.

Where in London may make a difference, someone local knows that x place is actually miles from the city and takes y time and cost to travel to the city. Whereas someone who does not know the area may not know the area you live in, how far it is from places they may want to go, cost of travel.

You want the best applicant, they may come from outside of your area or they may not. I would lean more to live-out but would keep an open mind about applicants who want live in, if they were the best candidate.

Your children are nursery age so are quite young, so finding someone with experience of their ages is important.

4 days a week gives you 3 days of not having someone in your home, if they were live-out. You like to relax at your home, could you do that if someone else is there? Think about when you have had relatives visit, a live-in nanny should be going out more than a relative might but they may not. If going out is costly, they may stay in a lot.

You won't know until you try it.

I've no experience of a live in nanny, but we had two who came daily when our children were small (one after the other not at he same time!). The first had their own child and had a big network of local nanny friends, so ds had lots of time with other children going to different soft play places and visiting their houses. The only downside was that she used the bus and when her little boy started at nursery and I had dd that really didn't work for any of us. The second one had her own car and was pretty independent. The children spent lots of time in parks and got plenty of fresh air. She was fantastic really, managed dh and me really well too

I don't think we wodul have coped very well with a live in nanny (we didn't have the space so it wasn't an issue). dh is very introvert and I'm not sure I would have been OK with sharing my space either.

I think having a successful live in nanny is all about finding a nanny who suits your family.

I have worked as a nanny for over 20years, and approx 14years of that have been living with families. My current family have had me living with them for 4.5years. In that time we have all managed to respect each other's space, and privacy! A live in nanny doesn't have to change the way you behave in your own house. Just make sure you discuss things really well at interview!

I'm currently looking for a new position and the couple of interviews I have been too, have told me that there are very few well experienced candidates looking for live in work. But we are around, so as long you are offering a good job with good living space, I am sure you will find a good candidate to suit your family.

Good Luck x