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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Childminder passing comment on my life

27 replies

Reindeerpoopscoop · 13/12/2013 22:45

I will state from the start that I have no concerns for my child's care while they are at the childminder.

But the childminder has made a few comments that Made me feel crap about myself.

My DP runs his own business and is very busy working every day. I work part time two days and also help with my dp's business and also do bookkeeping for two other small businesses from home. DD goes to childminder three days a week (two of which I go to my proper job). One of the days she is at the childminder I use run errands, do weekly food shop and house chores and cooking. I feel by doing this it means DD gets to have fun while I am doing the boring stuff and I have more time to spend with her when she is at home.

Childminder has made a few comments about me "not working today" and says to DD mummy has to go "shopping"

She commented on a "lovely" top I was wearing one day (it was from a supermarket, 4 years old and washed to death) "she never gets time to herself to go shopping"

Comment on Facebook about never getting a day to herself.

I feel that she thinks I am leaving DD with her to go off and have fun.

She also makes lots of comments about hating Mondays and can't believe the weekend is over. Feels great when she is going to be looking after DD.

Am I just being too sensitive because I do feel guilty leaving DD.

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GideonKipper · 13/12/2013 22:49

She sounds like a bit of a martyr, but then again a lot of people moan about work and feeling hard done by. It's her job; she gets paid for it so it's nothing to do with her what you do while you pay her to look after your dd. If you genuinely are happy with the standard of her care then just make a point of ignoring her comments.

superram · 13/12/2013 22:51

What if you were going to have fun everyday-spend the day having lunch and drink or a facial?

It is no business of hers what you do. I am a teacher and had my children in a none term time nursery. Sometimes I went to work in the holidays, some days I went for lunch-it was no business of nursery what I wax doing.

GideonKipper · 13/12/2013 22:52

In fact, I think if she said something about me going 'shopping' I'd probably say 'Well, food shopping, then cleaning, washing, ironing and cooking. Fun times!' and hope she takes the hint.

Original poster

Reindeerpoopscoop · 13/12/2013 22:55

Thank you both I know you are right. It's her chip on her shoulder not mine, I just need to ignore.

OP posts:

YankNCock · 13/12/2013 22:56

I'm a childminder myself, and I don't think you're being too sensitive about some parts. I'm very conscious of what I say on Facebook or to parents about my personal life, for exactly the reason you say, I would never want them to think I was anything less than 100% happy to have their children with me.

Obviously there are some days when I'm tired, and I don't feel like working, and I have to fix a big grin on my face and just get through the day, but it's not the kid's fault, and it's not their parent's fault. They are paying me to do a job, and if I want a day off, I have to schedule it like anyone else.

The 'lovely top' comment, that might be a bit sensitive on your part, could be it was just a compliment followed by a throwaway comment, I could easily hear myself saying something like that, but it would be in more of a self deprecating type of way, not a dig. However, only you are in a position to have heard the tone, and given the other things she's said. . .

twentyten · 13/12/2013 22:59

I would just say I was working three days- tactic I use with my dm when I'm having a play day for me.....

goldie81 · 13/12/2013 22:59

As a cm it's no business of mine what parents get up to. Without parents working/doing jobs then I wouldn't have a job! I actually encourage parents to drop off even if they're not working! Kids love it & need routine & they def don't want to be shopping

NoComet · 13/12/2013 23:06

Absolutely non of her business. I didn't work, but was lucky enough to be able to afford to send DD2 to nursery 1 day a week. Originally it was a mornings peace and an afternoon with DD1. Then, when DD1 went from preschool to reception, it was a whole day peace.

I had no family round the corner and baby sitting. I don't do small people 24/7 and DD2 loves being with children her around her own age, it kept us both sane

CranberryCookie · 13/12/2013 23:07

I was a childminder while my kids were tiny but now use childcare myself. I have half a day a week when I run errands while my youngest is in nursery and I would be gobsmacked if anyone at the nursery said anything. Equally, when I was a childminder I was aware that my mindee's mum would have days off work and still send her child to me - why the hell shouldn't she?

Childminding is really hard work and it could be that she's going through a low point and is jealous of your life. I found it harder in the winter when you don't have the option of spending hours at the park in the sunshine. However, her comments are inappropriate and potentially damaging to your daughter if she's old enough to understand, so I'd be calling her on it.

Don't be aggressive - after all you're happy with the care - but stand behind your choices. If she says anything again about you going shopping I'd call her on it. Perhaps you could say something like:

"You've mentioned my day off a few times - would you prefer it if I looked after dd on x day and only sent her to you two days a week?"

Her answer will tell you what you need to know. I'd then ask her to stop mentioning it in front of your daughter as she could be upset by it. Again I have first hand experience of this. When I was about five I was at my childminder's in the summer holidays and felt ill. When my cm called my dad to come and get me he was there in five minutes because he was at home gardening - I was shocked and gutted - I couldn't understand why he would send me to the cm when he was at home. As an adult I can understand, but as a child I was devastated.

If you don't fancy the confrontation then, as an earlier poster said, just tell her you've gone up to working three days a week!

Another tack to improve things with your cm is to try killing her with kindness. One of my mum's used to verbally acknowledge what hard work her son could be and also buy me occasional little gifts - hand cream or a voucher for somewhere - it made me feel appreciated. But obviously don't do that if you're skint yourself.

Original poster

Reindeerpoopscoop · 13/12/2013 23:18

Thank you all, just hearing that I'm not a crap mum for putting her in childcare an extra day makes me feel better. It is probably partly my own guilt, we are not actually much better off financially with me working at the moment but I am keeping my foot in the door.

OP posts:

NoComet · 14/12/2013 00:02

Not a crap Mum at all and don't feel guilty for keeping your foot in the door, I wish beyond anything I had a career to go back too.

Also I found I resented giving DH time to himself at a weekend far less because I got Wednesdays. He needs to feel on top of the house jobs or to chill with his geek. So it was a win for him too.

GoodnessKnows · 14/12/2013 05:00

You're so not a crap mum. But you're a bit sensitive to her comments - and so would I be! She sounds a tad jealous. I'd probably say in an upbeat tone: "Working today!"

Blondeshavemorefun · 14/12/2013 09:29

Not a crap mum at all and every mum need a bit of time out if they can manage it

Far better you do all the stuff without dd and then other 4 days spend. Having fun

She sounds jealous

Fb - that's why I NEVER have employers on mine / tho obv you aren't her employer but sometimes we want/need a moan and if they/you saw it then makes you feel bad

Many people say ahhhhh Monday don't want to work etc

Or just tell her you now work 3 days a week and don'te room shopping et c

HSMMaCM · 14/12/2013 12:01

Several of my mindees parents have already told me they're finishing early Christmas Eve and going shopping, or to the pub, or wherever. Good for them. That's what they pay me for. If your CM wants extra days off then that's up to her to organise less contracted days.

One parent doesn't work at all and it's none of my business what she does with her days, unless she wants to tell me.

BranchingOut · 14/12/2013 12:21

Hide her on Facebook?

Mrscupcake23 · 14/12/2013 19:34

Not a crap mum, but I would not look at her Facebook. I think you are being a bit over sensitive and maybe feel guilty about leaving your dd when not working. You don't need to be or answer to anyone.

busyDays · 14/12/2013 22:16

It can be a bit of a tricky balance being a childminder. I have parents constantly telling me how tired they are, how glad they are that it is Friday, how work is so stressful, etc. Usually I just nod and listen as I can't really admit to them that I feel the same way about my job. I find it becomes harder over time to remain professional as the relationship naturally becomes more friendly and I have to be very careful about what I say. It could just be that you childminder feels that you have become a friend and she has opened up a bit more without realising that it upsets you.

MPB · 15/12/2013 01:27

Maybe she wishes she has a day off to do paper work / run errands / shop etc. I'm a CM and have 6 glorious hours to myself whilst mine are at school on a Friday. The rest of the time I have two little ones and anything up to 6 more after school!

I am seriously considering dropping Friday after school altogether so I can have a proper day off. I'd love to drop a Thursday as well!

I always share my delight at having my boys to myself/ at home in the holidays. My parents usually like this sort of status update. I am very careful though about what I say as I'd never want parents to think I didn't want their children.

mathanxiety · 15/12/2013 01:47

I would actually be looking for another CM if she resents her job so much she posts her resentment on FB. Her comments in front of your daughter are completely unprofessional and that would really bother me. It is absolutely no business of hers what you do in the time your DD is with her. She is getting paid and she has a job to do and that should be the end of the story.

LingDiLong · 15/12/2013 08:52

I'm not surprised you are fed up by this. I wouldn't mind betting she wouldn't be happy if you dropped the third day as she'd lose money! Is she fairly new at the job? I like being self employed but do find the no work equals no pay aspect hard to get used to and maybe she does too?

anewyear · 15/12/2013 15:59

Personally I dont think its got anything to do with her wether your shopping or working,

dancingwithmyselfandthecat · 24/12/2013 13:17

I'm a bit shocked that she thinks its ok to be negative about her work to a client, particularly in a field as personal as childcare.

Some people like moaning. That is what anonymous forums and friends are for. That is not what customers and bosses are for, especially when your job is to look after the most precious thing in their lives! Not the same field, but I would have been disciplined or sacked for doing this, and would do the same now if an employee did.

So long as you pay her on time and pick up on time, you can spend the hours your daaughter is with her bungee jumping, painting your toenails, having sex with your dp. It is not her business to comment on. If she doesn't like it, she doesnt have to take your money. Suggest you point that out to her!

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 26/12/2013 21:37

I think it is awful that she moans about Mondays and makes snide comments about you not working on days when she has your child. It is SO unprofessional.

I think I'd consider finding alternate childcare.

Twinklestarstwinklestars · 27/12/2013 01:53

I have a little girl 1 1/2 days a week just so mum can run errands etc, get dad is away quite a lot so mum gets no break and also when he's home they get a few hours peace which is rare for them. If your daughter is happy going you're doing nothing wrong.

BrianTheMole · 27/12/2013 02:07

What you do in the day is nothing to do with her. And I wouldn't be happy with the fb comments. Very unprofessional. Unless you're really happy with her otherwise, I would consider finding alternative childcare.

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