I need to give my au-pair notice....

[SquashySponge]

She is just not working out. I've tried to give her pointers, guidelines etc but she does not seem that interested. She's been here 3 weeks, and I feel she is making my life more stressful and harder. I've decided the best way forward is to cut my losses and start again.

However, I'm really not sure the best way to call it a day. Our contract states a week's notice on either side, but if I gave 3 weeks notice that would give both of us time to make alternative arrangements. However, I am worried that during the 3 weeks she may lose interest entirely or become very angry.

Did you find her through an agency? Can they help you with this?

I would also be concerned about the notice period. Is there anyone else who can help you out while you find someone new so that you don't feel that you have to leave you child(ren) with someone who might have lost all interest?

You could speak to her and see how she feels about working during the the notice period, or an extended notice period.

It might be that she feels unhappy to and is quite glad you are calling it a day.

definitely go through your agency, if you have one. take their advice BEFORE doing anything. however, serving notice should come from you, not them - its not something anyone looks forward to doing, but is a reality you must face...you can be pretty confident its going to be worse for her than it will be for you.

generally speaking, and within the terms of the contract, my recommendation would be the shorter the notice period, the better.

you may be underestimating her, or fearing the worst once you deliver this news, but you maybe surprised. bottom line, though, is that if she reacts in a way that is a genuine concern, you would probably have rights to get her out of the house quicker than the minimum period stated in the contract.

if you pay her a week in arrears, then the chances are she will still want to fulfill her duties in order to get paid.

She's not from an agency. I could arrange temporary cover after school too.

However, my concern is over her behaviour during the notice period - whether that is 1 week or 3 - and the atmosphere in the house. I'd like to give her plenty of time look for another family, but I'm not sure how feasible this is. I think she would be really upset with a week's notice.

Also there are complications as she mentioned her family have already rented out her room back home!

I may sound mean but I would give her 1 week only. You dont want to put up with her if she's going to be miserable or angry.

I gave my previous au-pair 4 weeks notice and she left 2 days later. I had no childcare sorted out as I trusted she would stay....

Sort out some childcare and once you are ready, just tell her.

I gave ours an extended notice to be considerate to them but they became very hostile and shouted at us in front of the children. The atmosphere was awful in the house during the notice period. From now on I would only ever give the contractual notice or pay in leu if possible.

I would pay her two or three weeks 'pay' but ask her to leave immediately. I would also consider paying her travel costs home.

I would pay her in lieu of notice and give her a week to go but during that week have someone else look after the kids.

I gave our aupair 2 weeks notice last night. I addressed a few issues that we had and she disagrees with them all, it was followed by her crying. She is leaving next sat but has demanded her travel arrangements to be paid (£200). We are paying it but I am not looking forward to the atmosphere in the house next week.

I would pay her and tell her to go straight away - I would want someone looking after kids who is making life difficult - this can also get awkward. start looking now for someone else, even a short term CM.

I think you need to either give her reasonable notice to find somewhere to go, or pay for her flight home - if you just pay her notice and tell her to get out, where is she supposed to go? 1 week's pocket money isn't going to get her very far.

Is she going to work again as ap?
If so i would imply that i can give her reference oon how she coped with working the notice i.e. in a mature way

I have done his before and am going to do it again. I am ultimately paying for the privilege of looking after someone else's miserable, lazy, unreliable, spoilt teenager. I approach it by pointing out how they are not doing what they contractually agreed to do, how that we really needed someone to 'muck in' and help, how we have given her a few weeks to adjust and I am finding myself repeating about how it would be nice to wipe a work surface clean when tidying the kitchen and ultimately it shows that their heart isn't in it which means that they are unhappy. I wouldn't want to continue hosting them if they were so unhappy for their own welfare. I would even suggest that that if I was their mother that I wouldn't want my daughter being unhappy in a foreign company so, as a mother, I think it would be better if they went home to the bosom of their family.... And not to look at the experience as a failure.

Laquitar - lots of au-pairs obtain "references" from friends... I dont really trust references.

A week may be a short time but if this is what was agreed then I wouldnt give her any more (or pay any travel costs). They should save/have enough money as a back up.

DH is saying that we should give her a final chance this week.

Domesticette, I think we must have the same au-pair . I found your approach very useful and tonight have had THE CHAT, using your suggestions. I told her that unless she improves we will be have no option but to send her home. She looked quite shocked and has said she wants to give it a go.

Fingers crossed this time it will work. Otherwise on Friday I will be giving her a weeks notice - and searching for the next au-pair [SIGH]

I think au-pair world is going to be quite busy with available au-pairs now. It seems that are a few families with AP issues

It often is at this point in time. Some of them are genuinely decent au pairs who just aren't right for the family (too chatty, too quiet, better with older/younger kids), some are running from horrible families and some are genuinely crap. In a way it's almost easier to recruit after they've had a family not work out because you can easily pick up 'nice but not for us' or 'absolute disaster' from their previous host family.

Squashy: My only bad aupairs to date have only been from one country. I think it may be the way it was marketed at their end. My current one said an agency came into her school to talk about how great it was to do aupairing whilst they are on a gap year - so there may have been an element of misleading by the agency. All my other aupairs have been superb and a massive help and is why I am persistent with continuing with these arrangement. I may have been spoilt in the past but I believe there are so many willing aupairs who are desperate to get a chance, I will do anything to find them. Good luck!