Recently bereaved and job hunting.

Bereavednanny · 2013-04-13T15:38:08+00:00

I have recently lost my partner and my job in quick succession. I am obviously very sad about both of these occurrences. Should I tell agencies and families about it? If you were offered a nanny for interview who had recently lost someone would you still interview them? I am very good at my job, love children and need to be working so I don't think about him/it all the time. But it is very recent. I can't really afford to take time off to "recover". Any advise gratefully received.

needstodiet · 13/04/2013 16:48

First of all sorry for your loss OP

How recent is recent if you don't mind me asking?

Are you already registered with agencies? I really can't see a reason why not to mention tbh. Perhaps they can advise 're families.

I've been where you are. From a personal point of view, work was good for me. Although I never forgot, working helped to keep me going and took my mind elsewhere even if only for a few hours.

One possible worry for a family would be whether you are ready to return to work yet?

fraktion · 13/04/2013 18:04

Sorry for your loss :(

I don't really think it's any of the family's business if you feel able to work. Could you try temping for a while?

Gigondas · 13/04/2013 18:13

So sorry for your loss.

I agree with others that if you are ready to work , it is none of family's business . I can completely see why you need to work emotionally as well as financially.

My concern would be how you would cope emotionally at work. To give you an example. We had a nanny whose father was sadly very ill which was understandably difficult. The problem was that I was also unwell which became very emotive for her and affected how she behaved towards me and the children. There was a line which was crossed where sympathy for her ran Over into making things stressful at home.

Obviously this came up when nanny was in job . I am not sure how far you could or would discuss this at interview and tbh I am unsure how it would be tackled on either side.

Blondeshavemorefun · 13/04/2013 18:14

sorry for your loss and btw you are doing so well :) blondes squeezes through screen and ((hugs)) very un mn but in these times you need a hug x

as you know i also was bereaved and lost my job at the same time - from a personal view i told agencies to tell agencies that i was widowed as didnt want them to ask was i married/what did hubby do as a job etc etc - as they always do as if nothing else polite conversation and i wore rings and said on cv i was married

thats now been changed

as you also know i needed to work, for financial and also for my emotional and social well being - but i will say that it was prob the best thing i did temping rather then going straight into another new family - all jobs were different and i hit the ground running and was busy

in your case tbh they prob dont need to know and although not dismissing your oh, if they ask if you have a boyfriend/partner i would say no and leave it at that

Original poster

Bereavednanny · 13/04/2013 20:31

needstodiet Very recent - two weeks ago today. I have registered with a few agencies and one of them knows and has said that she doesn't see the need to tell prospective families.

I still have four weeks left at my current job so it will be 6-8 weeks after his death that I will be able to start a new job.

I also need to work, I am going slightly insane doing nothing. Much more together when I am busy.

Gigondas I like to think I am professional in my role and can separate my work and private life, that said, time will tell as I have had two weeks off work and am going back on Monday, although I have seen my charge since and managed to keep it together!

blondes you wouldn't say I was doing so well if you could see me now! Not showered, wearing his favourite dress, glasses on! Haven't even brushed my hair. Barely moved from the sofa. Lots and lots of tears today. I have had lots to drink and eaten the rest of the soup from Wednesday with a slice of bread and two glasses of milkshake! Might have to go to bed now, think K is trying to freak me out!

OP posts:

Gigondas · 13/04/2013 21:26

Bereaved that is so recent. Have you got any help In rl? Believe boards here are good and also cruse.

Also the way you post and have thought about this does indicate that you are thinking about this in a different way. I wasn't meaning to make things tricky for you- merely highlight how a similar issue had been difficult for us as employers (although tbf it was probably just the biggest in a series of boundary and communication issues which doesn't seem to be your issue at all).

Sending you love and kind wishes at this awful time for you.

Blondeshavemorefun · 13/04/2013 21:31

:( why didn't you call me. You should of come over and could of had a rw cuddle and cry at mine - thought you had plans today/tonight

I keep telling you it's such early days for you - don't beat yourself up. Cry if you want to. I still do almost 2years on XX

calmlychaotic · 14/04/2013 16:51

So sorry for your loss. As an employer it would not affect my decision to take someone on. I hope you find a perfect job soon x x

WouldBeHarrietVane · 14/04/2013 17:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Bereavednanny · 16/04/2013 12:23

Thank you so much for your lovely replies.

I'm not doing so good at the moment. I'm back at work and holding myself together in front of my charge but as she knew him well, she keeps asking where he has gone! Her parents (who also knew him well as he worked for them too) haven't told her (or many other people, which surprises me!) so it's not my place to tell her so have to just say that he has gone away. She then says she misses him and asks if I miss him too!!!

He's from another country and his parents have taken him back there, he was cremated yesterday afternoon, which is what he wanted so I am thankful about that but I couldn't go. I didn't know his parents, never met them and as they don't speak English, never spoke to them.

I just miss him so much and keep waiting for him to walk past the house or call me to ask what's for tea. I just cannot believe I will see or speak to him again.

Anyway, sorry this isn't the place for this. I've decided not to mention it to agencies or families unless I get a feeling that I would like the position and then I will tell them that I lost my partner at the beginning of the year.

Thanks again for all your kind words and wishes.

OP posts:

Original poster

Bereavednanny · 16/04/2013 12:37

Thank you so much for your lovely replies.

I'm not doing so good at the moment. I'm back at work and holding myself together in front of my charge but as she knew him well, she keeps asking where he has gone! Her parents (who also knew him well as he worked for them too) haven't told her (or many other people, which surprises me!) so it's not my place to tell her so have to just say that he has gone away. She then says she misses him and asks if I miss him too!!!

He's from another country and his parents have taken him back there, he was cremated yesterday afternoon, which is what he wanted so I am thankful about that but I couldn't go. I didn't know his parents, never met them and as they don't speak English, never spoke to them.

I just miss him so much and keep waiting for him to walk past the house or call me to ask what's for tea. I just cannot believe I will see or speak to him again.

Anyway, sorry this isn't the place for this. I've decided not to mention it to agencies or families unless I get a feeling that I would like the position and then I will tell them that I lost my partner at the beginning of the year.

Thanks again for all your kind words and wishes.

OP posts:

WouldBeHarrietVane · 16/04/2013 12:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.