au pair reasonable time returning home

[AnnaRH]

Hi. I need feedback from anyone who has or has had an au pair living in the house. Do you think it is reasonable for me to ask my au pair to be home by 12am during the week and if ask that if she is going to stay out past 1.30 am it only be once a week? She has been waking me and my 18 month old daughter up when she comes in the house at 3 am... Help!

there are families that have curfews on their aupairs (eventhough i think its more common in the us than in the uk). some of them have curfew during the week but not weekends. waking you up at three am is not on imho. is she actually loud or are you such light sleeper?

Not really, she is an adult. But you can ask her to come in more quietly.

If she is not fit for duty the next day that is of course a serious matter.

I think on the nights when she isn't working the next day she should be able to come back (or not) whenever she likes. She needs to stop waking you up though, so I'd talk to her about how noisy she's being when she comes in.

On a night when she needs to be at work the next morning, I think asking her to be back at a reasonable hour is ok. I wouldn't specifiy a time though, around 12ish is probably about right, but I wouldn't want to be worrying about getting in at 12:15am or something.

Hi,
We have it in an appendix to our contract that she has to use her common sense when out on nights which fall before her work days and we have put an example of common sense as midnightish. On other nights obviously she can come in whenever she wants but we just ask her to let us know if she is staying elsewhere so we can put the alarm on. None of our au pairs have had a problem with this requirement and they have all stayed with us a long time so I take it to mean that it is a reasonable request. I think it is totally fine for you to ask for her to come in around midnight on work days, especially if she has an early start. And I think it is also reasonable to ask her to be quiet enough not to wake everyone up when she gets in. That would really annoy me!

I am a live in nanny. In a past job I had a curfew which I found strange as I hadn't had one as a teenager and tbh I didn't think it was upto my bosses what time I got in.

In my current job my boss doesn't care as long as Im there for the start of work (and in a fit state) If Im out I tend to come in between 12-3 and everyone is asleep so am v quiet and lock up etc. Although I have sometimes returned at 710 (starting work at 715) Only once have I woken Mb (thankfully it was only 1030) as my key wouldn't work!!

I would just tell your ap to be quieter when she comes in (how much noise is she making anyway?)

Regardless what time the ap gets in she shouldn't be noisey and wake you or dd up :(

Is the 3am on a work night or weekend?

I wouldn't like a curfew - there are times I don't go to sleep till 2am and working next day - I'm not out partying just at home and can't settle and sleep :(

You wouldn't tell a live out nanny to be in bed by midnight

Saying that if her work is suffering then you have every right to ask her to be in at a time that suits you both

But is she making a lot of noise or does the OP just hear her come in. If MB comes in/goes out in the middle of the night Ill sometimes hear her - the click of the front door or the car engine but its not because she's making lots of noise just because I've stirred from sleep.