CM - should i stay

[amberglow]

I was just wondering how long I should expect my LO to settle with her childminder. She's been there for 3 months and still isn't happy. I'm wondering if I should see how it goes for another month, or start looking for an alternative. My LO is only one, and my CM describes her as clingy when there, but I think she just likes to follow you about to see whats going on as shes naturally inquisitive (aren't most 1 yr olds like this?). I was thinking of trying a nursery and see if she settles better there? But I don't wan't to unsettle her by starting again. Shes only there a few days a week when I'm working and spends the rest of her time home with me and I think shes quite confident around other adults/children but perhaps shes just like this as I'm around. I've though of leaving my LO with a close friend for a few hours to see how she is without me around but not sure how much this would help.

She may not be able to follow her CM everywhere. The CM may have other children to put to bed, or a child free kitchen for example. If your DD is used to being with you all the time, then she may be clingy with another carer who has other children to look after. Not saying this is a reason to stay or leave, but it might explain why she is a bit clingy (and would probably be the same anywhere). Leaving her with a friend might not give a true picture if she is still getting all the attention there.

Also, there's likely to be even more competition for attention at a nursery. Can you get your CM to elaborate on 'clingy'? Simply following someone around I would regard as perfectly normal, but if she needs to be held all the time then that may be hard on both of them - the CM because she can't do it and your DD because she needs it and can't have it. Also, don't minimise 'a few days a week' - that's a lot of time away from you for a 1yo, though it may not seem like much to you.

Could you maybe have one of the other mindees over for a play so so she can get to know them and see how much fun it can be to play with other children?

My CM doesn't have any other mindees during the day (until after the school run). I picked her as I thought my LO would get lots of 1:1 attention during the day. I wonder if my LO is bored when shes there if she is only allowed to play in the livingroom (they never go out during the day, my CM is waiting on her setttling first which I understand)

3 months without going out during the day I would find a bit wierd tbh (as a cm and as a parent). I have worked 1:1 with 1 year olds and in some ways it is lovely because you can focus on their needs if they are feeling a bit clingy or unsettled, but at the same time I would be wanting to get out and about a) because it's good for the mindee to see other children, have a change of scene, play outside, feed ducks etc and b) because I would get lonely and probably a bit bored. Is there anywhere that would be a familiar environment for your LO (park/soft play/library etc that you also go to) that you CMer could take her?
Like Zuleika said I think you need to find out what exactly the minder means by 'clingy' - is it anxious clingy, wanting to be held all the time, or wanting attention clingy, which could be boredom if she's in the same room all day long.

The word clingy sounds the complete opposite of how you describe her which is confident ,they are not words that generally go together . I'd be moving her and I'd be looking for someone with other children or a nursery it's probably really dull for your daughter being in one room all day ! I can't believe the CM doesn't take her out ,that's seriously strange.

If anything going out would probably help, I would never stay in all day with a child struggling to settle. It would break the day up and make her see she will have fun at the cm too.

In some ways a nursery may find it easier to deal with a clingy child as there are more staff, so if one needs to pop out of the room there is always another one available. And having a clingy child on a lap doesn't stop them from interacting with other children.

Not going out would drive me and DD stir crazy. As an inquisitive child your DD may well be bored. I would be inclined to move her as I would have doubts that the CM will ever change enough to be the right setting. Could you afford some overlap so that you could see if she settles any better at the alternative?

I agree with going out. Clingy children are often very happy when feeding ducks, swinging on swings, etc.

I can't believe you have been happy with this arrangement! 3 months without being taken out?

I'm thinking either your cm is the most creative person in the world to amuse a 1year old inside all day or she is lazy and just after some easy money.

I think you need to talk to your CM about taking your DD out, it could very well be boredom.

You may want to look elsewhere, my formerly clingy Velcro DS settled fast at his CM. There are other children there and they go out everyday. I think getting absorbed into that busy environment really helped him to settle in.

Think about the result you want for your DD, if she isn't happy and the CM isn't going to change things then it would be best to move.

thanks for the advice :) I've got a few weeks over xmas hols to decide what to do :)