dilemma - please help (long-ish)

[peasepudding]

This is a tricky one and I am really not sure what to do.

My two year old DD started at a new childminder at the end of October, although in fact due to holidays and illnesses she has only done two full weeks - this is her third. She seemed to be settling okay - crying, but stopping quite quickly - but now starts crying as soon as we get in the lift to her flat and cries for half an hour or so after I have left. It absolutely breaks my heart.

On top of this - and this is the real issue, her childminder (who is lovely) has decided to stop childminding for health reasons . I am sympathetic to this and can suck up the inconvenience - but I am now wondering whether I should just pull her out now rather than keep her there until January, which is when cm has suggested that we move her. Dh and I could probably just about manage to cover the weeks until Christmas with annual leave.

I am really struggling leaving a distressed child somewhere when there is absolutely no point as she is going to have to settle elsewhere and that I would imagine will be harder second time round.

But I don?t know if I am obliged to fulfil the notice period given that I know that our cm already decided to stop childminding when dd started properly.
So all this time we have been settling her in, cm has known that she is going to give up - tbh I am quite upset that dd has been put through all this distress for nothing.

Help! What should I do?

There are lots of good childminders in the area and I am confident we would be able to find someone else for january

my inclination would be to pull her out now and appeal to CM's better nature on the basis that she knew she was quitting when she took you on which is pretty unforgiveable in my book (are you sure about that and do you have any proof?)

I don't think she had decided when we signed contracts in September.

I know that she had when we actually started dd because she said she had made the decision a few weeks ago.

I think she was hoping that the cm she works with would take over

I would take her out now as seems unhappy but also as will be leaving anyway so no point trying to sort out the issues which make dd unhappy

Why do you think dd cries?

Is it a ploy to stop you taking her?

If she cries at next one will you remove?

Before you decide to pull out, check your contract regarding this.

Its never easy listening to your child cry, neither is it easy for the cm to listen to the crying. It can be unsettling for both of you and also the children who may be with the cm.

Could it be the she is not feeling 100% still? or is she afraid of the lifts?

How is the cm managing whilst she is crying, how does she settle her?

Was she at home with you before she started with the new cm or is she coming from another cm?

Its hard to make a decsion not knowing why she is crying. Have you asked her why? It may not be the cm but just not being with you.

Some children take longer to settle, whilst some settle very quickly.

Sorry to ask so many questions.

You could give it another week, whilst you look around at other cms.

All the best with this.

Are you still in your settling in period? If so I would be tempted to take her out now and settle her wherever she will have to go in January (I'm a cm). But speak to your cm and explain why, if she's quitting anyway hopefully she'll be understanding.

Thanks for the responses

She was with a childminder she adored who had had her since a baby. She never once cried being left with her. We moved away from the area

We are definitely not in formal settling in period, no, I would be breaking the contract if I removed her now. BUT I think the cm should have told me that she was going to give up minding before we started her on full days.

She is my second dc, so I know that children can be cross about being left with a cm when they would rather be at home - but crying for half an hour at this stage worries me tbh. Five minutes protest when you leave is one thing....

If dd had been there for a year and was happy then I wouldn't think about removing her before the notice period - I just want to minimise the impact on her.

You would not be breaking the contract if you took your DD out now, only if you didn't pay for whatever your notice period is (usually 4 weeks).

I know, I realise that. I don't want to keep sending her to one childminder while settling her with a new one. I don't think our childminder has been upfront with us. If she had told us when she had first made the decision, ie a few weeks ago we wouldn't have put dd through all the stress she has been through for nothing.

If the Childminder has definatley decided to stop minding, I would take her out and find elsewhere.

I would take her out now and get her settled with somebody permenant.

How do you know she cries for half an hour?
I don't actually think the crying is a big issue, I've had a child that cried for the first two years...yes years... When she was dropped off! It could last for a minute or an hour BUT she would always go home with lots of fun tales and asking when she was next going to "smee's" house!
I don't think it's a reflection on your childminder, like you say you have moved area,moved CM and it may just be that you LO is struggling with the change.

Btw I would be pissed off that she took your dd on knowing she would be quitting!

I know it's half an hour because she told me. I think she is an very good childminder, I like and trust her - just that dd is finding it hard for some reason and there's obviously no point in persevering.

Anyway, I saw another childminder today - recommended by the first one, who I really liked and so did dd, so hopefully we will be able to take her out and first cm wont make us pay for December

So glad you have things sorted

Thank you! Not over yet, but I feel better about it now

to me half an hour seems like a very long time for your DD to be crying. especially at 2 because they tend to be easily distracted? I'd take her out now!