*ARGH* Due to leave for Legoland soon and aupair has not arrived!

[singlevillagemum]

Our newly started Au pair [about 3 weeks now] doesn't have much to do this half term as my son is at his dad's for most of the week, so I explained that we were going to Legoland on Sunday [today], which is normally her day off and asked if she would like to join us.
She was very excited and confirmed that she would, we confirmed what day it was, what Legoland was, and that I would be paying for her ticket [in advance - website booking]
Yesterday she text me to let me know that she was shopping on Oxford St with 2 other au pairs and they had invited her to the nightclub. I replied to have fun, be safe, call if she had any problems and to remember that we were leaving at 9am this morning. She text back to confirm.
Now it's 7.30am, she didn't return last night, ordinarily not a problem as we had discussed this in her contract for nights that she wasn't working [although it is the first time she has even been out in London since arriving], but we are in a rural location so I have no idea if/when she plans on returning as the trains aren't that frequent on Sundays. She has not made contact this morning and although it seems childish part of me resents having to call/text her to find out where she is and if she's still coming.
Am I justified in feeling very cross as I'm sitting here with an excitable child and an extra non-refundable ticket, or is it just part of deal with au pairs and I shouldn't invite her to things on her weekend [even if she is off mon-wed afterwards].

She might have her route back all planned and be with you before 9. I'd either give her the benefit of the doubt and wait to see if she gets back, or drop her a quick text asking if she'll be back in time. I think it's a bit early to feel cross, she hasn't let you down yet, besides, you're going to legoland! I'd probably be just as excited as your DS! [big kid emoticon]

I hope she turns up soon and you all have a lovely day.

Not sure if there anything you can do other than to try calling her mobile. She may well be sleeping off the evenings acvitivies. Something bad may have happened, until you hear from them you just don't know.
You need to decide at what point you leave for Legoland (is it fireworks tonight?). She wanted to come but if she's not back by the time you leave then she can't come. YANBU to be annoyed about it, especially given the cost of a day ticket to a themepark.

Thanks for the replies, you are absolutely right, I need to calm down and wait! I think I am clearly still suffering from left-over anxiety from ex-h who used to ruin plans at the last minute. Thank goodness for sensible mumsnetters.

Have fun at Legoland. Takes gloves and a warm jacket if staying for fireworks.
Last year they did build&take halloween models (cost around £3). Not sure what they are doing this year but if you are looking for a few mins sitdown, then it's usually held in the lego robotics room (opposite toilet block near the imagination theatre / papa moles).
If you need a chill out area - there is a very small playarea behing the wave surfer ride (at wavesurfer, walk Right) marked on map as a picnic area.
Hope you hear from you aupair soon.

You sound a lovely boss to invite her, hopefully she'll turn up soon.

Just had a text - she's on the train but feels very tired so she thinks she'll go to bed instead!!!!!
Not quite sure how I will handle this, think I just need to get ready and go. Hey maybe there will be a family who want a free ticket at the gate??
Thought I was being nice & friendly with the whole "include as part of the family thing", clearly should re-approach with a "treat as an ungrateful teenager thing". Urgh!

Oh well, not going to let it spoil the day, off to dig out gloves and hats - thanks nannynick for the reminder. Don't think it's fireworks this weekend, but imagine it will get cold nonetheless.

Hope you have a nice day.

I think she's behaved badly and I would keep a careful eye on her. She clearly thinks nothing of wasting your money and breaking arrangements and personally I can't stand people like this.

It sounds like her intentions to go with were good- if she's young and making new friends perhaps the excitement of the evening just got out of hand? I imagine she'll be feeling pretty bad about letting you down. Hope the day goes well and you manage to work it out!

I would be really cross - I suspect she doesn't realise how much that ticket would have cost in addition to the fact that she has backed out so soon before the event,when you should have only been having to worry about making the day great for your kids.

I would be saying to her, look, glad you're making new friends and I want you to enjoy your time, but in the future I really need to know if you have decided not to come along to something we've planned with you, at least in good time like the night before. I would personally let on that the tickets were non refundable and expensive, but DH would probably be cross with me!

Until she settles down, I wouldn't invite her to events at the w/e where you'd be out of pocket if her plans changed.

How old is she?

I can totally understand why you are cross, but can understand a 19 yo behaving like this. (Yes, I speak as someone who liked to party all night and sleep all weekend when young)

There are so many half price tickets around, that really, you shouldn't have paid that much for her to come - but obviously that's not the point. In future I would invite her along, but tell her she needs to pay if she wants to come and it not a day she is working.

Hope you had a good time, just you and your son - good mummy son time.

Ticket price of around £45 is a lot so au-pair really needs to be told that saying yes they would come, then backing out last minute isn't acceptable.

I'd be annoyed too. I hope she has apologised at least.

Sadly some people do act like this, and of course it is frustrating when you have made an effort to be generous and hospitable.

I would be tempted to say nothing, but next time you go out on a family day out, just don't invite her. If she hints at wanting to join in, then you could bring this up. She may then realise the consequences of her actions

Thanks to all of you for your comments.

LynetteScavo - she's 22, but I see your point - I can remember behaving dreadfully selfishly at about 17/18.

LadyHarriet - I think you are right, she probably was excited about the trip when she was lonely, but now she is making friends and getting a social life of her own it's of less importance.

She hasn't exactly apologised, but did look really embarrassed when I saw her briefly on the way out the door and had hidden in her room since I returned [although it appears she did quite a bit of housework while we were out - despite it being her day off, so perhaps that's her apology??]

Think I will leave off the invites on the weekends now she has some friends, that way she won't feel she has to choose.

By the way the fireworks were fabulous [thanks nannynick - I hadn't even realised they were on], and my son's godmother was free so we took her instead [absolutely hilarious to watch a 30-something, single with no kids by choice scientist try to cope with a day at Legoland! Best comments of the day "The children - what's wrong with them all?" and "Why can't he have candyfloss, here I'll buy it....[10 minutes pass]..."Make him stop, please, why won't he stop trying to climb on me, please sweetheart stand still"].

Just another day in this fun experience called motherhood!

Glad all sorted, do you think your friend would go again?!

Not in a million years!!

Just waiting for my DH to return from a bys weekend so we can leave!

Have a fabulous time, heard the weather will be great today. Be prepared for the queues though - over an hour for many [boats, Laser raisers] and Atlantis was quoted as 1 & a half hours yesterday, definitely worth getting one of those queuing machine -thingys.

I've got clubcard voucher tickets, not sure if we're allowed Q bots with them. DH home and now thinks we should go later and leave later. Will just have to wander and not do too many rides if it's that long to wait. 3YO would just not queue for that long.