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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

your experiences with male childminders

18 replies

lou19 · 14/08/2011 08:59

we have found a childminder who we really like-and he is a man. I didn't have a problem with this until someone said some pretty negative things about child abusers being mainly men, etc. we are still keen on him, but it would be nice to hear other people's experiences, especially positive ones.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Tanith · 14/08/2011 10:59

Tell your charming friend she is wrong. Most child abusers are women.

I take it she means sexual abusers, though. In which case, we really don't know. Sexual abuse by females is only just beginning to be acknowledged. Prior to the Little Teds case, few people even admitted it existed. Try googling female sexual abusers and you'll find some very disturbing articles.

Incidentally, most child abusers are family. Should we institutionalise all babies from birth?

apotomak · 14/08/2011 11:24

This is so unfair. Why judge just on sex? I know an amazing male childminder. Kids love him. He's a great male role model. We need more men in childcare and education .... unfortunately they are female dominated professions.

hayleysd · 14/08/2011 11:28

I know a lovely male Childminder who is also a sahd for his own kids, if I really liked a Childminder (and I am one so extra fussy!) it wouldn't matter if they were male or female as king as my kids were happy

BooyHoo · 14/08/2011 11:33

what is it about the mention of a male carer that isn't the child's father that makes people think of sex/sexual abuse?

i have been in relationships with several men and they were all entirely capable of going about their day without haing to have sex. what makes people think that introducing a child to their day will suddenly make a man need to sexually abuse it?

i hate this attitude.

Dysgu · 14/08/2011 12:13

Our first CMs were a married couple - they were both registered to CM and it was fabulous. DD1 spent a lot of time with the male CM and is still like a member of his family - the couple eventually split up and the female CM eventually stopped CMing to go back to uni.

The male CM offered to re-register wholly to be able to look after my (now) 2DDs as we struggled to find a new CM. I would have been more than happy with him looking after my girls by himself, but in the end, found a new CM with spaces (recommended by previous CMs) so male CM was able to stay in the job he had taken when he left the marital home.

In new CM situation, her husband is registered as (one of) her assistants. My girls love it when he is working - which means he is on leave from his usual job!

Long story short - have no problem whatsoever with my girls being looked after by a male CM.

As an aside, I think male TAs in the early years are great too and know of some excellent ones locally.

Tanith · 14/08/2011 12:26

Sorry Lou - didn't mean to upset you, but this sort of drama-seeking, interfering "friend" really makes me angry. As if finding childcare isn't hard enough, she has to worry you sick with silly scaremongering like this!
for you.

Original poster

lou19 · 14/08/2011 14:31

Thanks for all your replies. Tanith, I know it is unfair that men are more readily associated with child sexual abuse. it's a very controversial issue indeed. personally I like to think that I can trust my instincts on someone, and my gut feeling was that I liked that setting. I think I'm just freaked out by letting my first child be looked after by someone else once I go back to work- noone seems good enough!hopefully this will pass :)

OP posts:

nannynick · 14/08/2011 15:23

"my gut feeling was that I liked that setting"

Trust your gut feeling. Your subconscious mind will pick up a lot more things than you conscious mind, especially I feel if you are having feelings of not wanting to let your child be cared for by someone else.

Ignore what "friends" say... they probably haven't met the person, haven't been to the setting, and they certainly don't know what suits you your child best. Trust yourself to make the right judgement for you and your child.

HoneyPablo · 14/08/2011 15:29

I think it says a lot about somebody's strength of character to take a job in a female-dominated area, knowing that he will have to deal with people's prejudices on a daily basis.
Good on him and shame on your friend, lou19.
I have met several men working as childminders and nursery nurses. Some were fantastic and some were not so good, much the same as their female counterparts.

nannyl · 14/08/2011 18:19

I couldnt care less what sex the person was....
it would be their personality and way they interacted with the children that made me decide if they were the person i wanted to look after my children.

I also HATE the fact that so many people presume that men who look after children are child abusers..... it is almost always not the case, and females can and do abuse children too

thebody · 14/08/2011 21:10

Go with gut instincts(and references of course) I think its such a pity that silly attitudes .like this exist.. we so need more males in the child care industry as wonderful role models for the boys... your friend is being silly and negative.

Original poster

lou19 · 14/08/2011 21:28

thanks for your replies, it is reassuring to hear people's positive stories, personally as I said I was positively impressed by him and the setting in general, but when people make comments like this, it does niggle at me...so it's good to get such a strong reaction stating the contrary to those comments. although it is hardly reassuring to think that females abuse children, too. it's such a scary world out there. we do need more males in child care.

OP posts:

Lilithmoon · 14/08/2011 21:34

PFB has a male carer in her nursery and he is lovely. I am really pleased she has a range of role models.

SometimesIAmABirdbrain · 14/08/2011 21:40

A male nanny babysits my kids in his spare time. he's brilliant with them. I admire men who go into childcare, it must really daunting, and I know some feel that they have to go even further than women to prove their worthiness in childcare when it really shouldn't have to be the case in this day and age.

boombangabang · 14/08/2011 21:44

Most abusers are family and friends of family, so go figure. Even if it were true that most child abusers are male (it isn't - most people prosecuted for child neglect are female, as most people who look after children are female), it makes no sense to extrapolate from this that male child carers are all perverts, or even to contemplate reconsidering hiring one who you like on the basis that some men abuse children. Common sense people!

pippin26 · 15/08/2011 08:56

I think your friend needs a kick into reality. Silly person (them not you)

If you liked that setting, if your 'gut' was telling you something.. follow that instinct. Too many people fail to trust that instinct..

I know several male childcare/educational providers.. from mindersto teachers and I can honestly say, hand on heart I would have no hesitation in ever leaving my children in their care. Men who choose to work in care/edcuation are doing so purely through sheer choice and an affinity with working with children. Yes yes i know 'care' is considered a female area because our 'maternal instinct' but NOT every woman has that instinct - nor for other peoples children. Childcare is still seen by many as the 'easy option' when you haven't got many other choices (thankfully this is slowly changing). On one of my courses, there was a bloke on it - personally I wasn't keen on him personally but seeing him with children - there was no doubt that he was in the right job.

Will your friend be suspicious of male teachers in school? Honestly, what a silly woman.

Go with the childcare that YOU (not this woman) likes/feels comfy with. Blokes in childcare already endure a great deal of prejudice and bias sadly.

OTheHugeManatee · 15/08/2011 09:13

The 'men who work in childcare must be nasty paedopervs' thing is IMO a stalking horse for reverse sexism. Men encroaching on an area traditionally thought of as female - heaven forbid the traditional gender roles break down, they must be sick or perverted in some way. It's as nonsensical as saying women shouldn't be engineers in case their brains overheat.

TryLikingClarity · 15/08/2011 14:21

A male CM can be a great role model for young boys and young girls, to teach them that not all 'nurturing people' are women.

I was have small talk a few months ago to a manager of a private day care nursery, I asked her how many staff they had, what they were like etc. We were having a nice chat until I asked her if she had any male staff. She screwed up her face, said no male staff as she "didn't trust men to work with young children."

I told her she was discriminating against a large number of people who might be good workers if she gave them a chance.

If you like the male CM, then go for it!

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