How is this for an real ad just found online - (not mine). You'll all love this one...
Looking for a person to live-in and carry out the role of a mother's help.She will work from 7am until 8pm during the week with mid-day break (Saturday from 7am - 9am) including 3 nights babysitting. A separate live out cleaner will come every saturday to carry out the hard cleaning. Mother's help will look after three young children when mother is not around; boy aged 11, girl aged 9 and boy aged 5 and a young dog. At 7am, she will help children get dressed, tidy bedrooms, serve breakfast, oversee teeth brushing, get children ready for school with necessary school/games/PE bags ready and shoes on (polished). Mother will be on hand every morning. Mother will take children to school except on certain occasions when mother's help is required to do this. Once children have left house, she will need to walk the dog for half hour. Mornings will be spent clearing breakfast plates and tidying kitchen, thoroughly tidying children's bedrooms, washing laundry, cleaning bedroom floors, dusting cupboards, desks, window sills and all surfaces. She will need to tidy and clean playroom every day. She will need to do supermarket shopping a buy food for dinner. After mid-day break, she will need to iron clothes, clean children's bathroom/toilet and prepare pyjamas. She will need to plan afternoon activities for children (coordinated with mother). At 3pm she will need to collect children from school and take to afternoon activities. Mother will occasionally help with this task too. From September onwards, mother will be studying on a full time course so will only occasionally be at home in afternoons. Mother's help/Nanny will be required to prepare dinner for the children, tidy up after dinner and leave kitchen very tidy. She will need to supervise homework when mother is not around in the evenings. Mother will return home by 5:30/6pm. Mother will walk dog in the evening. Mother's help will need to bath children and listen to younger two children read. We are looking for a very pro-active and responsible lady, who will be a tremendous support to the mother, between the ages of 20-30 years old, excellent English, ability to help children with their homework especially maths and English. She needs to be very clean, tidy, thorough and organised with excellent communication skills (in order to arrange play-dates, speak to teachers and get to know our three gorgeous children). She needs to be very hard working. She needs to be firm but kind to the children and help them have lots of fun and games. A degree of flexibility is also necessary. In the school holidays she needs to take them to the park, occupy the children with fun activities and take them to their holiday camps. She needs to speak excellent English (and Russian would be helpful too). She needs to have the appropriate visa and be able to drive in the uk with a full British driver's license. She is required to send her CV and photograph. Salary will be 200-300 per week depending on the right candidate. Saturdays and Sundays off (except Sat 7am - 9am).