Effect on 2-yr-old of nanny leaving?

[ThisIsBloodyHardWork]

For various reasons, we are thinking of terminating our arrangement with our nannyshare partners. We're not entirely sure that this is the best decision, and one of the factors is the effect on our 2.5 yr-old of his adored nanny leaving now.

I'm just about to go back to work after maternity leave. DS (2.5) was with lovely nanny fulltime from 8 months until age 2, when we renegotiated and he's been with her 2.5 days a week during my leave. We had planned for him to go back up to fulltime along with his baby sister, who will be 7 months when I go back. SO if we do change the arrangement, he will go back into fulltime care but with a stranger, at the same time as stopping seeing his nanny.

Is this too much for a 2.5 yrold to take? Will he be utterly devastated? Does anyone have any experiences to share?

Any chance you can pilfer the nanny from the share and just have her work for you alone?

Otherwise don't worry - he will be fine i promise. I generally stay with my nanny families 4 years (It seems to be my ''itch'' time) and even the children i've had from very small have been fine within a few weeks (and I'm much loved i promise!).

Hi, thanks for the reply! That is what we are hoping but no guarantee as the nanny lives closer to the other family. I suspect if we terminate both families will be trying to "keep" LovelyNanny so she will be in a good position.

I think I'm worried about the age that my DS is now - it seems such a vulnerable age. He doesn't particularly have any outside interests apart from the friends that he hangs out with with her, so would basically also lose a large part of his social circle. He's a very sociable, friendly little boy so it could be that he'll be absolutely fine and I'm worrying about nothing, but can't help but worry about it.

If we do lose LovelyNanny, what is a good way to prepare him for the change?

Oddly enough children never really care much when a nanny goes, even when the nanny was wonderful and they loved them. They really only care about their parents in the end. This is what I have learnt from 12 years of employing universally lovely nannies for up to 5 years at a stretch for 4 kids. Yes, they miss them and say "where is x and when will I see x again" but not in any distressed sort of way, they are just interested.

Your boy is so little, he'll be fine. Just say that he is going to have a lovely new nanny and will still see lovelynanny sometimes but not all the time. Once he meets new nanny and has fun with her he'll be fine, honestly.

I remember nothing from being that age. I doubt many people do either. He will be fine. Maybe a bit sad/slightly confused to start with but he will get over it. Children are very resilient.

Thanks for the reassurance, all. We think we're going to take the plunge. I am hoping there might be a pilfering opportunity so we may not have to say goodbye to LovelyNanny, but I'm glad to hear I'm being a bit PFB and that he will survive the change!

Don't worry about losing his social circle - if Lovelynanny is as wonderful as you think she will willingly invite Newnanny into the circle or at the very least leave numbers for Newnanny to call. I've found most nannies are willing to make the ''Hi, I'm new here do you want to be my friend?'' calls.

I think that you will find he will reflect your attitude to a degree too - if you get all choked up and weepy whenever you think/talk about Lovely nanny then he will too. Don't feel you need to check how he's feeling every two mins - he will let you know when he needs tlc.

Also - there are many Lovelynannies out there - so don't be afraid to change. And please try not to expect any new nannies to do things the same way as your old nanny - many ways work well. xx

Don't suppose you need a job, drinkyourmilk - you sound great!

We've made the call and now waiting for LovelyNanny to make her decision. I feel it was the right decision and thanks to friendly mumsnetters I'm not fretting that DS will be too devastated. Hurrah for Mumsnet

Can the share carry on? I do a share with two 2.5 yr old and the share will carry on from next week as normal when baby brother joins the share. The senario is very similar to yours, was caring Boy1 and Boy 2 full time till mum went on maternity leave than we reduced the days with Boy 1 to 3 and I still look after Boy2 5 days. The baby just will join the share, I know it will be harder for me but it seems a natural process?

Our nanny left beginning of December after being with us for a year, and in that month my 3 1/2 year old and 17 month old have hardly noticed her absence. DS1 sometimes mentions her name in conversation, but not in any distressed way, just a matter of fact 'X did this'. I don't think you should worry at all!

Are you talking about a live out nanny?