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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Do you lock important things when nanny is in?

24 replies

Colourworld · 03/12/2010 12:02

Sorry, it might be a silly question but we have never had a nanny. We are thinking of hiring one for a few hours but then we live in a rented house and cannot put locks wherever we want. I would not have liked a nanny/baby sitter to go through our documents, personal belongings. Also, I am so frighten of hiring one in general. How can I know the person is going to be a decent one and is not going to take indicent pictures of the kids or something else. All these stories make me paranoid to the nannies. Do I need a camera? I know they have to produce a certificate from police but then it does not guarantee anything. I hope I have not offended some good nannies :)

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ItalianLady · 03/12/2010 12:07

I used to work as a nanny and I could never understand how the parents trusted me with their baby but didn't let me have a key to their house.

bobblehat · 03/12/2010 12:11

I've never had a nanny or been one. However I would suggest that you interview any prospective nannies and don't hire any that seem untrustworthy. Also take up all references, and make sure you have a contract stating what is and isn't acceptable.

Ultimately I suppose there is an argument that you can't 100% trust anyone. But other people will look after your children at some points so you have to trust your instincts.

hth

Theantsgomarching · 03/12/2010 12:12

Surely if you can trust her with your kids then that should speak for itself?

autodidact · 03/12/2010 12:12

I wouldn't hire a nanny if you feel that way.

Original poster

Colourworld · 03/12/2010 12:20

I know what you mean. This is my husband who want to hire a nanny. I do not. There woul dnot be a party for me because all I am going to do is worry whether everything is all right. We are thinking of hiring our friends' nanny. We have never met her but they say she is very nice.

OP posts:

ItalianLady · 03/12/2010 12:23

I think you need to talk some more and get more info about employing a nanny.

HowsTheSerenity · 03/12/2010 12:26

If you cannot trust a person with what should be your most treasured posession then you should not have a nanny. I think you need to talk and think things through though.
A good nanny will not go through your things unless given permission.

rubyslippers · 03/12/2010 12:30

i employ a nanny and don't lock anything away

why does your DH want to?

HowsTheSerenity · 03/12/2010 12:35

Oh and if it makes you feel better I have my bosses email passwords, keys to the safe, knowledge of their payslips, passports, birth certificates, credit cards.....Hell I could be in Tahiti right now if I was dodgy!

MoonUnitAlpha · 03/12/2010 12:40

I think if you feel this uncomfortable about trusting one person, then maybe a nursery would suit you better? Obviously there are no guarantees there either but there are more people around.

If you do hire a nanny, make sure you can trust her. The police check is part of that, but also gut feeling and getting in depth verbal references from all the previous employers.

I'm a nanny btw, and have never had any desire to go through my employer's belongings or documents!

Igglystuffedfullofturkey · 03/12/2010 12:49

If that's your thinking then surely a nanny isn't for you?
We have a nanny and don't lock stuff up. I hired her partly because I trust her. If I thought she would snoop, she'd be out.

As for media stories - it's incredibly rare which is why such a big deal is made when it does happen.

frakkinup · 03/12/2010 12:51

If you have a camera you'd have to tell them about it.

Check them out - talk to their previous employers, have them round supervised and don't leave confidential stuff lying around. Are you talking nanny or babysitter here? A nanny typically won't have time to snoop, and even if they did it's not worth it because it could cost them their career if they got caught. Professionally speaking a nanny mners to be completely trustworthy. A casual babysitter possibly less so but still if they ever want to sit again they need to have a good reputation.

Would you be happy having a cleaner/other tradesperson in your home? I know some people are very wary and generally protective of their privacy. Or is this just about the nanny?

How old are your DCs? Could they be asked for info on what happened? That way you have some peace of mind about photos etc.

Honestly the vast majority of nannies are very trustworthy and privvy to a lot of info about their employers that they would never go actively looking for or misuse.

StillSquiffy · 03/12/2010 13:03

Sorry, but I can't compute that someone thinks nannies might take indecent pictures and rifle through their belongings. My poor nanny would be hard pressed to find the time to snoop, much less the inclination.

Blondeshavemorefun · 03/12/2010 13:14

you obv dont want a nanny (dh does) and your nanny would pick up on this vibe

havnt offended me at all but you may find it hard to employ and keep a nanny if this is the way you feel

i think nursery would be better as then other adults about and not in your own home

i have turned down jobs that dont give me a credit card/debit (if they want shopping etc done) as when they mention it,they squirm and say does that mean you need our pin code etc - obv have doubts about me stealing their money but happy to leave me with their most irreplaceable belonging ie their child

fwiw i have mb/db bank accounts pin codes etc/lappy passwords as well as been asked to look through their drawers /personal stuff to get passports/bank documents etc for mb as was at work and needed some info

yes i am sure there are nannies who rummage through their boss's private bottom knicker drawer stuff, but there are many who wouldnt even dream of it (like me)

TheCrackFox · 03/12/2010 13:19

So you don't trust a nanny to be in your house but you trust her to be with your DCs. Strange set of priorities.

Original poster

Colourworld · 03/12/2010 13:33

I think, I would only trust my mum when taking care of the kids and may be my parents in law. But they cannot help us because we do not live close to each other.
My husband and I have been invited to a big party. He wants me to be there as we do not go out together that often anyway. I would rather not go because we have never had a nanny even for an hour and now I have to think about it. I know that there are decent nannies (of course) but there are also indecent. I have to trust my own guts and my answer is I do not want to go to that party. It has happened a number of times when my guts were telling me not to go and I was right. Last time I did not want to go to the party because my feeling was we all were getting ill with flu but my husband was so stubborn. We fell ill the next day.
But I would admit I wish we had a nanny we could trust. I am the one who has been caring for the kids right from birth. Going out hardly ever happens.
I will not go to the party if the friends' nanny does not work on weekends. I think she only works during the week days.

OP posts:

Original poster

Colourworld · 03/12/2010 13:41

TheCrackFox, my kids' safety is the priority. I just want to have a nanny I could trust with anything in my house. I never wanted to have one because I find it hard trusting people. Experience. But my post should not offend nannies as I do not say all nannies are bad. That is like saying all nurses are bad but we know there are bad nurses. I am sure I am not the only one who finds hard to trust other people to look after their children.

OP posts:

ItalianLady · 03/12/2010 13:41

I found it hard to leave my children with someone but you are not giving anyone a chance.

MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic · 03/12/2010 13:51

You're saying you want a Nanny just for one party? Then you don't want a Nanny, you want a babysitter surely? If I'm reading this right, then you want to borrow a friends Nanny for this event (if she's willing to do weekend overtime) this seems pretty sensible. If you trust your friend and their judgement then you should be able to trust their employee

FWIW I found it hard leaving my DCs with non-relatives, I don't think that's uncommon when you haven't had to do it before. DS1 went to a CM for a while, and although she was a lovely woman and I trusted her it still took a couple of days for my PFB nerves to calm down

There are reputable babysitting services that provide CRB checked people, with references for situations like this. Maybe you should ask if any MNers have any they can recommend?

Blondeshavemorefun · 03/12/2010 13:59

agree you dont need a nanny but a babysitter

there is a thread on here with many on here offering their services

if your friends nanny can babysit then fab, but please dont give her a hard time - if your friends trust her, that should be enough

what area are you in and maybe someone on here can help you

though not me as im snowed in

BranchingOut · 03/12/2010 15:45

I understand your anxiety and think that you have to build up trust.

How about you invite the nanny around and meet her? Then maybe employ her for an afternoon before the party, stay upstairs and see how she gets on with your baby/children. Or just pop out locally.

Then, when the day of the party arrives you are already feeling comfortable.

Original poster

Colourworld · 03/12/2010 16:12

BranchingOut, I think if she agrees to baby sit them then we will invite her before that. Good idea, thanks. :)

OP posts:

nannynick · 03/12/2010 17:30

Agree with the others... it's a one off event, so you could decide not to go, or you could decide to put trust in your friends nanny. Your friend has been using that nanny for a while I would guess, so they trust them. You trust your friend I would guess, so the risks are minimal.

Meet them first. When babysitting I always like to meet families first. I didn't last Friday... when I was asked at late notice to babysit for the sister of a friend of my bosses. However it worked out fine, they put trust in the recommendation and were also pleased to be able to read about me on the web (click on my username to see my Mumsnet profile with more info about me). That was sufficient to reassure them that I was trustworthy.

The media like to sell information - bad news is good for them as it sells. They don't often write about positive things. News is in the large part always negative. Take the Snow for example... it's mostly all bad news about the snow. You don't see much news about the good things - about how neighbours help each other, how people make sure they still get to work so they are able to perform their job. Some news coverage is better than others... so don't believe all you may have read about childcare in the home. While it may well be based on fact, it is the rare cases they are picking up. They don't cover all the good that is done.

You may have read about people having "sock related accidents" yet you still wear socks! Your subconscious mind will use information to help you by making what we refer to as Gut Instinct. You already trust that as you say you haven't done things in the past due to not having a good gut reaction.

So meet the nanny... then decide. Tell them you are worried about leaving your child for the first time. A good nanny will be able to help reassure you... I've been known to text mums every hour or so to let them know their baby is still asleep, or how much milk they have had. Trust yourself to make the right decision.

Oligo · 03/12/2010 22:32

If nanny has made a career out of nannying, paid for training, first aid, insurance, crb etc. and built up experience and reputation why would she undo it all on a few hours babysitting. Maybe a long con but I doubt it.

Prob. different morals/motivations involved for types of people who would hurt children vs. steal money/documents though; now thinking about leaving precious child with someone who you don't trust with belongings is perhaps not comparable. A lost child is more likely to be 'handed in' and less likely to be pick-pocketed than lost wallet.

Often shocked at levels of trust given to nannies though. I've been asked to vote and routinely given credit cards, keys, alarm codes, asked to ring up places and pretend to be them with their date of birth etc.

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