2nd time Mum concerned over childbirth

[Morganfish]

Hello. I'm new to this website but having read afew posts everyone seems quite clued up and friendly so I'm hoping someone will have some advice.
Like alot of people I had a pretty rough 1st labour (5 yrs ago), induced at 40+10 I had all 3 lost of the gel which left me in so much pain and made me burn downstairs like you wouldnt believe! That lasted for about 36 hrs before my waters broke. It was another 14 hrs before baby arrived & I don't remember being in anything other than constant pain the whole time. I didn't have 'contractions as it were - just constant agony. I was sick everytime time I tried to eat or drink anything, couldn't go to the loo coz it hurt too much to sqwat and wasn't allowed to move because babys heart beat kept dropping everytime I tried. As I wasn't feeling the contractions I wasn't using the pain relief properly (as my lovely hubby pointed out mid-way through!!) and ended up on a drip and finally with a vontouse (sp?) delivery. The consultant then left a huge hole in my stitches which ment I couldn't walk, or sit for 10 days and also didn't remove all the placenta which was another lovely experience!! Afterwards my MW told me I was red raw (sorry to be graphic) and had clearly had had some kind of reaction to the gel, plus the hole which wasn't helping.

What worries me is that I'm going to be forced into being induced again, although I've already told my consultant he isn't coming anwhere near me he just said that "some mild irritation is normal" - I swear if blokes had kids they would never be induced! Our local hospital doesn't offer epidurals and the next hospital is an hour away!

I found it all quite traumatic and think it's part of the reason we waited so long to have another. Would I have grounds to request a E/CS? ot can anyone tell me where I stand on refusing to be induced??

If you've stuck with this then thanks - I do tend to waffle abit!

I'm so so sorry that your birth was so traumatic. I'm angry on your behalf at the incompetence and arrogance of those people who treated you!

Have a good talk with your mw about your fears. You CAN insist on a CS on medical grounds - even psychological grounds! Have a word with the NCT too, they'll help you to come to terms with your first birth and are very good at letting you know what your rights are.

Welcome to Mumsnet!

based on your experience last time, you would be quite within your rights to ask for a c.s, some consultants are more sympathetic than others, so you might need to ask for a second opinion.

also, you might want to discuss things with the supervisor of midwives, if you have trouble getting support

the other thing to do is to wait for a spontaneous start to labour, and book a c.s for say, term + 12 or 14 to give your body a chance to labour

the fact is, you took until 42 weeks to deliver, as your induction was so lenghty!

the gel can make some women v v sore, it is not that ocmmon, but it is a possible side effect

the fact you were exhausted, without food and drink, without adequate pain relief and were unable to move would all have contributed to the lenght of the labour and your need for a ventouse

a spontaneous strart to labour can usually a mean a much better, more positive experience

you can certainly refuse induction based on what happened to you last time, or ask for induction done soleyl by breaking the waters, for which you would have to be around 2 - 3 cm dilated, with a ripening cervix.. if the hospital won;t do that, then ask for a c section

or ask for one anyway !

Lulumama is fantastic when it comes to all things childbirth related so you're in good hands there!

You will find that there are a lot of women on here in the "Wow, I can't believe how much better my second birth experience was!" club. I know a lot in real life too. Hopefully you will be joining the gang soon.

My first birth was horrendous and I was treated extremely badly. I ended up in a state mentally and physically and only had my second child as I was convinced that I couldn't be lucky enough to have the fertility treatment work twice. The positive pregnancy test came as quite a shock! I went to my community midwife for the first time in that pregnancy determined that I wasn't going to go through the same experience again. I even took DH to back me up if she didn't take me seriously. But she was fantastic and offered me an elective section straight away, once she had her the story of my first delivery. That gave me the breathing space that I needed to make decisions about my second delivery without panicking. As it was, I had a second vaginal delivery, with no patronising treatment by the medical staff and a much easier recovery - physically and emotionally.

However, I had it in my birth plan that if anything went wrong that I was to have a C section, no questions asked. DH was completely on board with this, as was the senior midwife at the hospital. The only situation where I would have had all the intervention was if the baby was in immediate danger. Remember that they cannot do anything to you without your consent. If you don't consent to an induction, then they can't force you.

the other thing i should have said is that debriefing your birth with either the birth trauma organisation or sheila kitzinger's birth crisis could be really helpful, or going through your notes with a MW from teh hospital.

agree second births can be a lot better

my first ended in an emergency c.section after a failed induction, my second ( almost 6 years later as i was too traumatised and had PND to have another baby sooner ) was a walk in the park.. spontaneous labour, delivered on my due date with no complications .

i was a lot more informed about my choices and had birth supporters there who were able to support me in those choices

The other thing (as well as being more informed and determined that you will have a different experience) is that second time around everything isn't so toned and your body has done it before. I did optimal foetal positioning for both mine, but it only worked for the second as my uterus was a bit more (ahem) roomy. Second labours tend to be much faster, so second time around I wasn't so exhausted by the time came to push. And so on.

Yup, I had a horrendous first birth. Had my TENS machine taken off me, told that I could be hours in labour yet and practically told that I had to have an epidural. They were busy and I think they just wanted me out of the way so they could spread themselves out. I lost count of the number of different midwives who presented themselves to me - none of whom had read my birth plan. I was pushing for an hour and told that if I didn't push her out soon I'd be having a CS. Then when she came out she had the cord wrapped around her neck twice and the midwives panicked. I also tore badly.

Second birth - I had the support of the NCT who told me what all my right were, the best positions for birth etc etc, all things I wish I had known before my first. I insisted on a home birth. It went very smoothly and quickly, no pain relief (no time really!), I still tore but was stitched up there and then. No need to go into hosp at all. Afterwards we all had a nice cup of tea!

Thankyou so much for your responses everyone. It's brilliant to be able to get this kind of advice.

I feel much more positive knowing that I do have options available and I don't have to be forced into anything. Before this I hardly knew how to approach the subject with my MW let alone justify how I was feeling (if that makes sense) but you guys put it all so well.

Lulumama - I really like your suggestion of booking a section for a later date should labour not start itself and is deffinately something I will speak to the MW about.

Also I will talk to the NCT to try and to deal with birth no.1 and get as much advice as I can for no. 2.

Be warned though - now you've all been so fab I'll be on here asking you things all the time!!

Well Morgan, 7 years later and I'm still on here asking for all kinds of advice! Although now it tends to be how to deal with possessed and psychotic toy robots...

truly horrible experience, I hope next time you be OK.