I'm not a cow...

[Hawkmoth]

How can I put in my birth plan "I'm not a farm animal so please don't say 'Good Girl' to me"?

I just know I'd be FURIOUS if one of the midwives was at it "come on girl, good girl, keep going". In fact, I remember being fairly cross with my first labour!

My midwife kept saying "good woman, good woman" which I just thought sounded a bit bizarre.

I got 'little girl'. I kid you not. The midwife said 'I just have to pop next door and check on another of my little girls!' I remember managing to raise an eyebrow at DH even as transition hit. Hi, I'm trying to push a child out of my vagina, it's safe to say that I'm a grown woman...

I did say to my DH and MW after a particularly rough internal examination by the senior midwife, mid labour, that "she would make a good vet". I wasn't aware that she was still in the room!

You could put in your birth plan that you don't want to be "coached" in the second stage and that you would like it to be as quiet as possible. But maybe that would miss the point. I am a midwife and don't hear good girl very much to be honest so you probably don't have to worry too much unless you get the same midwife as last time. but what I do hear and say lots of is the whole keep going, well done, that's brilliant, a bit more, big push in your bottom, etc. So if that sort of thing would annoy you then worth saying you don't want it.

Mind you as it is second time round the pushing bit should be a lot quicker and it hopefully won't be an issue anyway - I suppose you could get a good girl/well done for breathing through your contractions though

It's my second. I'm planning a homebirth, so hopefully the MW won't be dashing in and using generic phrases at me!

I think I will ask not to be coached, and to be addressed directly by my name. I'm sure MWs at a homebirth will be much less likely to talk about me in the third person, but that was pretty frustrating last time as well.

Thanks

I'm putting in about advice over tearing and perineal pressure!

My birth plan needs to be quite clear as DP might be a bit flappy/overwhelmed. His two were CSs so this is all new for him, and I want him to be involved positively and not scared - so it's as much for him as the MWs!

I think it would be a bit more proffessional for the MW to call you by name rather than using patronising phrases.

As for pushing I think recent research now discourages it to a degree. Your body is naturally pushing the baby out at its own pace. If you try to force the baby to come out faster by pushing your are more likely going to strain yourself and struggle to breath. I understand the modern techique is simply to breathe the baby out. Well this is what they have told me during my antenatal class.