How can I make my 2nd time better?

[melonian]

Hello lovely ladies, please be gentle I'm new and this is my 2nd post!

I wanted to pick your brains about how best to prepare myself for the birth of DC2.(I'm only 4 months preg!)

DS's birth was not ideal, in that it was an induction, ending up with forceps and epis with no epidural, although weirdly I do look back on it as a very positive experience. My main regrets are that I laboured for so long on the antenatal ward which I found really inhibiting, and did not get onto delivery suite (and onto the wonderful G&A) until I was 9cm dilated. Also I had 2 shots of pethidine, which I didn't really feel helped and really knocked DS out and made starting BFing very difficult.

I don't really mind where I give birth this time, but would prefer to labour as much as poss at home. I don't really feel confident that my body can go into labour and squeeze the baby out on its own, and I feel that stress played a part in going overdue last time. I wondered if anyone had had positive experiences of hypnobirthing, yoga etc that they think might help, or any other advice. Money is tight so I don't feel I can justify trying loads of different things, but I would like to make this experience as positive as it can be.

Thanks in advance.

I definitely think labouring at home for as much (or perhaps all?) your labour would be beneficial as obviously the more relaxed you are the better labour progresses.

There are various books about childbirth that would probably be benficial (could get them from your library for free):
Childbirth without fear - grantly dick-read
Guide to Childbirth - Ina May Gaskin

Perhaps also try to keep in mind throughout your pregnancy that you aren't technically overdue until 42+1 (WHO considers term to be 37-42 weeks). In addition if you have a long cycle that can affect your gestation too - there's info on www.homebirth.org.uk in the "you can't have a homebirth because..." bit under Overdue.

Hypnobirthing cd's can be picked up fairly cheap on ebay.

Yoga - does your local council do any antenatal pilates/yoga classes as they tend to be cheaper or your local midwives may know of classes that are cheap too.

What about a trainee doula? On DoulaUK they are limited to charging £150 for a birth and you may fins one willing to do it for less or there is a hardship fund too.

I would highly recommend hypnosis CDs. If nothing else, it forces you to sit down and relax for a hour a day, which can only be a Good Thing. I found the techniques wonderfully helpful.

I had a doula and found that discussing things with her in advance was very helpful. It helped me focus on what I did or did not like about previous deliveries and plan ahead insofar as these things can be planned for. To know that I could focus on my hypnosis techniques and she would be my advocate (eg moving into a delivery room, keeping voices calm and lights low, etc) was very reassuring.

Welcome to Mumsnet

Thankyou for replying

Will def get a hypnobirthing cd, like you say it can't hurt.

Really want to avoid induction this time, so thanks for the advice on timings. Last time I was really sure of my dates but they put me forward 10 days after my scan, so will make sure they don't do that again. The registrar even said I didn't need to be induced for 5 more days, but helpfully said that after I had already had the 1st pessary

Will see if I can get the books as well - Thanks

Go for home. A more relaxed atmosphere is proven to aid the natural progression of labour. Plus simple things like a cup of tea or having a bath are yours as you wish. (no I don't were sandals, breastfeed my eightyearolds or neglect risk assesment) I just had a better time birthing in the comfort of my own home. Have a look at www.homebirth.org (not even slightly eveangelical)

ps you dont need to be induced at all - its your choice

I have been vaguely thinking about a homebirth but don't have anyone to take DS who will be 19 months and don't want him wandering around in the middle of labour. Plan is my mum will watch him but she lives 2h away so he won't go to hers. Also we live 30min away from hospital even on a bluelight and I'm not sure i'd be comfortable being that far away in case of an emergency. Will go & read the website now - thanks.

Is there a midwife-led unit near you that you could plan to give birth at? They're more relaxed than general labour wards and meant to be like a 'home from home'.

Melonian - I had a traumatic induction with DS1 (at 42 weeks) and was worried about DS2's birth being overshadowed by DS1's birth. I did alot of preparation for DS2's birth - read Childbirth without Fear (great book to understand the physiology of labour), did a hypnobirthing course (though if you get the book and CD you can practice the relaxation exercises yourself at home without having to do a course - it helps if your birth partner practices with you; I did the fear release exercises to exorcise the demons of my first birth experience and practiced the breathing exercises for pain relief) and hired a doula - to make sure that my space was kept postive and affirming in birth. I also went to a totally different hospital - and booked into the beautiful birth centre. I had a great birth with DS2 - he came early at 38 weeks plus 6 days and it was fast, beautiful and peaceful - all I wanted for DS1. So all that hard work paid off. FWIW I think you learn so much from your first birth experience that you are bound to have a better birth second time round. And I was all set to refuse induction this time round if need be...