Premature birth

[ronniec]

My friend just gave birth at 25 weeks and baby is in ICBU, I know there's lots of helpful info out there but just wanted suggestions on any ways to be supportive etc, its so hard to know what to say...

Oh my. What happened? Why was it delivered so early? Do you know anything about the prognosis? They do say a baby at this age has a chance of survival. Oh I'm no expert. I'm sorry I just don't really know what to say either...

I think it's important to acknowledge the birth of her baby and to congratulate her on becoming a mother. I think it's very easy to feel 'not a real mum' when you give birth so early and your baby is taken away from you and in an incubator, on oxygen, whatever. If your friend can't even hold her baby (or not for long) or feed him or whatever, she may well be feeling as if her own 'motherhood' has been taken away from her too. I think that if people are scared to say 'congratulations on the birth of your baby' it sounds as if they have already 'written off' that baby's chances... I don't know if that makes sense...

Does she have other children? She probably wants to spend as much time as possible at the hospital right now, so you could offer to look after any other children for a while for her. Or could you cook some meals that she can put in the freezer for when she needs them? I don't know really, but those kinds of practical things are probably helpful, as well as moral support.

Sorry if this isn't very helpful. I really hope things go well for her.

Send her a card but not flowers {not allowed them in NNU ITU}

If you buy a teddy for baby please make sure it is very very tiny

a reg sized one will be way to big

Offer lifts to hosp.

look after older children or animals

DON'T KEEP PHONING

USE TEXT INSTEAD

DH would spend all the time on the phone when he came home from visiting us

Also you will be using phone line so hospital can't get through

Tell them to take loads of photos and with something of regular size like tiny tedddy cos then can see how baby grows

Please keep us informed

Sending positive vibes ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Is it boy or girl?

sorry "too"

there are plenty of websites you can get v prem clothes from if you'd like to send her something. agree that practical things would help enormously like stuff around the house (if she doesn't have other children)

Clothes will be good for later but doubt will be able to wear clothes

DS couldn't as skin was too fragile

also so many drips and moniter leads connected to him

CLothes would have got in the way.

Clothes would be good for later on though

ronniec, there are loads of other threads on this subject - sorry to be brief, which have some more great advice. TBH I would be led by your friend at this point.

Good Luck for your friend +

Lifts to hospital and back are a great help, if she is at home already.

Clothes aren't so good as they normally have them in the SCBU.

Chores for her, like cooking or sorting the laundry, if you know her well enough and live close enough.

I hated getting flowers at the time and I would have preferred to get them when my dd had come home - I couldn't really celebrate until then.

Any news?

any practical help would be greatly appreciated I am sure... when dd1 was born and in ICU and SCBU - simple things like someone making meals that we just had to reheat were fabulous- meant one less thing to worry about - but also eating healthily so helping her recovery. Offering to do anything that would allow her and her dh/dp to spend as much time as possible at the hospital.

Acknowledge her baby and the fact that she is a mum as someone else said... that was important to me - even though dd1 was not at home with me.

Second little teddies etc - we had a couple for dd1 and it was good to compare her with the size of her little tigger and see how much she had grown.

We did have clothes provided for dd1 in the scbu BUT it was nice when she came out of the humidicrib to be able to put on some of the clothes we had bought/were given for her to wear.

Thinking of your friend.

thanks for all your helpful messages. friend's ds is named Adam and has been put onto a smaller ventilator, which is good. consultation with doctor today might tell more. unfortunately i do not live near enough to do practical stuff but she has lots of family close. we will be going down at the wkend because (it gets worse!) they are getting married on saturday. they are going make the wedding family only now but hoping to see her briefly and wish them all well

Oh My goodness

sending hugs to Adam's Mummy and Daddy and Adam{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}

and positive vibes to Adam ++++++++++++++++++++++

((((HUGS))))) to your friend. Would agree about texting rather than phoning, mobile phones not allowed in icbu. She'll probably be feeling a bit tearful, its hard to go into icbu and see your baby all connected to drips and wires. You can feel a bit surplus to requirements as stall really know what they are doing. my ds3 was 32 weeks which is a lot bigger than your friends ds! What I found especially hard was that although I was allowed to put my hand into the incubator, he didn't like to be touched and would flinch. dh pointed out that he liked to have his hand held gently and this did help. If she's planning to breastfeed, its great to know that the milk you're expressing is doing your baby good and sometimes its the only thing you feel that you can do for your baby that no-one else can do. Sorry if I've rambled a bit!

How is baby Adam, Ronniec? Any news?

Adam is doing well - his heart and lungs are good, he is being given insulin and is able to take mother's milk off a teaspoon. a brain scan showed a small area of possible damage but they can't say yet how significant it is. Mum and Dad are both coping amazingly well, it's just a matter of waiting...

Thanks for the update, ronniec. I was thinking about him and his mum and dad.