Brief outline is that I'm hoping to have another baby but I'm in two minds - largely because the first 'go' was a bit of a nightmare: placenta praevia, hideous recurrent bleeding, month in hospital on bedrest until haemorrhage in night and emergency section at 35 weeks (under GA as epidural was bodged), hideous recovery, haematoma behind scar so open and leaking blood for six weeks, PTSD, PND for a year.....F*cking terrible. Gorgeous twins though who are the love of my life so all well in the end.
Anyhoo, I'm pretty nervous about having another baby as I just don't feel I could go through that again. I know there are no guarantees in life and I was lucky to have my twins born healthy and alive (I know this) but the experience was a shocker. I know caesareans are life-saving, and in my case probably so as one of the placentas was very unstable and bleeding on and off like a tap, but I really don't want to have one again. I'd do anything to avoid the grim recovery as it took me weeks to feel anything close to normal afterwards. And even now, two years on, the scar is still slightly bruised and I have adhesions.
So I'd love a VBAC but also I'd like a consultant who, if I had to have a caesarean, would look after me well and not leave me with a dreadful scar. I know it's a point of vanity which I'm sure lots of people will find pathetic, but the only thing that can be said about my caesarean is that my scar is small and neat (bruising aside). So my only way to guarantee this is to go private and throw money at the issue. I don't want to run the risk of ending up in hospital at night with a surgeon at the tail end of a nightshift who cuts me hip to hip and leaves me with a wonky, lumpy scar (this happened to a girlfriend and she's so upset about it - she won't show her husband her stomach 18 months on). I'd like to find someone who is willing (if no complications) to allow me to try for VBAC.
Can anyone recommend a great consultant at C&W or Portland who would be pro-VBAC but excellent at caesareans? This post has been massively waffling but I'd really appreciate anyone's thoughts or help. I've toyed with doulas and independent midwives but I'm still scared of running the risk of ending up in hospital at the hands of some tired, anonymous surgeon. And even worse, someone who doesn't care if I have another secion under GA again, etc.
Thanks in advance. As you can see, I'm a bit lost about it all.