The Birth - has anyone done it alone?

[englishcountrygarden]

I don't mean completely alone. I'm planning a hospital birth you see and I don't think I'm going to have a birth partner.
(Background: I split up from my dp earlier this year and found out I was pregnant shortly afterwards. He didn't want me to keep the baby and even as recently as last week told me I was selfish to have the baby and it still wasn't too late to do something about it (I'm 18 weeks pg). So even if dp changes his mind I doubt that I would want him to be there after his behaviour.
Anyway, although I have some good friends and my family are helpful, I wouldn't want any of them at the birth if you see what I mean.
So I just wondered if anybody else had gone it alone and had any helpful hints, encouraging thoughts etc

apologies for the ramble and many thanks

ps dp and I already have two dc so this won't be a first birth experience

Bit different I know but I had my dd by CS on my own.

The staff were lovely and made me feel really comfortable and kept reassuring me and answered all of my stupid questions.

Because I didn't have anyone with me the lovely anaethetist sat with me the whole way through and chatted to me.

Had I had less drugs I would have loved to have thanked him.

I'm going with no birth partner here.

We have no family here and no one to keep the girls, so DH will need to stay home with them.

The midwives know and are really cool about it.

I had ds2 alone, as we had no childcare in place for ds1 and although I knew I was in labour I wasn't convinced it was really imminent - we went to hospital to keep a routine appointment and half an hour later he was there . dh and ds1 were in the hospital but not in the room. It was fine - first, because it was a very short time, second, because I was so wrapped up in the birth and the contractions. If I did it again, though (and presumably had more time to get into a 'labour' mindset), I would like a supporter if at all possible. Have you consideted a doula?

I wasn't alone, but felt like I might as well have been. DH was as much use as a chocolate teapot. He sat and did the crossword and drank tea and popped out for the odd fag. The MWs were excellent though.

Porto !

I loved having DH there. He is a very calming influence.

But it's not to be this time round.

I love the senior midwife.

Hope she's there at the birth.

There'll be two there, as there are at all births - midwife led unit.

I must admit i didn't really notice. I had pethidine and gas and air and was off with the fairies . In fact when it came to em cs, they sent him off to put some scrubs on and he came back with them OVER his clothes. We all had a bloody good laugh. At least I could still laugh at that point!

Sorry your relationship has broken down but you seem very strong.

Being alone didn't make any difference to me. I was so wrapped up in the birth. I'm not sentimental after the birth though, so didn't mind having no one to share it with...I just wanted to get some sleep before being moved onto the postnatal ward!

I feel closer to my DD because it was just the 2 of us.

Do make sure you have lots of options lined up for childcare though, and don't be afraid to ask people to be your 3am back up plan. They won't mind at all. And insist your friends and family smuggle lots of decent food into hospital for you

Sorry to hear about your situation.
What about a Doula? That way you would have support post natally too.
Got to go as ds2 squeaking.
HTH

englishcountrygarden, I don't know what your local hospital is like. If you're going to be in a consultant led unit with 'normal' staffing there's a strong likelyhood you'll be left alone in labour a lot, unless you have complications or an epidural (or both!). On the other hand, if you are going into a MLU which provides one to one care you may well get all the support you need in labour.

I'd talk to the midwives about it - ask them to be honest about staffing levels on their unit. Ask them if women routinely get one to one care in labour.

If the answer in 'no - not often' then I'd start looking for a doula. There's a lot of good research showing that having an another woman birth supporter can really reduce your risk of ending up with a c-section and of needing pain relief. They've actually included a reference to this in the NICE guidelines on c-section - that all women should be informed of this fact.

If money is an issue Doula UK has a hardship fund.

www.doula.org.uk/

You might also be able to find a trainee doula who will care for you for free to gain experience in supporting women in labour.

Good luck!

Sorry - wanted to add that if you're going to be caring for a newborn and your other children alone it's particularly important for you to do all you can to avoid having a c-section. If I was you I'd be pointing this out to your midwife when you're admitted in labour!