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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Anyone else get more nervous about giving birth the more children they have??

25 replies

DisenchantedPlusBump · 30/07/2008 14:45

With my first I was oblivious and it went fine apart from tearing, with ds2 I wasn't scared at all and had a home birth.

But this time for some reason Im very nervous.

I confided in my mum and she agreed that by her 3rd and 4th children she was terrified! And had panick attacks with the 4th even though the birthd got EASIER!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

NatalieJaneIsPregnantAgain · 30/07/2008 14:58

The only things that worries me is a) the length of the labour (last one was 2 hours) b) what do I do with the kids while I am in labour, DH is 4 hours drive away, no one for miles and miles who could look after the kids etc. etc.

I have actually had a dream of my waters breaking at 2pm, having baby at 3pm, walking up the road to school 5 minutes late to get DS1, holding new baby in one hand and the placenta in the other...

I'm not nervous of the labour itself at all.

supercherry · 30/07/2008 16:31

Yes, with my first labour I was hardly nervous at all, not really knowing what to expect- but it was sooo agonisingly painful (back-to-back) that now, even though I want more children I don't think I can cope with the labour

belgo · 30/07/2008 16:35

Yes actually! I wasn't that nervous with dd1, more excited then nervous. With dd2 I also wasn't that nervous, but the birth was worse.

This time I'm far more nervous - not so much about the labour itself but about how the baby will be. My real fear is that the baby won't be breathing and that I'll lose a lot of blood.

lovelysongbird · 30/07/2008 16:39

yes definatly with dd i wasn't scared but after things going wrong i would b v v v scared if there is ever a next time.

ikwym you expect to feel calmer nafter the 1st

snooks · 30/07/2008 16:46

yes definitely

with ds1 I thought "oh it can't be that bad everyone does it" oh how I laughed afterwards

with ds2 I thought it would be lots easier and it was (compared to the first time)

with dd3 it was similar to ds2, but the last 2 hours were so painful I feel like I will never forget the feeling (like you do after the first time) and would be terrified to do it again

so my fear has sort of gone in reverse order

Original poster

DisenchantedPlusBump · 30/07/2008 18:28

Yes, i think its more fear of something going wrong rather than labour itself.

OP posts:

belgo · 30/07/2008 20:16

Disenchanted - my midwife seems to think that I'm more nervous this time because I feel as though I've used up all my 'luck' having two healthy babies, and that this time I won't have that luck.

But I don't really believe in luck. I think I'm more nervous simply because I'm more aware of things that can go wrong, I know a lot more this time round.

maidamess · 30/07/2008 20:21

I was much more scared with no.2 as I knew what was coming!

No 3 I just wanted it over and done with, and knew the signs it was all ending.

I was much more scared about the stitching subsequent times however, which I believe is 10 times worse than the birth itself.

expatinscotland · 30/07/2008 20:23

i worry about me or the baby dying in childbirth. i'm terrified of leaving behind my girls.

blueshoes · 30/07/2008 20:57

For my second, I wasn't nervous at all or even thought about the birth during my pregnancy. Hardly any mental preparation. That was because I was having an elective.

belgo · 30/07/2008 20:58

expat - I think it's quite sensible to have these fears. Childbirth is often the most dangerous part of life for the mother and baby - or at least it used to be (and still is in many countries), and we still have that instinctive fear that something will go wrong, even if our heads are telling us that the chances are small if we have good medical care.

Are you also planning a home birth for no.3?

girlandboy · 30/07/2008 21:00

Yes, that's why I stopped at two!

catweazle · 30/07/2008 21:00

YES!!

With my 4th I burst into tears when the contractions started, just at the thought of what was to come. When I had the 5th last year I got myself into a real state absolutely petrified at the thought of giving birth.

DD2 did me a favour and turned breech at 37 weeks so I ended up with an elective CS. Phew!

belgo · 30/07/2008 21:01

I have to admit - I'm more scared of having a c-section though then a vaginal delivery!

Minniethemoocher · 30/07/2008 21:10

Belgo - me too! I am sh1tting myself about having a c-section, but the thought of another vaginal birth and horrendous third degree tear does not appeal either!

Oh well the baby can only come out one of two ways!

blueshoes · 30/07/2008 21:13

belgo, I can understand that.

I had little stress for an elective cs because there is very little risk to the baby - the so-called respiratory risk is miniscule for babies 39 weeks and above.

And I knew I did not have to push.

Just the mechanics of getting the baby out. But then I already had one cs (emergency) and knew an elective would be a walk in the park, once I got through the first 48 hours, and it was.

Divvy · 30/07/2008 21:16

I am having a c-section tomorrow, and am getting scared now! 5th baby 2nd c-sec.

Labour didnt really bother me untill I saw my eldest daughter give birth!

Cos its ok while its happening to you, a bit out of it, and drugged up, but to see someone else go through it...really scared me!

belgo · 30/07/2008 21:18

Good luck for tomorrow Divvy! You probably shouldn't be reading threads like this.

I've also seen a woman give birth, it was hideous, really put me off hospital births.

Divvy · 30/07/2008 21:18

..plus me c-section tomorrow, is going to be done in the cold light of day, so to speak. Not after a long painful labour where I have already had drugs, so I have jsut realsied taht I am going to VERY aware of everything going on.

franke · 30/07/2008 21:20

Belgo, I was very worried about giving birth for the third time for exactly the reasons you've described - I really felt I may have used up all my luck too. I would visualise holding ds2 in my arms and it all being over and the two of us being ok, but there would always be the niggling worry in the back of my mind. The birth did go ok in the end (albeit a bit quick for my liking) and ds2 is perfect. But I can't go through that worry again and that is a major reason why there won't be a number 4.

expatinscotland · 31/07/2008 13:55

No, I'm not having a homebirth.

This house is WAY too far from any consultant led care if anything goes wrong.

I also don't really want to give birth whilst my younger children are in the house and there is no one to leave them with.

belgo · 31/07/2008 15:40

expat - I also wouldn't be happy having a home birth if we lived far away from a hospital. But we only live five mintutes drive away (we've done it in 2/3 minutes getting to a&e), but even so, the thought of being blue lighted to hospital with a baby in distress does make me feel worried.

Divvy, hope you and your baby are fine

expatinscotland · 31/07/2008 15:42

i wouldn't feel comfortable grunting like a cavewoman or making sounds i might need to with my two young children here, so again, another reason why a homebirth isn't for me.

but the distance is a mitigating factor.

if you fall into distress at our local MWLU, you are choppered to the CLU across the water - takes 8 minutes. they can have you in theatre out cold in 10 minutes, apparently.

FoghornLeghorn · 31/07/2008 15:47

I am absolutely terrified this time

I'm currently 39 weeks and up until about a week ago, whenever someone mentioned labour I stuck my fingers in my ears and la la la'd.

Had to go to hospital today for a presentatin scan and it all suddenly dawned on me whats going to happen, the smell, the fear .... ARRRGGG it was awful.

NorthernLurker · 31/07/2008 15:51

I worried a lot about losing the baby when I was having my third and having to tell the big girls what had happened. Didn't worry so much about me - but after the birth, having had a fairly minor pph, I did reflect on that and it helped me to decide that I wasn't going to do that again!

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