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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

What happens if you have no birth partner?

26 replies

LadyOfWaffle · 24/07/2008 13:35

DH has just got a new job and has to go for 3 days training (staying away) on the 4th, 5th and 6th August and I am due on the 8th. The only other person around is my mum who is having DS, so what happens if you don't have a birth partner? Are you allowed to not have one?

OP posts:

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 24/07/2008 13:37

your allowed to not have one but i think you should try and find some one you will need support. isnt there any friends you are close enough to to ask?

RubyRioja · 24/07/2008 13:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

LadyOfWaffle · 24/07/2008 13:44

Not at all... one possibly but she had 2 kids herself. Very shy about having someone I don't know terribly well (well, anyone other than DH) at the birth!

OP posts:

pickie · 24/07/2008 13:57

maybe somebody else can look after your DS and your mum can be your birth partner if you both would feel comfortable with it?

I dont think you must have a birth partner though, both times I gave birth I'd preferred to be on my own and only have one MW present and at 3rd stage 2 MW's (were both homebirths). DH was faffing about in the garden on my say so.

hanaflower · 24/07/2008 13:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

littlerach · 24/07/2008 14:15

My friend chose to give birth alone, with just a mw.
They were aware of htis, and did their best to have a mw who she knew.

Her dp had passed out at the birth of their first child, so wasn't present!!¬

Original poster

LadyOfWaffle · 24/07/2008 20:45

Much rather give birth alone than have my mum there, the thought doesn't bear thinking about! A family friend may come up and stay at my mums for the 3/4 days DH is away I think just incase, although if it's allowed I think i'd rather be alone.

OP posts:

georgimama · 24/07/2008 20:49

My mum had my older brother and me without her husband as he was home looking after eldest brother, she said twas fine. I had my mum instead of my DH (which he says he now regrets, didn't want to be there) and it was fabulous, very girl power.

You'll probably be 10 days late and it won't be an issue!!

chandellina · 24/07/2008 20:50

can't your DH beg off from the training? i can't believe an employer wouldn't be understanding on that

bythepowerofgreyskull · 24/07/2008 20:50

my friend has had 3 children in 3 years and has only had the midwife with her each time. Her DH has been upstairs watching telly by mutual agreement.
I think if you can get your head round it then it may be better than being with someone you don't feel comfortable with.
I hope you find a way that you are happy with.

laura325630 · 24/07/2008 21:43

You dont have to have anyone with you. I got so fed up with dp that I sent him away for 20 minutes and he nearly missed it!!! The midwives were fab and dp only held the gas and air mouthpiece!!

expatinscotland · 24/07/2008 21:59

I will have birth partner this time round.

If I am able to give birth at the local hospital/midwife-led unit, then I'll have two midwives with me at all times.

If I have to go to the big hospital near Glasgow, well, I don't know who will be there at all.

Of course you are 'allowed' not to have one.

What if you don't have anyone you can bring?

copingvquietly · 24/07/2008 22:00

i didnt have a birth partner either.it was just me and my midwife

hope you find someone.

Pruners · 24/07/2008 22:05

Message withdrawn

expatinscotland · 24/07/2008 22:05

Sometimes there's just no help for it - you don't know anyone well enough to ask, you have NO family around and there are other children who need looked after.

It happens.

Miaou · 24/07/2008 22:07

I didn't have a birth partner when I had ds2 (dh had to look after the other children). The hospital knew this was likely to happen and said that they wouldn't leave me on my own if I wanted company. But when it came to it the mw on duty just came and looked at me occasionally then left me to it and I just didn't have the wherewithal to ask her to stay. I was miserable and lonely and didn't enjoy the birth very much, but more than anything I missed having dh by my side (as he had been for the other three), so I was stuck with the situation as it was. But it wasn't the end of the world in the scheme of things.

fishie · 24/07/2008 22:12

i had a week long stay in hospital what with inductions and cs recovery. dh was only there with me for about 18 hours of that.

get a doula waffle.

Original poster

LadyOfWaffle · 24/07/2008 23:18

A doula i'd have to book etc. and I may not even give birth in those 3/4 days (fingers crossed!) Problem is it's training for a new job and it could delay his start date and in the big scheme of things it's more important I guess. The main thing I was worried about, the fact I thought you might not be allowed is the MW (last time anyway) wasn't there for alot of it, so thought someone would have to stay in the room with you incase something happened.

OP posts:

PortAndLemon · 24/07/2008 23:23

DH only got to hospital as DD was crowning this time round (waiting for MIL to arrive to look after DS) -- it was fine, actually, and I wouldn't have minded from my point of view if he hadn't made it (obviously would have been sad for him missing it).

Hannah81 · 24/07/2008 23:32

How far away will he be - we are in SWales and scotland is only 5hrs away - could you not ring him as soon as it starts and hope he gets there when you will need him most? I can't imagine having to do it without my DH, sorry if it's not what you want to hear, but the thought of not having him there would have terrified me. what if it doesn't all go to plan and you need a section or something? Surely you'd want him there then? I would rather delay the training for a few weeks - it would only be 3weeks at the most and at least it would guarantee him being there when you need him the most.

lisad123 · 24/07/2008 23:32

I was at the hospital already on the ward when i went into labour suddenly. My labour was very quick so I didnt have DH there until the last 10 mins. I have 2 lovely midwifes, who were fab. Im sure you wouldnt be the first to do it alone,and to be honest I didnt have time to think about DH.
If all else fails, cross your legs

Original poster

LadyOfWaffle · 24/07/2008 23:45

Eeeek, didn't think about complications etc.! He is 3 hours 21 mins away by car (according to google maps) but my mum says that route has taken her 7 odd hours before dep. on time of day. He may take the train which is 4 hours ish. But I really don't want him to frig up his new job by leaving the training, esp. if everything is OK. Baby doesn't care if he's there or not, but obviously will care if we have a roof over our heads and food on the table if you get my drift. As long as i'm not going to get ticked off by the hospital for not bringing someone ie. having to 'waste' a member of staff to sit with me I think I'll be ok... I was conked out most of last time so think I will be OK without the emotional support [slightly deluded probably!] it's just thinking if I pass out in the delivery room and am not discovered for ages or something silly that I am thinking about... errr, so yeah, as long as I am allowed to not have one I am sure i'll cope I just get worried over silly things like being told off for not having someone

OP posts:

Ellbell · 24/07/2008 23:54

You will be fine. My dh was with me when I had dd2 (dd1 was an elective section, so very different) but tbh (and I'd never say this to him...only to a load of random strangers on the web ) I would really have preferred him to be outside pacing the corridors and smoking [he doesn't actually smoke, but...] like a 1950s expectant dad. He didn't do anything wrong (well, apart from chat to the midwives about random stuff that I didn't wnat to hear about), but I really felt very strongly that this birth was between me and my baby and that everyone and everything else was an unnecessary distraction. I didn't want to be touched, or to have my back rubbed, or to be spoken to, or anything. I just wanted to be left alone to get on with it. I know I am a bit unusual in this, but unless you are totally freaked by the idea, I'd just go for it. The midwives will keep a close eye on you (closer because you're on your own) and you can pull the emergency cord if you are worried at all. I am totally with you on preferring to have no-one than someone you're not 100% comfortable with. I love my mum, but I'd rather die than give birth in front of her.

lisad123 · 24/07/2008 23:58

I didnt really care that DH wasnt there, and to be honest once he was, he wasnt much use anyways

Mamazon · 25/07/2008 00:00

am i a total bitch for realy wanting to have got in first and said
No. they plug a cork up your fanny and send you home till you get one.

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