My only reason for not asking for an Elec c-section is how I would explain it to my

[Flum]

daughters when they are older and pregnant.

It feels like a cop out. I am scared of labour and birth though and have a friend whose baby was badly brain damaged from the cord roudn neck in labour/

I've had one emergency section and one ventouse delivery both with epidural.

ho hum

assume they would give me an elec if I really wanted one.

The massage you should be giving your daughters is to feel empowered to do whats right for them. If you want one cause its going to be better for you after to difficult births then talk to someone about the possbility you don't have to commit yet.

After two births that didn't go to plan you might find comfort in knwoing what's happening and when!

the message you give your children is that it does not matter how you have a child but that you have a gorgeous wee bundle at the end of it. safely - for you both. That you made the best choice at the time with the information provided you.

My mother - three easy natural births including db1 who was breech. Me - three c-sections - no shame in that. I would not expect my daughters to think any less of me as that is how they were born.

Having a child vaginally does not make you a better person nor does it make you a better mother.

I very much doubt your daughters will care one way or the other tbh!

The best thing for you to do for your daughters is the best thing to do for you, surely? I don't know how old your daughters are, but if they see you going into hospital for a VB and you're terrified, that would send a very powerful message to them. But if you go in for an elective CS and you're excited to see the new baby, that sends a very different message.

And so what if your daughters end up having CS too? It will be their choice and they will do what's best for them.

Your children won't judge you.

You have to do what's best for you, and you don't have to justify your reasons.

I think you would give the message that it's the end result which counts, not the getting there! I've had 2 CS (one em, one el) and am about to elect a 3rd. I don't feel less of a mother for doing this or that anyone would judge me. There are no medals available for the "right" birth or doing it without drugs etc. It honestly wouldn't have occurred to me that I will have to "explain" myself to my children.

You probably would be able to have a section as an elective as you've had a CS before. Can you not just tell your girls it was the best option to take at the time? TBH, I am having a 3rd section as I don't want a VBA2C - there isn't a reason unlike the others - but I was not planning to debate this with anyone, least of all DC3! I really cannot see how or why they would judge you, so talk to your consultant and see if it is in fact the best thing for you to do as things stand.

HTH.

How will they know? I have no idea how my sister and I where delivered? I've never thought to ask or felt any need to ask

I've heard people complain about their mothers so many times - from the reasonable to the completely unreasonable - but I've never, ever heard anyone grumble about how they were born. I think most kids either don't ever care, or grow up to realise that pregnancy and birth are hugely altruistic acts, no matter what. There's no easy option - a section may be the best option for you, but it's still major surgery, not a walk in the park!

And if they do care - I think the message that would most matter is that it's not important how you birth - it's how you mother. And you're also going to be setting the example that it's up to you what happens to your own body. I'd applaud my mother for that - I do applaud her for instilling that in me, actually, in other contexts.

I wish there weren't this daft status and politics around how you birth. Nobody gets pregnant to give birth, but to have a child, and all the event is to me is how I get from A to B. I want us both safe, and then I want it to hurt as little as possible. Method is irrelevant outside those aims, and I think that's as it should be.

flum

you're having a baby not a birth

imo

do what is best for you

Wow. I was not expecting those type of responses. I get what you have all said and it should make me feel much better, but this thing has really got to me.

I don't wnat to say to the girls when they are older that I was scared of the pain of childbirth as they might feel that way too.

I already pretend I am not scared of spiders in front of them!

My attitude to childbirth was certainly coloured by my Mum's experiences. As it happens, I was right to be terrified as even though I did all the wonderful natural childbirth stuff and was active and upright I still had the same delivery as my Mum who was forced flat on her back in stirrups with a shave and an enema.
But the only reason that she terrified me (almost to the point where I never had children because of it) was because she kept going on and on about my birth! If you've already had one C section, then there is a valid medical reason to go for an elective this time around, and that's all that you have to tell them! They probably won't be at all interested in your deliveries anyway, certainly at least until they are pregnant themselves, and with any luck the whole culture of childbirth will have changed enough that your deliveries will be irrelevant.