Hospital invited be back for a birth debrief

[MostlyHoldingItTogether]

Hello,

My baby girl is 6 months old and I have been invited back to the hospital for a birth debrief. Apparently when you have a traumatic labour, they offer you to come back and talk it over. So you understand what happened and why.

the thing is I actually think back to my labour as being really lovely. the induction part wasn’t great and it was long and the ending was a bit scary, but hoesntly I don’t think I want to think of it as anything else.

back story - I was high risk as my first DD was stillborn, my second DD was prem and had same complications as first DD. However my first was 12 years ago and my second 11 years ago. This time my pregnancy was actually very enjoyable and went smoothly. It was great that I got lots of extra scans and care though. She was consistently measuring bigger than usual, but on the last scan at 37 weeks she was suddenly measuring small. Going from 90th centile to 50th. Doctor didn’t want to take any risks and advised because of history and being full term, I should be induced. I decided I’d have a sweep and if that didn’t work, I’d be induced.

Sweep did not work, I had 3 failed inductios, so then they booked me in for c-section. However before I was taken down for c-section she checked me over and could finally reach my waters. So I decided I’d rather do Vaginal birth and she broke my waters. I had oxytocin drip and labour went very quickly once I’d had water broken and the oxytocin. I had epidural and gas and air. But I fell asleep after first dose and then needed to push when I woke up. So to me it was peaceful and went fast. The only complication was i pushed for 1 hour due to shoulder dystocia. At one point just before she was born, went from midwife in the room to about 20 other members of staff, multiple midwives, consultants, ward manager etc etc. She needed resuscitation for 2 minutes once she was born. Obviously the ending was a little bit stressful and those 2 minutes were the longest 2 minutes of my life. But actually all round I feel it went really well, me and my partner actually had a lot of fun before the epidural and I slept and labour was only 6 hours start to finish.

My question is - has anyone been to one of these and what’s your thoughts? I don’t want my perspective of what I feel was a nice labour to be ruined. So I’m hesitant to go and I don’t think I’m going to.

What you might want to do is feedback exactly how you feel. One thing that stands out to me from your experience is that you seem completely informed about what happened and why. You were also given choices when circumstances rapidly changed and it would be a bit of a hassle for them to change things. They still offered you choice.

Hearing that you had a good experience and it was likely because of how well you were informed and that they facilitated your choices which gave the power back to you might show them how they do things right. Additionally, it might highlight practitioners who were instrumental in delivering that care.

I thought people had to ask for one, maybe your area is different. From what you've said, I wouldn't bother in your shoes, it doesn't seem like it's going to be of any benefit to you or anyone else, and you probably are quite busy and so are the staff, so unless you actually want to (which is fine, but not the way your post reads), seems a waste of time.

I really agree with this. I was referred to the debrief service at my hospital because of a shoulder dystocia and a major hemorrhage, but I didn't find those traumatic at all because I understood what was happening and why.
What I did find very distressing was being physically forced, at length and despite my refusal, onto my back. To them that was so normalised that when I eventually gave up and let them, they recorded that as "consent". They didn't think they'd done anything wrong at all.
Imo for many if not most women the trauma or lack therefore is down to how you're treated rather than whether or not there were objectively complications. It's really important for midwives, obstetricians, hospitals to understand this and many of them just don't.

"It's really important for midwives, obstetricians, hospitals to understand this and many of them just don't."

Yes, they just say that birth is unpredictable so you shouldn't have fixed ideas, then act like women are too stupid to understand that things can change very quickly.

This

I had a similar birth to you OP and have lovely memories so I would leave it be and decline the invitation.

Sometimes I think that we can talk ourselves into thinking a birth is traumatic when it’s ….. just childbirth. It can be a messy business but once you are treated with respect and kindness and you come out with a healthy baby, unharmed by birth, I can see no reason to feel traumatised. ai appreciate that’s not everyone’s experience, some have better, some have far far worse.

You are under no obligation to attend.

Yes!
Birth can be unpredictable just like life can be unpredictable. But you should absolutely be able to rely on the people paid to care for you to treat you with respect and dignity.

In your case I probably wouldn’t bother going. If you’re not traumatised by it I’m not sure there is any benefit in going through it in detail when you already have nice memories.

I went to a birth review as I was traumatised and needed to understand exactly what had happened before I could commit to having another child. It was something I requested and it was with a midwife counsellor, I think over a couple of sessions. I found it very helpful.

Brilliant reply. I’m still quite traumatised by my first birth which went “perfectly” but where I wasn’t given choices or information. My second couldn’t have gone worse, but I felt in control and loved it.

These meetings are an important part of new mothers being heard. If you don’t feel you need to go over it I’d email and decline but also give your feedback via the email.

Yes great thank you.

it’s odd because my first two children’s births were horrendous and I was extremely traumatised and still am by them, but was never invited to birth debrief. I don’t know if that’s just because it wasn’t a thing 12 years ago. But that’s when I would have benefitted from one.

think I’m just going to email and decline and give them the lovely feedback I have from my experience.

Thanks for all comments and advice.