Thoughts on childbirth for you as a woman

[WhatIsPink]

I’ve recently given birth to my third child which is a hard one, in my case but probably not in general sense, I had 4 months extreme unwellness, then having an extra large bump then griddle pain, then extra fluid, late gestation, then I accepted induction at 42 weeks, was in hospital for 2 days but hardly dilated and was feeling sorry for myself, then suddenly natural labour came on and gave birth within an hour but with second degree tear. Healthy baby girl.

then the usual newborn and recovery. Stitiches pain, scared of bowel movement from the stitches, engorged breast for breast feeding, every time I breast feed it’s like my breasts are stabbed. Lack of sleep, swollen feet from fluid retention and contraction from breast feeding etc etc.

I know I’m lucky to have a very healthy baby girl and quick labour and etc and in grand scheme of things, the pain I endured isn’t bad. However as a woman, I feel for myself. In a way I feel for my daughters who will go through this one day when they are older if they want a family.

pregnancy and childbirth is an experience but at the same time it’s such a painful process that men don’t have to endure. We are more often than not expected to do it / get on with it and a lot of the time we justify it by saying we have a healthy baby.

Maybe it’s still my hormone talking, I feel I need a bit self care or self pity even for the pain I went through and looking to hear some thoughts from people who also perhaps “feel for themselves” as a woman who does all the hard lifting in the process.

I think a lot of it could be hormones. I don't think I ever considered it unfair that men don't have to endure the same thing, because I kind of liked being THE one: I made the baby; I fed it with my own body to make it survive; I get final say.

I found ages 2-7 with tantrums weekend parties and constantly being grabbed/ touched by small children worse.

I absolutely believe that if men had to go through pregnancy and child birth the standard of care, particularly after care would improve significantly!!

🤣 we still have a lot more equality to be had!
tbh, I find most male obstetricians still lacks understanding or empathy for women and what they are going through but glad there are some really good female obstetricians who voice for the women.

I actually feel sorry for men that they don’t get to carry a child/give birth.

I loathed pregnancy. I was as sick as a dog (not HG, but just vomiting 3+ times every day) and knackered (severe anaemia) all the way through my pregnancies.

But (for me) giving birth was absolutely amazing (3 out of 4 - one was not good). Hurt a lot. But I was high as a kite, I think literally, immediately afterwards (and that was despite the fact that each time I vomited until I got an anti-emetic injection). I’ve often said I suspect giving birth was like taking Class As.

I am now in my fifties and am still sometimes sad I’ll never give birth again (just the birth, mind, I definitely wouldn’t want another baby, never mind a teenager).

I know that I was very lucky, btw, however smug this post sounds.

On the one hand it makes me feel powerful and in awe of what women's bodies can do. Giving birth to my second at home was the best thing that's ever happened to me. I felt safe and supported. I was giddy with joy for days afterwards.
On the other it is an extremely vulnerable thing to go through. With my first I was anxious during pregnancy, did not have very good support (mostly due to my own bad choices). During labor I experienced obstetric violence.
It had honestly never occurred to me that things would be done to me without my consent, and it was pretty distressing. I feel visceral fear when I think about women giving birth in hospital. My sister in law is probably choosing a hospital birth in the USA. It worries me.
I know that many women are treated respectfully during childbirth but I also know that it's pretty much down to luck. There is almost nothing you can do to defend yourself.

Yes men have no idea. However we are the stronger sex so is our job. If men had the children I think we’d be extinct.
take your time to recover op it’s a tough process from conception to 1-2 years postpartum

It all depends on how it ex for you i suppose, i gave birth easily without pain meds and it didn’t hurt, just uncomfortable for a couple of hours. No stitches, breastfeeding easy etc. my experience means i am pretty blasé about childbirth. Im acutely aware it’s not always like this

I was you in my first pregnancy.

A midwife pushing the baby out while the doctor used a ventouse to pull her out pushed all my internal organs down and gave me the trifecta of prolapses.

I thought it was normal until I was for my anesthetic appointment for the second and the doctor gasped when he read my record. (Both kids born in France).

I just cannot imagine anyone really understanding it without going through it. Childbirth can be unimaginably brutal.
And the postnatal bleeding I had was an absolute bloodbath both times. And the contractions after DC2 were hardcore.

Someone asked me the other day if I’d do it all again. And I couldn’t really answer. My kids are adults now and I adore them. But the cost to me was very high. And looking back with distance I can see how absolutely brutal that first birth was.

Former hospital doctor here. Maternity care is abysmal. After my emergency c section I was expected to leave the bedside (and my baby) and walk the long corridor to collect my meals from the dinner trolley on the 5 days I spent on the postnatal ward. I have worked in surgical wards across 6 hospitals and no other patients are expected to collect their own food and look after themselves after such a major surgery. A man having a routine minor operation is tended to better. They will also get more analgesia.

It’s not just male obstetricians, it’s the female obstetricians and the midwives too. There is a lot of empathy burnout and internalised misogyny.

Relieved that I have no plans for more children.

I actually found the female midwife and obstetricians so much worse. Especially a couple of midwives were patronising and completely lacking in empathy. I found the male midwife and male doctors who looked after me much more respectful and compassionate. With some of the women it felt like they thought they knew better than me how I should be feeling, because they were women too.

And yes, what is it with the reluctance to give adequate pain relief? It comes from the nurses and midwives rather than the doctors. The doctors, especially the anaesthetists, were very keen to spur me on to request proper analgesics.

Personally I wish I hadn't been offered gas and air. It wasn't wrong to offer, but it would have been better for me if it hadn't been.
Although really I wish I had been clearer in my own mind and with my husband about what I did and didn't want. If I had been, then I probably wouldn't have accepted it when offered.

I was lucky having a completely problem free pregnancy. No nausea at all, I only realised I was pregnant (at 44y5m) when I was very tired and went to the gp to check my thyroid. I worked full time, commuted to docklands until I was 8 months, then my ankles got a bit puffy so worked locally for the last 3 weeks. It was easy.

However, labour was slow, 30 hours at home, then another 16hrs in maternity. Ds got stuck, they lost his heart beat, no theatre available so needle in the back of the hand and ventouse. I don't remember giving birth and took 24 hours to be back on my feet.

The team on the postnatal ward were brilliant, it was my partner who let me down. I guess few of us has a perfect experience.

I really felt like I’d been missold a dream when I had my first.
I thought you were sick a bit the first few months of pregnancy, maybe you’re a bit hormonal, and then Labour obviously hurts, I didn’t know all about the pregnancy pain, the other health problems that I incurred because the pregnancy, the recovery was a shock and the lack of medical care offered to me and then lasting medical problems and the breastfeeding problems. I also felt traumatised by the birth and what had happened to me, even though it wasn’t that bad compared to others. It was a real confrontation for me in the lack of equality between men and women too, even just down to medical misogyny. I was so so hurt too that women that had gone through it before like older DSis, dm and MIL, who knew what it was like and what I must be feeling, could still be so careless towards me. But maybe I was just naive and I have lots of friends who sailed through it.

For me, it was a wonderful, powerful experience.

My first child was born during COVID. I didn't have a problem with going to appointments on my own and found it peaceful. The postnatal ward had beds separated by a partition and I was by a window, so it was like a private room. It was a long labour but I never felt out of control and gave birth in a midwife led unit with no interventions. Home the next morning, no stitches, easy recovery.

Second baby even better. 3h labour, 40 min active, no drugs at all; home that afternoon. I felt incredibly strong and the midwives were fabulous.

I would love to do it again.

I hope you’ve got lots of support postpartum OP. Women are a different league to men in my opinion. Since I’ve had kids I am in total awe of all the women around the world. They just can’t compare, physically, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually to the strength of a woman!