Birthing partners - advice needed please.

[jona]

One of my best friends has asked me to be one of her birthing partners during the birth of her first child. I'm thrilled but also pretty apprehensive. Wondered if anyone else has done this and if so have you got any tips? Her husband will be there as well but is pretty squeamish and can't imagine will be of great use when it comes to the push and shove! Tips for him would also be welcomed (particularly if you/r husband was also of the more fragile variety - how did they cope???

My best friend asked me to be her birthing partner for her little boy who's now 6, her partner too was squeamish so I was there incase he flaked out!
It was the most amazing experience I'd every had(I wasn't a mum at the time).
When she wanted something, there was always be someone with her so she was never left alone. When it was time to go to the delivery suite they both were able to concentrate on the birth and not worry about her bag/possessions left on the ward as I packed them up and took them to her (the midwives said there had been thefts recently).
I helped her in and out the shower after the birth while Daddy go to know his new son.
I took their first family photo and was the first person outside their family to hold the baby.
There are so many wonderful memories about that day for her and her new family and I was honoured enough to be asked to be included in this day.
I could go on and on about this but hopefully by what I've written you'll get an idea of how useful I was and how special it was.
Oh and the Dad was fine and didn't waiver one bit at the sight of the placenta being delivered which I found quite horrible.
Good Luck you love it and your friendship will be that bit more special because of it.

One of my friends asked me to do this too but as DS1 was only 3 months old, I couldn't commit to being there.

DH is one of the most squeamish people I know - he can't watch Casualty etc even though he knows it's pretend. Even he went down to the "business end" for a look although he intended to remain firmly rooted at my head. He was adamant he would not be watching any of it and I think he surprised himself. I think your friend's DH may find the excitement of events overcome his sense of squeamishness. If he goes with the knowledge that he doesn't need to see any of the 'gory' bits unless he really wants to then he should be fine.

And if he's not, then your friend will have you there.

Is she/are they going to antenatal classes? If so, perhaps you could go along too and learn from that how a birth partner can help.

I have been present and helped at a birth. It was one of the best experiences of my life and not to be missed if you have the chance.

Wonderful Jona... I am a professional birth partner (i.e. a doula... do this for a living )
My only tip would be to avoid doing what a lot of dads do (which is meant with the best of intention) BUT actually isn't hugely helpful... which is to ask their wife during the end of labour (transition/ 2nd stage) every x minutes "Are your all right?"... Physiologically for labour to happen as soomthly as can be, a woman needs to be left undisturbed at the end of her labour, to let her hormones be at their peak and unfortunately the more you speak/interrupt the more they produce adrenaline which slows down their oxytocin level (that's the one that makes you contract). What you will probably notice if you can't remember from your own experience is that she will not be the want to engage in conversation... she will want peace and quiet - unless she is frightened... and then of course you can re-assure her with a few words ... You'll see how she feels...
Hope you enjoy it as much as we all do

My best friend rushed 40 miles to be my birthing partner and she still talks about it more than me. She loved it, found it very, very moving. The best thing she did, though, was just keep wetting my lips with ice cubes. I'd love to witness a birth. Lucky you.