bonding

[tyaca]

hiya, both my MIL and SIL have said to me that it took them up to a couple of weeks to feel love, proper bonding with their newborns. hearing this really really helped me - i am due a week friday and sometimes when she kicks i have this terrifying sense of disclocation. i am scared this feeling will become pnd or such and would appreciate other hearing about other peoples' experiences of not falling in love instantly, so i know its ok

It took me a few days to bond with my DD who was born in June, mainly due to the fact that we hadn't done any AN testing and my initial response was one of worry that she was OK, especially as it took a while to get her airways cleared, but it did come and is all the stronger for it.

This was so far removed from my experience with my DS six years ago. Like you I felt that same sense of dislocation, like it wasn't my body and that I had some sort of alien thing inside me. I also had a very difficult birth with him ending in an em CS, but the love I felt for him instantly was like hitting a brick wall.

what I'm trying to say is that until your LO is born you can't tell how you are going to feel. It certainly doesn't follow that these feelings you are having now will mean that you won't bond instantly. all new mums worry about these things; it's all part of our subcoinscious preparing for the changes that are about to happen to us.

Try not to analyse things too much and concentrate on getting to know your lovely LO when she arrives as with that knowledge comes the most intense love you will ever know. It is an amazing experience however it pans out

I took a wee while with both probably due to horrid labours. I think it was only when I realised that I was it for this tiny person and it was up to me to provide/keep warm/feed etc and it was unconditional it all kicked in

some people feel it instantly some don't, I still threaten to sell mine on ebay sometimes but I wouldn't - don't tell them that though or my threat will lose its steam!!!

you've got enough going on at the moment without giving yourself extra pressure, relax and enjoy lounging about and once lo is here take your time and do everything at your own pace

good luck
xx

It took me a while with both of mine. I did feel an immediate sense of wanting to 'look after' them i.e. make sure they survive! But the maternal, overwhelming love crept up on me over a period of, well, weeks actually. Be kind to yourself after the birth, don't feel that there is a 'right' way you should be feeling and don't put yourself under any pressure to be supermum, on top of everything, loved up, whatever. Just rest with your baby, accept help from those you trust and take time out alone for half an hour for relaxing baths etc. Good luck

I felt very protective instantly. The unconditional love thing took a little longer (probably due to complete exhaustion on my part and non-stop crying on hers).

Yes I felt protective straightaway too come to think of it.
I had a traumatic labour and remember nearly having a row with dp as I was being stitched up and baby being rescuscitated - I said 'give it (yes i said IT ) to his dad' and dp was saying 'no you have to hold him' and I said 'Eff off I just want all these strangers out of my fanjo and out of the room and THEN I will have my special moment holding my baby'.
When the long awaited special moment arrived for our skin to skin he puked meconium puke all over me so I just handed him back to dad and admired from a distance.
As you can tell there was no instant bonding with me, I just eyed him curiously for a few days when not feeding, and the big love crept up on me over the next few weeks.

I think love comes out of all the work you do for your baby. The more you give the more you feel. I was excited when ds was born, excited about him, excited about the birth and the attention. I didn't think or worry about bonding. The realisation I absolutely loved him came when things had quietened down after his birth, one morning at 3 o'clock as I was settling him.

DD (my first) was born by em c/s & I only saw the top of her head as she was whisked away to be checked & weighed (where I couldn't see her) & was given to DH fully dressed & wrapped quite a few minutes later. I felt totally disengaged from the whole process & feel this is why it took me a few days to properly bond with her. I just kept looking at her in her cot thinking "that can't be MY baby" - total shock & disbelief was the way I felt, I felt protective of her, but not really "love" (as Prince Charles famously said "whatever that is"!) in those first couple of days. Things seemed to change when we got home, somehow she was properly "ours" then & I thought my heart would explode with the love I felt, but I was totally freaked out for the first few days of her life (maybe that's just a first time mum thing )

DS (2nd and last) ended up being born by el c/s as my VBAC plans went out the window when he went to 40+10 & I developed complications... One of the key reasons for wanting a VBAC was my fears about not bonding again. However the m/w in theatre was really supportive (probably because she'd had an em & then el c/s for her children) & brought DS over for me to discover he was in fact a DS & to have a quick cuddle before they cleaned him up etc. It made a HUGE difference & it was much closer to the "love at first sight" experience my friends has described.

This is just a long way of saying don't worry if you don't feel that "instant love" people talk about, it doesn't always pan out that way, but it will soon follow.