Should he be there?

[shittingmysel]

Okay so... I'm not with the father the communication between us is very well tense to say the least he says he wants involved, but he's not the most reliable person unfortunately. Should I be leaving this option open for him? How have others in similar situations dealt with this issue?

Only have people there who will support you. If he is going to make it about him, make you uncomfortable or cause drama then keep him away - he can meet the baby later. Have your mum, your sister or a friend as a birth partner instead.

It's not about him it's about you. If you don't want him there then definitely don't.

It's a medical procedure where you as a patient need to feel safe and supported. Nobody has any right to be there unless you want them there for you. The baby doesn't need it either, they just need their mum at first.

When I was in labour, I needed somebody who really loved and cared about me. It's the most vulnerable I've ever been in my life. I ended up in a warm bath at 4am with my partner and mum lifting me in and out. I was naked and had blood and all sorts coming out of me. During the pushing stage, the support and encouragement from my mum and partner got me through. I couldn't imagine having somebody in the room who I had such a fractured relationship with.

No.

My daughters ex was there even though he was an ex. She was amazing and kind to let him be there. She now wishes she hadn’t and I do too- he made me feel awkward and stilted and didn’t appreciate the fact she was so magnanimous- wanker.

Thanks I have felt horrible recently about thinking he shouldn't be there. But when asked he won't give a straight answer. To be honest my mother would remove him if he appeared to be causing tension but that's all stuff I've decided I don't really want to deal with while a human is exiting me