A bit scared....

[Gemy]

When I had my first baby I was very shocked at how much it hurt/how exhausting and how bloody horrendous it was. But I know some women who tell me their experience was "spiritual" and "enjoyable".

So really, can anyone who's had one of these enjoyable/spiritial births give me some clues? Then, if I incorporate all into my next birth (due in Dec) I hopefully have the best chance of not having an experience that makes me shudder each time I think of it!

Any advice welcome!

I felt frightened second time around (had been blase before first), but I found second easier because I had a little more confidence once it all started to kick off. Managed to remember to start sucking in the gas and air before each contraction got too strong, instead of waiting till the pain was awful. You will triumph!!!

just remember that childbirth pain is over when it is over....so when you are not contracting, it is not there, and when you have given birth, for the most part, it is just gone!

being scared doesn't help pain, but having said that, fighting being scared and giving yourself a hard time about it doesn't either.

accept you are scared.

i know it's sounds stupid, but when i'm feeling really scared about something i write down everything i'm scared of and then burn the paper i've written it on...which helps me.

also no two births are the same therefore odds are the this second one will be better than your first. they are very often much faster for a start.

Gemy, if you can afford it why not try an independant midwife. They visit you at home, more frequently and you end up friends and with a real rapour with them. I have two independant midwives, only for another 3wks though and they are great. Also I had a home birth with a pool and the whole thing was really relaxed, natural and a great experience, which I never thought I would hear myself say.

My first birth was hospital, induced, ventouse, epesiotomy etc etc and not a pleasant experience. This time it was soooo much better.

Aaah thanks guys for your kind words and encouragement.

My first birth was long, failed ventoose, episiotomy and then forcepts. And because of the way I was laid (flat on back) and the way the midwives held my legs, my pelvic ligements were sprained and I could not walk for a good 3 weeks. Even after that, it was very painful.

I must say lots of women have reported a good experience wth pools and homebirths. I really like the idea of this, but then I get all freaked out at the thought of no pain relief other than G&A.

I am going to try the burning list if things I'm scared about and also think seriously about having a pool birth or a pool + homebirth. After all, I'm thinking it can't really be worse than last time!!

Gemy,

Fear is what causes pain. Start reading Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth, Birthing from Within by Pam England, Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering by Dr Sarah Buckley (read her articles on labour) and other such books.

Check out some great websites like Birthing Naturally or GentleBirth.org

Also go to Birth Trauma Association for help in dealing with your previous experience]]

HTH

Find a Sheila Kitzinger book on Ebay, she's great.

Klaw, I think you'll find that squeezing a baby through your fanny is what cuases pain

I should have said that Fear causes unecessary pain. Your uterus contracting can be painful but having the right frame of mind can make a huge difference to your perception and ability to deal with labour pain.

This article explains a little bit.

Gemy, perhaps a Hypnobirthing CD might help you to prepare mentally for your birth. I do worry that if you go in to your labour with this level of fear it will become a self fulfilling prophecy so you are doing the right thing by trying to deal with this now. Stay strong

Message withdrawn

I would second the advice to read Sheila Kitzinger - I read 'The New Experience of Childbirth' before DS2, and put a lot of what she recommends into practice, and I can honestly say that I enjoyed his birth - it really was empowering and quite euphoric (of course, I was lucky that it all went smoothly with no need for interventions). Kitzinger can come across as a bit of a loon - she obviously hasn't set foot in a NHS labour ward since 1973 and is convinced that all hospital staff want to tie you down, shave you and give you an episiotomy for fun - so you have to pick and choose which bits to pay attention to, but read her with a pinch of salt and you might get a lot out of it.

Doesn't have to be all or nothing. I could get in a pool at the hospital during dd2's labour but could get out when I wanted and request diamorphine.

I was scared about second birth, I cried and thought I was just too tired to go through with it. It was much better. SO just keep thinking it could be much better this time - you've nothing to lose.

Thanks for all your advice I think you're right; I am expecting the labour to be a knightmare so I may actually be contributing to this.

It is amazing how much the fear can make a difference (very interesting article) and I was very scared with no1 (I was fine at first but then began to panic)

I am definatly going to get the Sheila Kitzinger book and definatly buy a hypnobirthing CD. And to deal with last time, I really didn't realise there was help out there so am going to follow that up too.

I really want this birth to be positive and I'm going to take all the steps I can to make this possible inc the books/hypnobirthing and perhaps a Doula. So far I have booked a hospital birth and I'm going to change this and request a homebirth. Then, if I need to go in so be it.

Really do appreciate all your postings, I don't know what Id do without knowing MN can help with things that the husband has no idea about and my mum who's experience was totally different "in her day"!!

~roars like lion and logs onto ebay and amazon~

You go girl! Being empowered can make all the difference! Remember as well that you may need to be flexible but if you make informed choices you can live with them so much easier.

So glad someone said that, Highlander, I was a bit there for a moment...

my first 3 births were painful, I was very frightened they were awful. The last one was absolutely fantastic and I really do think it was all about my state of mind. I accepted that I would go way overdue, that I couldn't have a homebirth, that it would be a big baby, I would be induced etc etc etc etc I felt calm, in control, wrote a very basic birth plan

NO catheter if I had an epidural (against hospital policy)

I AM going home after 6 hours

I WANT the midwives to be my birthing partnerd.

NO continuous monitoring

LOTS of pain relief afterwards for the afterpains & to take home

LOTS of help with first feed

It was an abolutely fantastic experience, I would do it again tomorrow, it was the only calm birth and it was truly wonderful. I very much focused on having a healthy baby rather than a "perfect" birth which I think made a big pyschological difference to me - I couldn't "fail" as I didn't set myself up to IYSWIM

Gemy, you have already had plenty of positive replys here.

I think, it's really important to educate yourself about Birth etc...because that way you empower yourself.

Bach's Rescue remedy is also a brilliant little tool. I don't know how it works, but it does

I would also second the advice of working through your Birth trauma....what are the midwifes like that look after you, maybe you could go through your old notes with them and get things explained and they would also be able to explain strategies to possibly avoid that situation occurring again.

I believe a lot of Independent midwifes also offer services where tehy go through your notes with you and help you getting a birthplan sorted, etc...!

A doula m, if you could afford one, cold really help you...as they are trained in Birth support...your Partner may well be as scared as you, because they worry about their partner and their child, so, they can be as easily bullied into whatever as a Mother to be, who is in such vulnurable position....a Doula will make sure that teh hospital will not just override your wishes, etc....

The BIrth with my 2. child was a wonderful experience...but then, I was not scared at all that time...as my first Birth experience was pretty o.k.....and I am sure that helped....however, I know of lots of people that had bad first experiences and still achieved a positive Birth with #2....

The no monitering bit sounds good - but that does that mean? Is it that you don't have to be strapped to the baby's heartbeat moniter? I must admit, that was really annoying for me; not being able to move around and just generally it was uncomfortable.

continuous monitoring is yes when strapped to the bed for hours on end!!! I let them attach me to it for the obligatory hour/45 mins after each lot of induction gel and then that was it I was off the bed and on the birthing ball (and gas air after the 2nd lot of gel!)

I can't rmember what else I put on my birth plan but the m/w had big smiles and said it was one of the best they had read - I said dh was there to carry the bags and see the birth. I think in previous times they had left us to it, of course dh is completely unhelpful/non-knowledgable but this time as soon as I asked for gas & air they hung around and checked very regularly and once stuff got going both midwives stuck with me 100% it was fab - next best thing to a home birth IMO

Oooh I didn't realise you could come off the monitering - that is definatly good to know.

Intermittent auscultation every 15 minutes with a Sonicaid and a vigilant mw is far superior to a machine which can't look at you and see your general demeanour.

Intermittent auscultation should check baby's heart rate BETWEEN contractions as baby is designed to withstand contractions and will normally be affected to some degree. If there is not sufficient recovery after the contraction that is when change of positions should be encouraged to see if baby needs you in a better place for him/her and further investigations can be made if recovery continues to be poor. MW will then record the HR on your chart so there will be a record. Obviously as labour progress it will be done more often and when pushing it could be done after every contraction, and it won't matter what position you're in.

Continuous Foetal Monitoring has NOT been shown to improve outcomes for baby but has been shown to increase the risk of interventions, instrumental and CS delivery for the mother.

and I should know! I have an episiotemy scar to proove the statistics! I have obtained my notes and would be very interested in an unbiased second opinion on the trace as the period of decels looks suspiciously like a poor trace, considering dd came out with apgars of 9 and 9!