Giving birth alone?

[BarleyG]

Hi,
I am due in February, I’m giving birth alone and I would just like to be prepared.
My previous labour is a bit of a blur as I had no pain relief and the contractions were constant rather than every X amount of minutes, so I don’t really have any memory of it.
If you gave birth alone, were there long periods when the midwives were off busy with other patients and were you just alone in the room? Did you feel safe?
I would like to use a doula but I really can’t afford it as I’m already a single parent to my 7 year old daughter. (Please don’t judge, I had a partner of 3 years when I fell pregnant, we were supposed to move in together, live happily ever after and now he’s changed his mind)
I don’t have any family and I’m worried about how I’ll get to hospital - if I phone an ambulance will I have to wait until the last minute to be classed as urgent enough? The hospital is 45 minutes drive away and I’m high risk so I’m not allowed to have a home birth or use a birthing centre.

I’m just looking for some reassurance I suppose, from anyone who’s been there.

Thanks

Hi, haven’t been in your position but didn’t want to read and run.

When I gave birth last year the midwife stayed with me the whole time. Even when the Doppler stopped working to read baby’s heartbeat, she hit the emergency buzzer and sent someone to get a replacement rather than leaving.

Have you spoken to your midwife about your concerns about getting to hospital? They may be able to suggest some options for you based on the local services.

Also when you write your birth plan, put in there that you will be alone and don’t want to be left at any point. At least you’ll be flagging it and I’m sure they’ll do whatever they can to support you. The midwife read my plan before examining me.

No judgement here, life happens and throws all sorts in our path. Definitely talk it out at the midwife appointment. They’re here to help you and make sure you’re healthy and happy as well as baby.

I think that midwives will stay with someone who is otherwise alone if they can, especially if you're high risk, but things do happen and sometimes someone else's birth might need the midwife more.
If there are student midwives around I've heard often one of those would stay with single women, although they can't do anything more than a partner would.
You'd call a taxi rather than an ambulance, it might be expensive but at least you're not waiting to be an emergency. Or public transport at first twinge if you're expecting a long labour. Alternatively do you have friends who could come or would drive you? I'm pretty sure most would if available.

In your scenario it may be worth discussing induction as an option to combat your childcare/distance from the hospital concerns. It’s not an unreasonable request.

Might be a long shot but could you contact some doulas, explain your situation and see if there are any similar free services out there that they are aware of? Charity/voluntary workers with midwifery experience or the likes? Or if they'd be willing to do a repayment plan (apologies if that sounds daft!) there's a huge amount of support and services available for teen/single Mums for example, makes me think that there must be some kind of free services out there for people in your situation? I'd reach out to midwives, GP, NCT - anyone!

For the birth itself would you download a hypno birthing apps? A friend highly recommended it, says she just completely went into a zone and it was better than any drug - if you think you'd be into that kind of thing it might be a good form of distraction/focus to take your mind of being alone?

Great that your planning ahead and trying to get a plan in place now! I hope you get the help that you need!

The very best of luck

Have a look at the Doula Access Fund - you may still be able to get doula support: doula.org.uk/about-doulas/

Yep was also about to suggest contacting Doula UK - when we were researching doulas I'm sure we saw something about support for women on low incomes.

Also as PP have suggested, flag it early. I would have thought that they'd try and use student midwives in this situation as extra support if there's no birth partner. Good luck OP.

I didn't do it alone but just wanted to let you know that I never was left alone in the room a midwife was always in there. Good luck OP! X