How can labour be different second time round?

[pancakes22]

I cannot get my head around how labour will be different second time round. Whenever I am attempting relaxation or yoga or hypnobirthing and am meant to be focused on clearing my mind or focused on breathing I cannot stop the little voice in my head saying well you only got to 2cm last time, your body obviously doesn't know how to dilate, why will it be any different second time round? Your body still won't know what to do and you will end up failing to progress and have to have another EMCS....

I really want to have a positive experience this time round and I would ideally want a VBAC (although I am terrified that by saying I want a VBAC I'm going to cause more damage to my body than if I had a section but that's another worry!). How can I stop this little internal voice and does anyone have any experience of not dilating first time round but then it actually happening the second time round?

Thank you in advance

As someone who had awful traumatic #1 and glorious empowering #2, I can say that you have to get into a positive mindset and silence that voice. Stop comparing everything to your first experience and try to treat this as a totally different thing. I went to a midwife led unit instead of delivery suite and just being in a different place helped switch off the “remember last time when...” Do mindfulness. Try to connect with your new baby - different person inside you, different experience. Also it helped me to know that my problems from #1 were no more likely to happen again - docs reassured me of this.

My births were very different. No 1 was long and painful and I didn't cope very well really. I did hypnobirthing for no 2 and it was a much better experience and much quicker - less than 3 hours start to finish. It was still painful but much easier to handle as I wasn't so tired. I know plenty of people who had much better births the second time, there is an excellent chance you will too!

Have you read Ina May Gaskin's book? Lots on why our bodies might be inhibited during labour and clamp down on the whole thing - basically if we don't have enough privacy, trust and support so we become fearful.

I think you need to develop a positive attitude, which definitely also involves eradicating the idea that a CS means you've failed. Whatever happens, you've done an amazing thing in making a baby. Have your best shot at VBAC but don't beat yourself up if it doesn't work out.

I'm currently planning a VBAC so have had similar thoughts myself. I think part of the problem is that you have to weigh up risks as if you're choosing to either have the terrible worst case scenario of CS or worst case scenario of a difficult vag birth. Relax a bit and accept that the most likely outcome is that you'll be fine whatever you choose! The risks are small either way.

I had a horrible first labour - induced due to waters breaking at 37 weeks but no contraction. Was hooked up to the drip so things got very intense very quickly. Pushing for just under 2 hours & he wasn’t coming out so had a failed ventouse then forceps, hand shoved up there to see whether he was facing up or down, 3rd degree tear require major stitching in theatre - all round unpleasant experience (but my little boy is perfect so it was worth all of it).

My second baby is now 4 weeks old and I was really worried about labour & how it would go but tried to put it out of my mind & remind myself that this pregnancy was different & there was no reason for it to go the same way as before. This time round my daughter was born at 39+4 and had a water birth in a midwife led unit which compared to first time was completely amazing, still painful of course but I felt so much more in control which I didn’t first time. Labour was longer but stayed at home until I was 5cm, then spent 7 hours in the pool & out she came. I tore again in a different place but it was able to be stitched by the midwife rather than in theatre.

I’d honestly do it all again based on my second (& definitely final!) experience. We just did the nhs antenatal classes first time but this time I did a 3 hour birthing class (through daisy birthing) which focussed on breathing, helping things to progress & best positions & environments for labour, how to help cervix dilate etc... Like @houstonbees said a positive attitude definitely helps & this course was fab, gave me all the tools to be in control which I didn’t feel I was first time round. My body literally took over & did it for me

Think positive, you can do it but also don’t worry if things don’t go to plan, as long as the baby arrives safely that’s most important. Good luck for when the time comes!