Book recommendations to help me get over my fear

[Doublechocolatetiffin]

Can anyone recommend me a good book that will help me get into a more positive mind frame about giving birth. I had a pretty awful care in my first labour and had been relying on staying away from the hospital for as long as possible when I have this next baby. Sadly I’ve just been told that I’ll need to go straight to the labour ward again - which is exactly what I was hoping to avoid because the care was so awful last time.

Seeing as there is literally no way out of this now - I’m 32 weeks, the baby will have to come out at some point. How do I get over the fear I have of child birth? I was reading the Maggie Howell hypnobirthing book, but it’s not that useful if you need to be on a ward with monitoring and a cannula as it has a real focus on avoiding intervention and monitoring which in my case is probably not possible.

Is there anything out there that helps you to make the most of a birth on a labour ward? I feel like I may as well give up before I’ve even started as there is no way I can possibly relax there so it’s just going to be another awful drawn out experience. Help!

Have you looked into hypnobirthing?
I was terrified when I was expecting my my 4th dc. I bought CD (it was 2005! ) & listened to it every day.

Juju sandin’s ‘birth skills’ gets good feedback.

The thing is that your fears are not irrational and to be dismissed - they need to be addressed and managed and you need reassurance that the care will be better.

Is there any way you can have a debrief on the last birth? Go over what was worst, explain your feelings on it, receive advice on how his could be managed differently next time etc?

Try The Gentle Birth Method by Gowri Motha
I bought it when pg for the first time and freaking out
One thing she said that really struck me was that the baby WAS going to come out one way or another so the point was how to make it as easy as possible for all concerned .

Hi , sorry you are feeling so anxious. Totally understandable. If I can reassure you that second births tend to be so much easier. I can recommend Gowri Motha.... in particular do try her hypnobirthing visualisations which you download from her website. There is an amazing one in which she talks through..... in her incredibly sweet and gentle and calming voice all the things your body is doing without you having to think about it. Can’t but help to just listen to these on a loop for the next few weeks!! Also have a look at the “The Fourth Trimester “ book. So inspiring and really about nesting and being kind to yourself. Helps you know and ask people for what you need.

You are not alone in your fears .... they are a normal reaction to birth. The second time there is fear because of what might of happened the first time. But you got through that first tough experience and your next experience is likely to be totally different. Make a list of things you would have liked with you in the hospital that would have comforted you..... low light, familiar pillow, oils etc. You will probably end up being over prepared and not needing any of it as it will be so quick and easy!!! Sending love. Xxx

Why not contact your maternity unit and make an appointment to discuss your complaints about last time and your requirements for this time? If they don’t know what your fears are, they can’t help!
It should be possible to come up with a birth plan between you and the staff that will make you feel more comfortable and in control.

I second @Babdoc. I'm 28 weeks pregnant with my second, first was horrendous (long labour with badly positioned baby, no proper pain relief until I reached 10 cms, failed forceps, hallucinated through a emcs, massive mental health breakdown, NICU stay for ds) and they are trying really hard to make this more positive.

For example willing to make exceptions to policy in order to accommodate my anxieties and I think the consultant I'm seeing is more invested in this being a better experience for me than I am.

Are there any positive birth groups near you? I was very unconvinced when one of my friends popped me into our local facebook group but they have been really useful in providing positive c-section stories etc relating to our local hospital which I was struggling to find else where.

Thank you everyone, I really appreciate your kind words. I’ve downloaded samples of the books you’ve recommended and will have a read. I’m also waiting to hear back from the supervisor of midwives to see if we can have an appointment to discuss what happened last time and make a good plan for this time. Will also have a look at the positive birth groups and see if there are any locally.

Juju Sundin"s book is great - there's a whole chapter with positive stories about medicalised births which I think is really good reading.