Recovering from birth

[Kittykat93]

I gave birth to my wonderful little boy three days ago. I was induced on the Wednesday and ended up having him on the Saturday after 12 hours active labour, 2 and a half hours pushing, episiotomy and ventouse.

Since the delivery I feel physically traumatised, and it's really getting me down. My stitches and grazes are sore which I totally expect and can deal with. What I didn't expect (and here is the tmi bit!!) is this awful feeling in my back passage like a really heavy pressure. It feels like I constantly need to go to the toilet. I've spoken to the midwife who has said things take time to heal.

I do understand this but I'm so worried I've done permanent damage down there. I can't go to the toilet despite taking stool softeners, laxatives and altering my diet. When I sit on the toilet I just feel like everything is going to fall out :(

I don't know why I'm posting, I guess I would like to hear some reassuring words that I won't always feel like this. I am so in love with my baby but feel so awful physically it's stopping me from being able to enjoy these early days.

Thank you x

I didn't have stitches, but I did have that horrible feeling after. Apparently dc being back to back for a while during labour meant my coccyx got pushed out of alignment and didn't go back. It did go back on its own but too a few weeks, during that time I couldn't walk properly or anything.

I felt just like you after having my first. I remember asking the midwife how long it would take to get back to normal. She told me they couldn't answer that as it was different for everyone but to take notice of small improvements day after day.

It was ridiculous at first, I was temporarily incontinent after a tear and terrified that I'd be left permanently like that. I remember the first time I made it halfway to the toilet before shitting myself (as opposed to it just happening there and then) and feeling like it was a huge victory because even a few days earlier I couldn't have imagined that happening.

So I'll second her advice because it was invaluable to me - every day just look for something no matter how small that has improved and focus on that.

I had a ventouse delivery 7 years ago, and my back passage felt very similar after, like something was falling out and I needed a poo when I didn't. The consultant check and it was fine, as did my go a few weeks after, but the sensation lingered for some time. I found that continuing my pelvic floor exercises helped enormously and it completely went away after a few months. When my son was born 2 years ago, I had the same feeling, and cracked on with the pelvic floor exercises, it didn't last long. I'm getting it a bit now at the end of this pregnancy, probably caused by pressure and constipation. See your gp for reassurance in a few weeks and try the pelvic floor exercises in the meantime . take care

Can you hold a pad over the vaginal area while you have a poo?

Kittykat93
I'm sorry they had to use the ventouse. To some extent what you describe is normal. You need to start pelvic floor exercises (10 reps 3 times every day). This help with healing (sending blood to the area + reconnecting nerves). You really need to do them every day. Your pelvic floor will feel stronger after 3 months then after another 3 (it's not fun because it takes a long time but it is the best way to get things better).

It's very normal to have constipation the days following birth. Please take the laxatives (of course plenty of water + fruit and veg but don't feel you should not need them, all new mothers should take them for maybe a couple of weeks, sometimes longer if necessary).

Although you had a "natural" delivery, your delivery was not spontaneous. Instruments (or the reason why instruments are used) mean more strain on the pelvic floor. Take it easy. Your body needs to heal and your muscles need time to strengthen. I recommend downloading Preparing to give birth for the first time. It gives you an idea of how long before things settle a little.

Congratulations on your little one! I imagine he's gazing into your eyes expectantly. So cute.
All the best ☺️

Oh congratulations first! But for tricky birth. I had ventouse for my DS1 and I remember feeling so delicate down there too. For me it wasn't so much the back passage but it did leave me almost uriniary incontinent for a few days and then with very little 'holding' capacity for a few weeks. I was also incontinent with farts and kept doing these really long uncontrollable farts!

I remember the first time I made it halfway to the toilet before shitting myself (as opposed to it just happening there and then) yy outcomethewolves I remember this with weeing too.

For now, try and focus on the little things - rest, gentle pelvic floor exercises, snuggling your lovely new DS etc. I think it's helpful to think of 'enjoying the early days' in terms of enjoying doing a lot of cuddling and resting and not much else. Get your DP to do all housework/cooking/bringing you drinks etc. Also I found a couple of baths with epsom salts each day helped - not long affairs, just enough to sit in for a few minutes. It made me feel cleaner what with all the piss and locicha, and also felt soothing.

You will heal, and feel better, and it varies person to person. I found that after 2 weeks I felt significantly better and then 6 weeks back to my new normal. A friend had a similar delivery and it took her a bit longer. Another friend felt a lot better after a week.

Plus - I've just realised you're heading for the day 4/5 emotional wobble anyway, you will probably feel worse for the next day or two, don't worry, it's normal.

Congratulations OP!
I was also induced and had a long pushing stage. I know exactly what you mean about the 'everything falling out' sensation! Rest assured, it does improve but it is distressing when you have it. As others have said, do your pelvic floor exercises and don't strain when on the loo. It may be worth asking for different stool softeners/ laxatives from your gp to help get things moving. I also found a warm bath with lavender oil did wonders for my stitches.
Best of luck and take it easy. I hope you feel better soon.

I had the same delivery as you and it feels like it will not get better, it does, but time is needed.

One thing I swore by is lavender, tea tree and salt baths. Use a thimble of milk as a carrier for the oils. I’m sure this helped me heal. I would also use a disposable cup and pour this oil mix after using the loo. This helped me most with that feeling.

As said previously, Pelvic floor exercises are essential, I paid for the nhs app. 6 months on, I feel normal.

I hated going to the loo for about 2 months and had similar feelings to you, keep taking the pain killers and be kind to yourself. Be selfish too, you need healing time and expect the emotions to take over. You are coming to terms with a major trauma, one you had no control over. You won’t forget, but it will get better. 😄

Congrats on the baby. I completely get where you are at the moment. It will pass.

Congrats on your baby.

I had that enormously heavy feeling for weeks and weeks and very very slowly
It lessened but I remember clearly feeling quite frightened by it.

Always all for another check up by a professional if you feel worried. I do believe it's normal.

By the way you Will having significant hormone drops on day 2-5 and you will feel quite blue even tough you are happy and tough or traumatic birth will exacerbate it.

Lavender oil (best quality) is really recommended and just keep an eye out for an infection as that is not normal.

Your body has just done something incredible but brutal so it
Needs a few weeks to recover . Also don't look!!! Within 6 weeks you will be amazed how it has recovered.

Thank you so much for all the replies. It's good to know other people have come out the other side of similar births and got back to normal ! I will continue with the pelvic floor exercises and will be patient with the healing process. Will also take all other advice on board and give it all a go x

Oh you poor thing you've had a time of it. Birth can be traumatic as fuck. I felt well and truly battered. And undignified. It gets better, I promise. Take care of yourself, rest as much as you can and nice salt baths. If you think things are not healing right then seek medical advice. Don't be fobbed off if you have that feeling.

People definitely do come out the other side.

I had a similar experience and felt fairly traumatised too. One thing that really helped me to heal emotionally was when the consultant came to see me on day 3 and I asked her how 'common' a birth like mine was - she smiled and told me.that whilst it was not ideal and was 'complicated' it was not rare or unusual and she dealt with similar cases on a very regular basis. I honestly thought I'd been really unlucky and that everyone else had it much easier. I now know that nothing is further than the truth. Plenty of people experience similar births and you are not alone :)

You WILL start to feel better, day by day. You will have crap days, some of these will be crap because of your hormones. Another thing to remember/realise is that a lot of your post birth 'issues' are totally routine and you would experience them even if you had the most straightforward natural birth. I remember crying when I first looked at myself down there in the mirror. Turns out my traumatic delivery had very little to do with that, and just a normal birth would have had the same impact!

It is hard, you are recovering, it will get easier.

I wasn’t induced but I did end up with a third degree tear following a shoulder dystocia which had to be repaired in theatre under a spinal.

I also felt like my insides were incredibly heavy in the first few weeks and I had more than one accident trying to get to the loo when the softeners decided now was the time to work. I was advised to settle down on the loo with entertainment when I thought it was time and just let it go, no straining or stressing about it. The midwife also suggested arnica cream as you’ll be more bruised than you think down there.

Just take it easy moving around. Don’t throw yourself down onto the sofa. Sit on a pillow in the car. Don’t rush round the shops. It will get better!