Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Who do you normally have in the room when you give birth?

31 replies

nousername123 · 19/10/2017 07:41

Hey, the subject was recently brought up about who will be in the room with me when I give birth. I just assumed it would be me and my partner. My mum is the best mum ever and very supportive, she hasn’t actually said she wants to come in the room but I can tell she does, my partner thinks it should just be him. I don’t particularly want an audience but I’m not sure what to do? I don’t want to upset either of them as theyre both amazing to me. What are others experiences?x

OP posts:

2014newme · 19/10/2017 07:42

What you want not what other people want!

helpmum2003 · 19/10/2017 07:50

Mums can be very supportive but personally I think it runs the risk of partner being excluded. Your Mum already has experience of labour and he doesn't. I think Dads need to be able to play their role of parent as early as possible to build confidence.

GoodyGoodyGumdrops · 19/10/2017 08:02

You have the birth partner that you want. It's not about their experience, it's about your support.

They don't need to be there to affirm that you love or value them, they don't need to be there to bond with the baby.

FWIW, if, for whatever reason my dh couldn't have been with me, I would not have wanted my mum with me. I love her to bits, as she does me, and she's an intelligent, strong woman. But she's also very emotional, and I think she would have got bogged down in the memories of her own birth experiences. I would have wanted my dad, because I knew that he would put his emotions to one side, focus on me, and that he would advocate for me.

If you have two birth partners, be sure that they can and will work as a team, putting you and the baby first.

You choose who you want, who would be best for you.

Mummyloves09 · 19/10/2017 08:13

I personally have a really good relationship with my mum and my mother was there supporting me. Even though dp was there at the time he was needed to do other things which evolve the parenting side. However my mum was there for me and my post birth circumstances.
But Op how do you feel about it? Because you body is going through this process.

BernardBlacksHangover · 19/10/2017 11:34

My mum died just before I fell pregnant with dc1, so it was me, DH and an independent midwife, (who joined us later and stayed with me overnight bless her). It was quite nice having the extra person there as I was induced and in a not terribly comfortable (for anyone other than patients) hospital ward for ages before dc was born and it meant DH could go home and sleep for a bit.

Tbh I don't think I would have ever had my mum with me anyway. But I would definitely consider having my sister. Depends on your relationship I guess and definitely about what YOU want. Try not to give a shiny one who you offend - you're the one giving birth, not them.

Original poster

nousername123 · 19/10/2017 17:22

My partner has 4 children from a previous marriage and has been present for every birth, even delivered one of them! So I know he knows what he’s doing and won’t panic etc. He’s brilliant and so is my mum, she’s my best friend as well. I never really thought that she would want to be there but she seems like she wants to. I don’t mind if both of them are there to be honest. I might talk to my partner and see if he would be pissy. I don’t want to exclude him by any means but obviously he’s done it loads of times before 😂 sounds good doesn’t it? I just think it will cheer my mum up knowing that she’s still important to me. I moved out and got pregnant in the same year and I think she thinks she’s losing me which isn’t the case. Thanks for all your advice x

OP posts:

KarateKitten · 19/10/2017 17:25

I think that if your relationship with you partner is normal (i.e. no abuse and both wanting the baby etc) than it would be a slap in the face to give his role to your mum. Your mum should only be there if the baby's dad can't or shouldn't be in my opinion. Otherwise it's his special role and day too.

2014newme · 19/10/2017 17:25

Oh gosh 4 kids already!

NameChange30 · 19/10/2017 17:31

"I think that if your relationship with you partner is normal (i.e. no abuse and both wanting the baby etc) than it would be a slap in the face to give his role to your mum. Your mum should only be there if the baby's dad can't or shouldn't be in my opinion. Otherwise it's his special role and day too."

I disagree with this. It's not either/or. I don't see why a woman can't have her partner and her mum if she wants. And it's not about the father - yes it's a special moment for him to see his child being born, but that's secondary to the fact that it's the mother giving birth and she can have whoever she wants there to support her. If she wants her mum it's not a "slap in the face" to her partner.

DH was my birth partner and I didn't think I wanted my mum there. But it was a difficult birth and I have never been so happy/relieved to see her as when she arrived (afterwards). So in hindsight I think I might have liked to have her there after all.

Needsomezzzz · 19/10/2017 17:36

Just my husband, he was there at conception and just as much his child as mine.
My mum didn't expect to be there, she respected that it's a special time for us as a family unit.

Waspyhell · 19/10/2017 17:38

Crikey, I would have hated my mum to be there! Our children are our children. I wouldn't have wanted anyone but my DH there.

TheVanguardSix · 19/10/2017 17:44

DH and mum, every time. I really, really love and trust both.
DH is a GP and has delivered 26 babies. He's all thumbs with our own though!
And I love seeing photos of my mum holding my babies over the years. I always send her a photo of her at each of my deliveries for Mother's Day.

Original poster

nousername123 · 19/10/2017 17:54

I’ve just spoken to my partner and he said he would prefer for it to be just me and him coz it’s a special time for us. I know what he’s saying. Ill try to think of another way to cheer my mum up x

OP posts:

nightshade · 19/10/2017 17:54

The midwife...

NameChange30 · 19/10/2017 18:48

I get the impression you're trying to please other people - letting your partner decide and wanting to cheer up your mum - but childbirth is not about pleasing other people! If you want your mum there to support you, have her there - it will still be special for you and your partner. But if you just want to cheer your mum up, there are probably other more fun ways of doing it

ChipShopGherkin · 19/10/2017 18:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MiniAlphaBravo · 19/10/2017 18:54

But what do you want op? Go with that, don't try to involve people. Birth is so intense you need to feel fully comfortable with who is supporting you.

Rosieposie94 · 19/10/2017 19:19

I had my mum there both times, she just left the room when it was time to push so then it was just us meeting the baby for the first time (and the midwife obviously 😄) then my mum came back in to see the baby. This worked perfectly for us, you need to do what is right for both of you, not just your partner.x

holdthewine · 19/10/2017 20:04

Definitely what YOU want. Keep an open mind too. My DD sent her DH home for a rest and a shower and called me in for a few hours which was a good call for all of us. As a mother I found it emotional and felt very privileged (had no expectations) but they feelnit was right for them.

ApocalypseNowt · 19/10/2017 20:11

I had my DH and my best friend because that's what I wanted.

To be fair DH had form for going white and wibbly whenever a midwife took my blood pressure at regular appointments so I wanted someone there who definitely wouldn't turn into a fainting nelly.

As it turned out DH was fine but it was a lovely jolly atmosphere having both my favourite people there!

TRose · 27/10/2017 15:07

My mum was in the room for both of my children's births. One planned c sec for my first (short cord, couldn't turn her without complications) and VBAC for my son. Their dad was in the room for my son because I chose my mum for my section because I have a massive phobic of needles, and their dad wasn't the most comforting (not horrible just didn't know how to calm me down) He was in the room for the birth of our son and he was really helpful. But I honestly don't think I would of coped as well as I did if my mum wasn't there.

But I agree you should have who you want there. Not what other people want. It's your cha cha on show and let's face it we aren't selling tickets😂

Amiable · 27/10/2017 16:28

1st time round I had DH and my mum, 2nd time I had DH and my dad... who filmed the whole thing for me!

TerrifyingFeistyCupcake · 28/10/2017 11:01

The sole reason for anyone at all to be in the room during a birth (including medical personnel) should be that they help the mother. No-one, no-one at all, has a right to be there other than the woman, and anyone who will be making you feel that you need to cater to their feelings rather than vice versa when you're labouring should be actively banished. You don't need that.

You need to be able to feel supported and concentrate on yourself 100%, and you certainly don't need birth partners who could clash with each other, so I'd make your decision with that in mind.

Millie2013 · 30/10/2017 20:27

It didn't occur to me to have my mum there, I just wanted OH. But I can understand why some do and my mum was there through a couple of pregnancy scares and she took me to the hospital on my due date (midwife sent me due to reduced movements) and stayed until OH arrived (he was working away)
As it happened, I had half the hospital in theatre with me Not by choice, but they were all wonderful :)

SheepyFun · 30/10/2017 20:48

In the hospital where I gave birth, you could have two birth partners if you were having a vaginal delivery, but only one person could accompany you to theatre (if you had a c-section). Worth checking your hospital's policies so you know how many you could have when!

Flip

1 2