How to let down a birthing partner?

[Sophiemua]

So I have two close friends I prefer L she has helped me throughout my pregnancy brought baby things rings me daily to check up on me been a great support. So I defiantly want her there! and we always have a good time together.

My other not so supportive friend T would be travelling down from up north with L she hasn't been supportive hasn't brought baby anything we defiantly wouldn't of kept in contact if it wasn't for L keeping us in touch.

T told L that I better not have the baby on Saturday because she is going clubbing that night. (How inconvenient)

Cheeky git even asked if I could book my induction for a Friday so she could come as she has pulled too many sickies at work when she knew she was going to be my birthing partner since June.

Also L organised balloons cake and a card to bring to the birth asked T for half of the money before arranging it she never gave it her but is saying to me that she can't wait for me to see what she's brought when L has actually paid for it.

Shes just a little bit cheeky if you ask me and only wants to be there so she can't take photos and call him her "godson" God I hate when she says that!!

We have a group chat but I have been on the phone to L and I have discussed that I don't want T there anymore. What do I say? As I would rather just cut to the chase and cut the crap to be honest.

I assume you are teenage, can you talk to your midwife about effective birth partner support.

No I'm not a teenager but thanks for that

Choosing a birth partner really isn't about who has bought you the best present...

If it's someone you wouldn't be friends with if it wasn't for another person, why has she been invited to the be present at the birth of your baby?
Just say 'thank you but I don't need you to be there at the birth. Looking forward to you meeting the baby afterwards'.
It isn't a competition where people earn the right to be there with gifts and balloons.

I don't think there's a nice way to do this. Just meet her or call her and say you've reconsidered and would now like to have L as your sole birth partner and thank her for her support.

It'll probably be fairly chaotic to the friendship but it doesn't sound like there's much to save anyway.

She doesn't sound like a very good friend to me. You need real support around you at this point and she is clearly lacking that. I would tell her straight.....I wouldn't worry about it. You need to be a bit selfish at times. Giving birth is a very special experience and I personally wouldn't let anyone spoil that.

I knew it would come across like that and didn't mean for it too.
But surely if your friend was pregnant you would at least buy the baby one thing?
I don't care about the balloons and things like that I just think it's really cheeky

"I'm sorry but as the date gets closer I feel I really don't want more than one person at the birth, I appreciate your offer of support but L is going to come in with me and you can meet little one afterwards, means you can definitely go clubbing even if I labour on Saturday and don't have to worry about when my induction is booked for".

In reality I HATED having more than one person in the room for first borns labour, and was planning to have only the midwife and me for second section scuppered the plan Giving birth is an incredibly personal thing and you don't want the memory marred by having someone you don't want there. Just tell her straight she isn't coming in!

Just say you're only allowed one birthing partner and you've chosen L.

I'm not sure cake and balloons are such a good idea in the labour suite tbh.

balloons and cake?!

OK well each to their own! I would say only have who you really want with you, who will be supportive and definitely not be annoying!!

I don't buy presents until the baby is born, but the present thing is by the by really.
The birth of your baby is usually a pretty messy, emotional time. I wouldn't have anyone there who I didn't 100% want to be there. You'll just have to tell her straight.

Lol I can't imagine them being good in a labour room either hoping she keeps them in her car!

I feel awful now but to be honest she probably isn't actually that bothered because you wouldn't be worrying about your night out if your friend was having a baby.

OMG - I can just imagine the midwife's face popping through a sea of helium balloons

For labour, you need to pick who will be most supportive no who you'll have the most fun with

Just say you're only allowed one person and no balloons

Why did you ask her to be a birthing partner in the first place? Friends and birthing partners is a little odd. Is the dad not on the scene? Or wouldn't your mum or an older relative be a better choice?

It's not a pay per view. I never buy anyone anything before birth, as I have seen it go wrong too many times and there's nothing more heartbreaking than having to pack away or return baby stuff. Presents after, always.

If they're both up north are you sure they're going to manage to get there in time anyway?

You do know labour isn't like an episode of friends don't you?

I think most places only allow one birthing partner anyway.

I would just say you are only allowed one birthing partner and leave it at that. My hospital allowed two, but my friend purposely didn't tell her Mum that so that she could just have me, unfortunately the midwife opened her mouth when her mum popped into visit in the early stages and she ended up staying..

You really need to focus on who is going to be strong for you, who will speak on your behalf, who will not take offence if you tell them to not talk to you or leave you alone mid contraction, and who will stomach the whole experience. I had two birthing partners and it was fine, but you need to be entirely comfortable around them, particularly if you get an urge to be completely naked and not give a crap who's there..