Advice to DP

[Lou2711]

I'm due a week on Friday and would like to be able to give DP some advice on how to be useful to me during labour (or how not to annoy me)!! He's been asking but since I have no experience either, I'm not sure what to say (or how I'll be). Any tips/warnings?

Work out the parking situation at the hospital in advance. Make sure camera is fully charged. He should know everyone you would like contacted after the birth & have their numbers. He should also know where to find everything in your hospital bag. Good luck!

He needs to practice a really good back massage. He may need to do it for hours... And hours... And hours.

Keep a bag at home with "spares" in case you are kept in. When he comes home to shower he can bring you more clean undies, nightwear, san pro etc.

If you are going to use a tens machine, practice first!

He needs to be your voice. If you are too involved in labour to say what you want (a pool, drugs, no drugs etc) he needs to be that person and be vocal enough that you get what you want. So have that chat when you wrote your birth plan. And then of course, be flexible when the time comes!

Tell him to pack some water and non noisy non smelly snacks for himself as he may get hungry but he CANNOT and MUST NOT complain about anything at all unless he literally starts having a heart attack in the labour ward. This isn't his show.

My labour was quick... dh was happy as he didn't get 'bored...'
However I found it useful to tell him before hand what I had planned eg pain relief and positions I wanted to try... what I would like him to do etc. So he was prepared when I said "flannel!!" And he run my flannel under cold water and presser it to my forehead and "back!!" And he started to rub my back... also when you want him to stop doing something (because trust me it's such an effort to talk) tell him you'll just say "stop please" and "start please" and he can stop/continue and basically to be a bit of a mind reader...

It'll be fine though I thought dh would be rubbish but he was brill
Congratulations and all the best

Thanks everyone, will make sure dp reads this!
Any more advice is welcome!!

Tell your Dh not to go out for pizza cause it's all got a bit boring (36hrs of labour might not be that interesting but it's still not a reason to go to pizza express because your hungry)

Tell him not to talk during contractions, especially if he actually seems to want an answer to a question whilst you are puffing on gas and air.
Tell him not to touch you unless specifically asked to during contractions.
Tell him that it is ok to get a bit rude when someone makes an arse of putting in a venison and it is perfectly acceptable to tell them they will have to wait until after your next contraction to try again.

You've got a little time left, I would prep them to basically expect the unexpected. Does he know your preferences for different pain reliefs/medical options/positions/pushing?
I found my DH most useful in helping me time contractions so I knew when they would be ending, made coping with it far more manageable. First birth he did the TENS, second time I did it. Having someone's hand to hold/mash up also helps a lot, and for me someone to give me positive feedback during pushing.
Don't forget to give advice for afterwards- prime him to be ready for skin-to-skin if you aren't able to do it (and in fact, it's super for newborn-dad bonding anyway), and to be ready to give you BF support, which basically means he does all the nappy changing unless you want to, while you concentrate on being comfy and getting latching/nursing right. The first ten days are really important to nurse as much as the baby wants so your milk comes in and then supply gets the signals to boost. That will mean a lot of lying/sitting in bed/on the sofa at home while he cooks/makes you tea etc. And if you find BF hard, he should be on hand to get support ASAP for you too, whether in person or via helplines.

Write it all out for him we went over and over things before ds was born only for him to be so overwhelmed and tired during labour for him to remember much, I cant blame him it was a pretty overwhelming day he said it was hard to make decisions because it was so much pressure. This time hes asked me to write down all about the pain relief options, what I want to happen, what if things go wrong so he has something he can look at and know its what I want. I might even laminate it

I'm not writing it like a birth plan more like bullet points eg

•epidural waste of time didn't work and slowed me down
•mind they let me dehydrate last time not listening when I needed water
•do not let them cut me unless its life and death id rather tear.
•dont forget to eat once I'm done here I'm having a nap and your in charge