Worried

[Tink2015]

This is the first time I will be giving birth Im currently 21 weeks and 3 days pregnant with a little boy, but I can't help but think about childbirth and I'm so petrified not knowing about what's gunna happen has anyone got any advice for me would be appreciated thank you in advance :)

I remember saying to my friend it felt like someone had told me I was going to be in a car crash but they couldn't tell me if I'd be fine or something serious, or when it would be.

This may not be what you want to hear but there's nothing you can do about it. You could just as easily find it easy as pie as you could have a tough time. But what you can focus on is just growing that baby well and trying to draw yourself into the here and now. However that journey happens, you're going to meet that little wriggler inside of you.

I had a long tough one. You just get through it because there is no other option. The only things you can choose right now is how to prepare for it with hospital bag etc (although a long way off) and by focusing on your little one growing and you being happy and relaxed.

Plan for plenty of pain relief! I don't have a particularly low pain threshold, but I hated the idea of tearing or having a episiotomy and I figured if it wasn't hurting, it would be easier to pretend it wasn't happening. In the event, I was right .

I'm so petrified just the thought of it people talk about it and it just scares me so much. I plan on having the pain relief but I don't really know what's for the best and what to accept or what to do.

Iv being told a water birth can give some sort of comfort because of the warm water is that true ?

You will be fine

When it comes (and if you make it to 40/41 weeks then you will be so fed up of being pregnant you'll be willing it on!) you will just get on with and somehow cope. Yes it's painful but it's a different type of pain to an accident or injury because you know it won't last forever and you'll have baby at the end of it!

There have been some horrible threads on MN recently about childbirth but IRL I don't know anyone who has had a really serious complication so spending time on MN can make you think that horrific births are the norm when thankfully they only affect a small minority

Re planning pain relief, all you can do is look into the options and get an idea of what you're open to.

NCT made me feel like I epidural was a bad idea. On the day, I had been having contractions for 2 days with a back to back baby and they couldn't give it to me quick enough. It worked for me and it was the first time I had felt normal in days. I was cracking jokes, had a nap, it was amazing

Stay away from Google/Mumsnet childbirth threads. It's very rare for people who had straightforward, relatively painless births to feel the need to go on the internet and tell everyone about it. The scary, complicated births are not the norm.

Don't be scared off an epidural, not saying you have to have one but mine was great. Calmed me down, no pain but I could feel enough. I didn't have to push in the end but confident I had enough feeling that I could have pushed if necessary.

Also sometimes the language itself can be scary; I had an Emergency C-Section in the end and I wouldn't even call it an 'emergency', it was really just 'non-planned'. It was fine, not scary and recovery was fine.

Thank you to all who's helped. I suppose it's one of them things that nobody can quite explain what it's like . I'm so excited to meet my little boy just wish there was a less painful way. But like you say as a women you just got to get on with it there's no other option. I need to stop reading the horror story's and focus on my story :).

Hi Tink,

Have a look into hypnobirthing...

Sounds totally hippy ish but it actually isn't what it sounds, and has really prepared me in having a calm and positive attitude to giving birth. ( before I was a nervous wreck and couldn't stop worrying about it!! )

I'm 33 weeks and paid for a course of hypnobirthing instead of NCT.

The nice thing about it is that pain relief isn't frowned upon, but most women don't actually need it.

If you don't want to pay for a course, I read The Hypnobirthing Book for Katharine Graves and it was really clear and helpful.

Xxxxx

I was so scared of giving birth and was 100% committed to getting epidural as soon as. As it happens I was induced and only in active labour for 3 hours 38 minutes and it was just too quick to have anything more than gas and air. I won't lie, it was the worst pain of my life, I literally screamed the ward down. HOWEVER despite this I wouldn't think twice about doing it again because the feeling once he was out and I actually had him in my arms was worth it.

You can do it. It will be hard (it's not called labour for nothing) but you get a gorgeous lovely baby after it

I was so scared with DD1 that I couldn't even think about it without welling up. I spoke to a doula who recommended a hypnobirthing course and it was the best thing I ever did. It offers a mixture of information so you know what your body is going to do and techniques to make it as easy as possible for yourself. I ended up using it with gas and air during childbirth and it all went smoothly. Not easy, but nothing worth having is ever easy, right ?! You'll be fine, just get some facts and don't let your imagination run away with you. X

YouTube positive childbirth videos that's what I did.

Call it denial but I refused to read one horror story I watched so many positive videos I was half convinced I was going go give birth in ten minutes on no pain relief to a unicorn

The reality was somewhat different but at least I didn't have months of stress as the videos helped put my mind at ease

Spend lots of time reading about the different pain relief options and at least you know how well they work and at what stage you can have them. I was adamant I wanted an epidural and it did help a lot with pain relief
As others have said stay away from online forums people are more likely to post if things don't go well for support so online searches can be a bit skewed

I know it's hard not to worry, but you will get through it fine. On paper my birth was one of the worst, really long labour and then emergency Caesarian, but looking back now it was fine really! I think you can look at the positives in each situation - even if you have a painful delivery, then at least you avoided surgery. Or if you have surgery you'll have avoided the agony of pushing it out. And just remember no labour lasts forever, and the result it worth it. Good luck with everything x

Also maybe try not to have your heart set on one thing as you never know what will happen and what options you will have available. See it as a tombola, you know what's in there, you know what you'd prefer to get but you don't know what ticket you'll get so you just have to roll with it. All you can do before hand is know what the prizes are and think about what you might do if you had them.

That's two weird analogies I've got into one thread...

Thank you I will look into the hypno birth sounds like it could really ease my mind

Thank you I will look into the hypno birth sounds like it could really ease my mind

Both of my sisters-in-laws has hypno births in a pool, and had very easy births with no pain relief other than gas and air, and no tearing - despite both giving birth to 9lb+ babies! Two of my colleagues also have wives that were in active labour for under an hour.

I know people that have had difficult births too, so I understand how daunting it is - I've always been terrified of childbirth, and I'm still very nervous now (due date for me in four days!). However, I'm so hot and uncomfortable now that if I went into labour this second, I'd be celebrating!

Every birth is different and IME the prep you do has little or no effect on what actually happens on the day. That baby is coming out how they want to come out!

With my first I did hypnobirthing and yoga. Planned for a drug free water birth. Ended up with a horrendously traumatic experience and had every intervention and method of pain relief possible.

After that; the plan with my second was "fuck the hippy shit, I just want us both to get out of this alive." And guess what - I had a drug free water birth.

I think putting no pressure on myself the second time really helped (not like first time when I was so caught up in hypnobirth twaddle that I honestly believed pain was all in the mind) but, ultimately, it was down to luck and positioning.

Your baby is coming out somehow OP - just go with the flow and keep all options open.

Or embrace that the outside world is not very honest about childbirth and that forums are too honest about childbirth and meet somewhere in the middle?

Hi OP, I'm 23 weeks tomorrow and feeling ok about it at this stage. I'm kind of thinking it's got to come out somehow, and getting stressed is more likely to cause issues. Based on the experiences of friends, my expectations are very low- I'm not really planning anything other than "please get us both through it alive". I'm starting Daisy Birthing and possibly hypnobirthing soon, and have NCT in September. I kind of think that knowledge is power, and hopefully it will all be less scary if I know what is happening and why.

If you're feeling anxious would you be comfortable speaking to your midwife? There might be NHS classes or ward tours available to make the process seem a bit less terrifying.

I would feel Abit uneasy talking to midwife about it as they may make jokes and say well you got yourself pregnant as my midwife has a sense of humour like that and I'm quite shy. I have always had a fear of giving birth I never imagined myself having to go through it but now I am 22 weeks pregnant and he has to come out eventually coz he can't stay there I'm just anxious because I really really don't know what to expect and nobody can really tell you because every birth is different I'm trying not to think about it but really it's gunna happen.

Definitely look at hypnobirthing. I used the Maggie Howell book and CD and it completely changed my perspective of childbirth. Now having done it, I'd add that you should keep an open mind on pain relief too. An epidural was bloody brilliant! I slept a bit

Easy for me to say but please please don't worry. If it was that bad the world would be full of only children.

The only way I can describe contractions is like the most intense period cramp you could imagine which lasts 60 seconds.

Explore lots of different breathing techniques and hypno birthing. And remember there's lots of options to help - birthing pool, standing up, laying down, hands and knees, gas and air, epidural etc.. Keep an open mind, I desperately wanted a hypnobirthing water birth. I hated the pool and at 7cms got an epidural. It wasn't on my plan but it was the best thing for me for that birth.

I think I'm going to look into hypno birth I want a water birth as I think the water might help to keep me calm.

Hey Tink2015,

I'm 38 weeks at the moment and also had a bit of a panic around 20 weeks when it suddenly occurred to me that I wasn't only pregnant, but I was going to have to give birth to an actual baby at some point!

I found that researching the stages of labour, reading/listening to other people's birth stories really helped me feel a bit more prepared and less apprehensive.

If you can, I'd recommend listening to a Podcast called The Birth Hour. It's where women tell their birth stories, and really helped me understand the process and feel more at ease about the experience. I'm not going to lie, not all of the stories are about smooth and easy labours, but they help familiarise you with the whole range of experiences. Lots of women also share coping strategies, which you mind find helpful. Plus, the parts where women finally meet their beautiful little babies will help you focus on the important bit

Good luck! xx