Worried over giving birth...

[MissN92]

Hello.
As my due date gets closer and closer I am getting increasingly worried about having to give birth; this is my first and I feel so out of my depth. Where to even start: Pain relief? What to have? Why to have it? What are people''s experiences? How sore is it ... genuinely. Is it as yucky and gross as I am imagining? How long will it be until I can come home? Can my partner stay with me? Eeek I can't wait to meet my child, but gosh I am feeling so so put of my depth suddenly!
Thank you for any advice!!

Try to worry yourself...that baby will come out one way or another. I just kept telling myself that women have been doing this for millions of years and no one would ever have more than one if it was that horrific! Obviously it's painful - but we all know that. Don't rule any pain relief out yet and just see how it's goes. Throw planning out the window and just go with the flow 👍 Good luck - you'll be fine! X

Have you got any birthing classes lined up? Either the nhs ones, nct ones (I heartily recommend) or lazy daisy birthing classes or similar (pro active birth).

Don't worry. Although it's natural to feel apprehension. You're body is designed to do this.

Out of everything I look back on about the journey through pregnancy to early years the one thing I'm happy I can cope with (after 2 births) is another birth. I don't fancy ever being pregnant again, I hated breast feeding (although I've spent 4 years of my life breastfeeding one child then the other, not consecutively) , I don't think I can face any more of the exhausting early years, but birth is different. It's a great achievement, however baby gets here. You will discover you are more resilient than you know.

It hurts. No lie. But you are pain free between contractions. You won't give a stuff about the ick factor. Try and read up and find out about pain management options. There is lots of helpful advice on here.

I'm a fan of TENS, and water, plus found a bit of gas and air helped me second time around and I remember dc2's birth much more fondly because of it.

Good luck. You'll be fine.

Try not to worry! Weirdly I never panicked at all, I guess I didn't know what to expect so couldn't really get scared. Yes it is painful there's no point lying, i had just gas and air and she was over 8lbs so was very painful for me, I had second degree interior tearing and some grazing and ended up in theatre with a retained placenta. BUT I did it, my partner was amazing, he showered me when I was bleeding afterwards. As for being "yucky and gross" I doubt you'll even think about that to be honest, I threw up seconds after giving birth so yes it's messy but it's all natural. It's beats not to plan too much, I planned a water birth but it didn't happenas many don't, whatever happens will happen. Not brilliant advice I know haha.
I was sore for quite a few days afterwards due to stitching. But I have a beautiful DD who is 2 and I'm desperate for another so it's definitely worth it all :) oh and I came home the next day, the length of stay just depends on how the birth goes. Good luck

*Its best not to plan

Don't get sucked into the its natural we can all do.it.just by breathing correctly nonsense. Take any and all pain relief you want and make it clear as soon as you get to the hospital that is the route you are on and you don't want to be persuaded to just try without for a little bit longer. Lets face you would self hypnosis to get a tooth removed after all.
Don't get me wrong you may not need much beyond breathing, water, tens but if the baby is positioned wrongly or you have a slow labour etc no amount of breathing 'correctly' is going to change things.
I had a walking epidural with dc1 which I highly recommend if its offered at your hospital. Dc2 was just gas and air (to fast for the epi), I don't recommend it esp if things are going to go on for a while.

Trust me when it happens you will know what to do and you won't panic. (Although you might, as I don't know you!!)

I just breathed through it and pooed loads in the pool. I found water a great comfort and I can't imagine doing without it. If you find it painful you can have pain relief and before you know it it will all be over!

If you want pain relief, ask for it. You don't have to breathe through the pain. My contractions were intense and every 2 mins for 24 hours. I reckon I would have passed out without an epidural. Good luck

My friend really didn't experience the same pain I did so see how you go, you might be fine just in the pool with gas or you might need more. I would say have an open mind

Go in with an open mind - try not to plan it but at the same time read up on everything pain relief wise so you know what is available to you and what the consequences of each are i.e. I had pethadine (sp?) with DD and really disliked how spaced out it made me but didn't realise when agreeing to it that it would have that effect ifyswim.

Don't worry about having to have a reason for why you want a particular form of pain relief you won't have to justify your choices to the midwife or anyone else. If you want an epidural have one etc. it isn't a competition to see who is more of a women by using less pain relief.

Your OH can stay with you during labour and delivery though will probably be sent home after baby is born if it is the middle of the night. You will feel gross afterwards as it is a messy but you will be able to bath/shower afterwards which will be the best bath/shower you have ever had in your life.

Good luck it'll all be fine

How sore is it - well that depends on your pain threshold. I've never broken a limb or had a serious illness, so to me it was the worst pain I've ever experienced. People who have had gallstones, for example, will tell you that they are worse. Be prepared for it to hurt like a bastard, but just always, always keep in your head that it will be over soon and then you'll have your baby. It's astonishing what you can cope with when you know what's at the end of it. But don't be a martyr - if you need pain relief, take it. The best of luck :).

Don't worry yourself.
I am the world's biggest coward and did it 4 times by choice!
It's nothing you can't handle, that's nature's way.
Something "otherwordly" takes you over and you amaze yourself by coping with it all.
Plus the enormous bonus of a beautiful (the most beautiful 😜) baby at the end of it all!
You'll be fine, i promise!

These are the mistakes I made when in labour with my first, so hope you can learn from them;
I presumed I would stick to my 'birth plan'.
I thought having a baby would be like it is in the films
I went to hospital in very early labour and got sent home
I was left for huge amounts of time in the hospital room with just my DP, the midwife just popped in and out (until ready to push)
I agreed to pethidine and hated it. I felt spaced out and dizzy.
I tortured myself listening to other mums' horror stories about birth

I bought a nice new nightie to give birth in (ruined!)

Good luck OP

Just keep an open mind. You can have pain relief if it hurts, you can try all sorts of things like water or tens or hypnobirthing. Your caregivers will have done this so many times, anything which crops up, they will guide you through.

You can have an ideal birth plan and look at ways of nudging towards it. However, it will ultimately come down to chance so knowing what you'd like in each situation will help you feel empowered should things arise which weren't your ideal.

I'm afraid nobody can tell you that it won't hurt between contractions or your body will know what to do or any of the other absolutes on this thread. You might have that textbook delivery but it's down to you and the baby and that day. You cannot fail. There is no right or wrong, only right for you.

And the baby will be spectacular...

I've had one nightmare labour and one straightforward one.

What I've learned is that it's a lot to do with luck and the baby's positioning, and fuck all to do with pain threshold.

In my first labour I needed every drug and intervention known to mankind, as DS was stuck and not coming out on his own.

Second time around, I did it with just a bit of gas and air in the birthing pool. I didn't mysteriously get immune to pain during the three years in between - I was just lucky second time and not the first.

So go in there with an open mind, and take the birth experience that is dealt to you on the day with as many or as few methods of pain relief as you need. Pain relief is good and is there for a reason. I was lucky enough not to need it second time as water and breathing were enough - whereas in my first labour no amount of breathing exercises could have had any effect.

(Oh - and you won't give a toss about it being "yucky" once you're in labour. I didn't notice or care). Best of luck and do try not to worry!

I remember feeling similar, I'd been fine about labour but as it got closer I started to feel more anxious. I'm afraid I'm an eternal pessimist - as far as I'm concerned if I think the worst it can only get better 😄
As it happened I was really lucky and had a great birth. My waters broke at 2.20pm & DD was born at 6.55pm following a water birth which really helped with the pain. I wasn't keen on an epidural but put it in my birth plan as a 'just in case' as I didn't want to be dissuaded from having one if I felt I needed it.
I'll not lie, the contractions were painful once they got started but paracetoml, gas & air & the warm water really helped. I can only describe the actual birth as stinging like crazy which I hadn't expected (although not sure what I did expect!). The best piece of advice came from friends who told me not to lose it, as with their first they both lost it & felt out of control.

As for the yucky part, my husband describes it as a blood bath - i can't remember! I certainly didn't care either, I nearly stripped off on the way to the pool I was that desperate to get in it

I was quite sore afterwards for a good few days, had to sit on a cushion when faced with a hard chair!

I was in hospital for about 30 hours in total.

Hope that helps & try not to worry. You can't really plan so try to keep an open mind and do what's best for you when the time comes.

MissN are you based in the UK? How far along are you?

As pp have asked, do you have any classes booked?

Yes based in UK and have had one antenatal class thus far! Thank you for all of the advice! It has helped!!!