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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

last one in NCT group to give birth

22 replies

RoseyThePony · 24/11/2015 23:42

I was always likely to be the last as my due date was 4 days after the next mum on the list, but she gave birth early and now everyone has their babies and I'm still preg.

I was worried from the start, but hoped it wouldn't be a prob. But now one of the ladies goes out of her way to point out how I know nothing about parenthood and how everyone else feels. Even when what we're talking about isn't even relevant she'll say 'ha ha - you think it's funny but you have no idea...' Etc.

Am I overreacting? It's totally possible, given I'm 39+6!

OP posts:

TreeSparrow · 24/11/2015 23:47

NCT groups should be for support, not for one of them to single you out for flippant remarks like that. Sorry to hear this. That's the last thing you need right now.

SummerDreams13 · 25/11/2015 00:07

Ugh, this was me, last year! Went 2 weeks overdue and withdrew entirely from our WhatsApp group because I was so grumpy that everyone had had their babies - some nearly a month before mine decided it was time to come out! It was genuinely crappy in the run up, but, a year later and the age differences really make no difference. Mine was the last to teethe but among the first to crawl and everyone travelled with babies before I did, so could offer advice, but mine went to nursery before them so I advised them. I promise you, it all comes out in the wash and will all seem like a distant memory in a couple of months

SummerDreams13 · 25/11/2015 00:10

And regarding the snidey comment, it seems some new parents become the equivalent of 'smug marrieds' - haven't worked out why, but it tends to be the ones who are least confident, do remember that and try not to let it get to you

Original poster

RoseyThePony · 25/11/2015 00:24

Thanks Summer - I hadn't thought that she might be compensating for her own worries.

Always concerning when someone tried to make others feel different to make themselves feel better though. It's made me uncertain of her, and we've only known each other a few weeks!

OP posts:

WiIdfire · 25/11/2015 00:32

There's nearly two months between the first and last of ours, but it doesn't matter. In fact everyone was cheering on the last lady and she had a lot of (positive) attention, as opposed to the middle few who popped them out at the same time. Plus she has the cutest littlest baby of the lot now. It sounds more of an issue with this one lady, if anything.

mrsmugoo · 25/11/2015 10:13

They are not experts on parenting after a couple of weeks with a newborn!

Some people just have a tendency to belittle others - my SIL gave birth a mere 9 weeks before me and proceeded to remind me how much more of an expert "been there done that" she was at every single stage of our DC's life until my DS started overtaking her DD with his crawling/walking/talking etc!

Your baby will be in your arms before you know it - remember when your child starts school they will be in the same class as children up to 8 months months younger than yours and no one will bat an eyelid at that age difference and no parent would try to make out they know more than you based on that so take this with a massive pinch of salt!!

mummyagainin2016 · 25/11/2015 11:40

Another perspective - I was first to give birth out of my NCT group of 8. Was due to be the first on DDs but was a bit early too. That also felt a bit weird at the time but was no big deal! Certainly nothing to make comments about. In fact, I felt short-changed with the fact that I had by far the most 'difficult' delivery and BF experience and I took longer to recover than others who have birth weeks after me, but I never said that out loud obviously. There's about 6 weeks between the oldest and youngest in our group. Hope your group works out for you. Ours has got better and closer as time had gone on, 3 years postpartum now.
Good luck for your upcoming birth. Keep focused on that and not these silly comments.

tobysmum77 · 26/11/2015 07:23

She sounds like someone you will spend maternity leave avoiding. Honestly is getting on with her or not anything to do with you still being pregnant. I'm sure her 'wisdom' is getting on the nerves of others also.

I don't really understand why people treat pregnant women like they are stupid. It says more about them imo.

Autumn2014 · 26/11/2015 09:50

It was the opposite with me. My son arrived 9 weeks pre term and as such I had nothing in common with my nct group. I missed most of the sessions where the.they all bonded whilst still pregnant and then had a tiny sick baby stuck in hospital having life saving surgery whilst every one else went on to deliver healthy bouncing babies. Apart from the initial contact after his birth I didn't see them again.
Hope you get to meet your baby soon.

Original poster

RoseyThePony · 26/11/2015 11:15

I do think it is a lot to expect a group of people (who ultimately have nothing initially in common except their approximate due dates) to form friendships in the long term.

I'm not sure that this lady is going to be someone I want to spend time with in the long term - smug mummies are incredibly annoying and destructive!

OP posts:

baffledmummy · 27/11/2015 08:46

I was first due and ended up getting induced early so I had the opposite problem to you! I had nobody to discuss newborn related queries with and by the time the other babies started to arrive, DD was already 5 weeks and I'd had to switch to formula...all I heard about for weeks was problems latching, dealing with over supply etc. I did feel quite isolated...I could never celebrate DDs firsts without sounding like I was showing off (e.g. first sleep through the night, first roll over etc) as it was so much earlier than everyone else that they couldn't really relate (So I just used to shut up! Was paranoid at coming over all smug mummy!). As they have gotten older it is better now - I'd say after the first few months they are all pretty much the same!

Wishful80smontage · 27/11/2015 08:50

I remember being so jealous when everyone else was annoucing their births and I was still waiting but I was so irritable anyway at the point.
I met up with my group a couple of times once all the babies had arrived but since then only meet up regularly with one. I've made much more compatible friends at baby groups, I would be avoiding Miss Judgey Pants she sounds like a nightmare!

Wishful80smontage · 27/11/2015 08:52

I'm not sure that this lady is going to be someone I want to spend time with in the long term - smug mummies are incredibly annoying and destructive!
Yes this :)
Much easier to weed out the ones that will annoy you at baby groups I was very sleep deprived and avoided the 'god its so easy whats all the fuss about' types

tobysmum77 · 27/11/2015 08:55

I'm not sure that this lady is going to be someone I want to spend time with in the long term - smug mummies are incredibly annoying and destructive!

LOL yeah exactly you meet loads of people when you have your first baby..... If you manage to find one or two friends for the longer term that's great.

mrsjskelton · 29/11/2015 17:33

Ugh Rosey I feel your pain towards this insensitive parent - I am 32+5 and although not in NCT I have a colleague at work that I'd quite happily shove off a cliff at the moment. Always belittling me and making me feel stupid. These people just need reminding that they aren't God's gift anymore

HelenaJustina · 29/11/2015 17:39

I was last by about 3 weeks, should have been about 10 days... And the group spanned the academic year divide. The first baby (born on time) was 2 months, and a whole school year ahead of my DC1.

I didn't have any snidey comments of the time you are describing but I definitely skipped a couple of coffee morning meet ups as was so grumpy that they all had babies and I was sitting there like a spare part...

It all came out in the wash I became more reasonable once I wasn't overdue and we had a great 6 months before they started drifting back to work.

ShebaShimmyShake · 05/12/2015 15:28

Thanks for reminding me why I didn't bother with NCT. Far too many stories like this.

Runningupthathill82 · 05/12/2015 21:38

What Sheba said. Thank goodness I didn't pay hundreds of quid to put up with that sort of shite!

ZenNudist · 05/12/2015 21:43

She sounds like a dick. Don't let one bad one ruin the nct friendships. I love my nct friends. 5 years on we have all formed a bond from going through the same thing at roughly the same time.

My group were lovely, we had births spread over 2 months, all the ones who had bad birth experiences kept quiet until everyone was done. They certainly didn't try and make those who weren't officially parents yet feel bad!

Lilipot15 · 05/12/2015 21:52

Well that woman sounds an absolute delight!
And again I feel a bit better that I didn't do NCT.

KatyN · 14/12/2015 17:15

I remember meeting for coffee one day with my Nct group and one of the mums brought her baby. She sat and breast fed while the rest of us ate our body weight in cake and spent the afternoon gossiping!

It was quite odd. Your baby will be here soo. Kxx

HSMMaCM · 14/12/2015 17:27

I was last in my group. They had a new baby meet up without me. Once my baby was born they were lovely people and I'm still in touch with two of them 16 years later. I felt most sorry for the person who was due first and her babies were so premature that she missed the signs of labour meeting and nearly had her babies in a shopping centre. She even ended up delivering in the 'wrong' hospital. I was lucky in comparison.

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