second child blues

[24hourM0MMY]

Just had dd 10 days ago and I'm feeling very detached from ds (4.5year old). I just want to hold him and spend time with him but obviously i'm very busy with the newborn. I just miss him terribly. Is this weird? Can't wait for the baby blues to go away!

Congratulations on your second child. Not weird. Very normal. Can you make use of visitors cooing over the newborn to get a chance to cuddle DS and tell him you love him?

I found this the most difficult and surprising thing after having dd-I missed ds so much. After 19 months of taking care of just him I missed doing the normal things with him! I made time for him, just little things but I chose two things and did them no matter what. I gave him his bath every night (even though dp had to run it and set everything up) and I watched 2 episodes of Bing together having a cuddle after his nap (a long standing tradition!). I'd feed dd for ages just before and hand her to dp, I'll be honest and say that she did cry a few times but I did it anyway. I know that sounds awful but I really needed that bit of time alone with ds- and he really needed it to.

Thanks for your posts. I feel exactly like that, miss him terribly. I try to do something with him everyday, even if its just a trip to the loo with him. I love the new baby, but it's such a drastic change from what was normal just 2 weeks ago that being around ds1 is the only thing that's keeping me grounded and able to keep perspective.

It gets easier. Having two just becomes the new normal and you find time somewhere for each of them and absolutely none for yourself!. TBH I was a crap mum in the later stage of my pregnancy, short tempered and grumpy so he's probably getting more quality time now.

It's so hard. I wasn't expecting it to be so hard with dd2. It took me a while to get things 'back' with dd1 but we're there now and the girls have the most fantastic relationship 9 months on.

I wouldn't beat yourself up over this. I'm sure its perfectly normal to feel guilty about giving one child more attention at first.