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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Childbirth without a midwife

17 replies

SweetpeaandPeony · 04/08/2015 10:10

I was wondering if anyone else had experienced childbirth without a midwife (born before arrival I think it is called)?

I had a baby girl last year and despite going into the midwife led unit at our local hospital was sent home. I had DD in my bedroom a few hours later and the community midwife arrived when she was about an hour or so old. I know I am really lucky because I had a very healthy daughter and the circumstances of her arrival didn't seem to bother her at all!

However I have to confess I found the whole experience traumatic and I am still struggling to get over it a year or so on. I just wondered if anyone else has experienced this and how they came to terms with it? This was my first pregnancy and I do wonder now that DD is nearly one and we start to think about a second child, if I would be able to go through the experience of childbirth again. If you have had a BBA and have gone on to have another baby, how did you find it? TIA

OP posts:

Chips1999 · 04/08/2015 10:16

I think I would plan a home birth for your second baby if you're classed as low risk and then make sure you call the midwife at the first sign of labour. I don't know anyone this has happened to personally although my mum has a friend who had her 4th baby at home alone on the kitchen floor and she was very upset and shocked even though it was her 4th baby. I think having a midwife with you is good for the reassurance even if they don't need to actually do anything.

I'm probably not going to have a third baby, but if I did I would plan a home birth as I seem to have quick labours and I just made it to the hospital in time to give birth both times with DS and DD.

yetanotherdeskmove · 04/08/2015 10:27

Yes I did. It was my second labour and my first had been slow due to the baby being back to back, so I just didn't think I needed to go to hospital yet (and I didn't want to go in and be sent home again). When I realised we did need to go in, it was far too late. Luckily the car paramedic arrived about a minute after the baby and the ambulance about 15 minutes after that so we all sat around drinking tea until the mw arrived about 45 minutes later. Looking back it was all very surreal.

I think the high lasted for quite a few weeks so the shock didn't really sink in until quite a lot later. But to be honest I have never felt traumatised by it, I think maybe because it was my second birth, I can imagine feeling very different if it were my first. I still have a huge sense of wonder and pride that we did it all on our own (well along with the help of the 999 responder on the phone!).

It may be worth you contacting your maternity unit to see if you can have a debrief? I don't plan to have any more dc but was advised by the mws after my BBA that I should plan a homebirth next time if I were to have another, as we probably wouldn't make it to the hospital again.

Cheekybiscuit · 04/08/2015 10:33

DC2 was BBA and like you, I was sent home from hospital, arrived home and gave birth about 10 mins later in our bathroom. It was scary and worrying as I had haemmoraged with DC1 but it worked out ok. DC3 was my 'best and most straightforward birth'. I had her in a birthing centre and it was quick again. None of my births have been the same. Just voice your fears during pregnancy and make them aware

littleducks · 04/08/2015 10:47

I had a BBA for ds. i didn't find it traumatic at all infact it was my best birth in many ways. But it was my second and I felt in control and knew and recognised how far along I was. so decided to stay put and called ambulance. Parameducs caught baby.

My first birth had been at a birth centre and MW had been hands off so it felt familiar.

For my third birth I discussed my BBA with MW and as I had enjoyed snuggling up at home with baby after the BBA i opted for a planed home birth. They delivered a kit checked out house beforehand (suitable plug socket for resuscitation kit in emergency, good lighting for stitching- none was required but it was reassuring ). As my previous labours had been prompt it was agreed that one MW would come straight to me and the other go to collect oxygen and gas and air when i called. This was sensible as ds2 was born within ten minutes of MW arriving and before she had even got sorted or put gloves on etc.

insanityscatching · 04/08/2015 10:50

Dsis had her baby in the ambulance, so not the same, but only 20 minutes after a midwife had attended her at home and told her she wasn't in labour Dsis begged her to examine her and stay with her but midwife refused and left telling dsis she would see her in clinic next week. Midwife drove off and BIL rang 999. Ambulance men rang to ask the midwife to come back but was told she would meet them at hospital as dsis wasn't going to give birth any time soon. Dsis got in the ambulance and gave birth before they had time to move from her house.
Dsis was traumatised and still is tbh, she never got any answers as to why the midwife was so dismissive of her. Midwife felt that dsis wasn't having proper contractions and was exaggerating the pain she was in even though it was dsis third baby and so obviously she had some knowledge of what labour felt like.

Original poster

SweetpeaandPeony · 04/08/2015 11:08

Ok thanks all, sounds like I should consider a home birth then. I guess I just need to tell myself that a planned home birth will be different!

I'm sorry for those who feel that they weren't listened to properly. I guess the advice to trust your instincts is right!

OP posts:

Hassled · 04/08/2015 11:13

It does sound like a planned homebirth is your answer.

Going through that for a first baby must have been absolutely terrifying - I can't begin to imagine. You sound quite apologetic with "I have to confess I found the whole experience traumatic" - don't be apologetic; it must have been incredibly traumatic. Have you had any support/counselling about it?

Original poster

SweetpeaandPeony · 04/08/2015 11:33

Thanks Hassled for your kind message.

I guess I do feel guilty because at the end of the day I had a healthy baby, so what's to complain about? I don't really like talking about it all so I'm not sure that counselling is the answer for me, but I'm hopeful that if we do have a second baby and have a more straightforward time of it, it will be a big help (not that that's my motivation for a second of course!).

OP posts:

Roseotto · 04/08/2015 12:18

Not surprised you're shocked - I had a baby immediately on arrival and found that quite shocking too. personally I found it easier with subsequent babies to detect the very earliest signs of labour and I was in at the first twinge. Personally I wouldn't want a home birth though, although can see it may be a good option if you wouldn't mind. Although there are plenty of home birth stories where the midwives don't arrive on time either...
The fault lies with the hospital who sent you home, there was clearly a bit of warning and you saw the signs, the midwives didn't!

BeautifulLiar · 04/08/2015 13:18

I had a BBA, planned home birth but they just didn't make it in time. I found it really scary and rather painful.

Now 9 weeks pregnant and I will be telling the midwife at the booking appointment that they need to make sure someone is sent out this time!

nemo81 · 04/08/2015 17:43

I had a bba with baby number 8! Considering all i had been told during my pregnancy was that i was a high risk for a pph i was absolutely terrified that i was going to bleed to death!

I had gone to hospital but sent home not in labour and to return when my contractions reached every 3-4 mins. They never did, were every 7 mins all the way through! As soon as my waters broke on the sofa i knew that was it. I got as far as the living room door and the baby was out.

purplesnail · 05/08/2015 23:31

If you plan a homebirth you can always decide to go into hospital instead once your in labour if you would feel happier doing that, just refuse to leave if they try to send you home.

MishMooshAndMogwai · 06/08/2015 00:09

I had one last week with dd2!

Planned homebirth that was cancelled at the last second as there were no midwives on duty so they asked me to come in, dd was born 15 mins later whilst Dp was downstairs letting the paramedics in!
Tbh for me it was the absolute perfect birth, everything Id secretly wanted but knew it wasn't wise to go for in case of complications. Dp however may be scarred for life after the whole drama!

Id definitely recommend reading as many birth stories, particularly home birth stories, as you can. I read so many in the last few weeks of pregnancy and felt so aware of what was happening and so in control as a result. I'm sure that's what got me through it all so calmly (although I did have a bit of a panic when I realised I was pushing!)

Good luck

BuffyFairy · 06/08/2015 00:14

DC2 was BBA, it all happened so fast I didn't have time to worry. DH caught him with the paramedics arriving 5 minutes later and the midwife an hour after. Apparently I looked rather pale!

I've been advised to have a home birth if we have another one.

To be honest I felt more in control than I did in hospital with DC1. The midwives were insisting I wasn't ready to push when I knew I was all because it hadn't been 4 hours since their first examination. DD was born before the second one was due!

NoSquirrels · 06/08/2015 00:43

Yes, also BBA for DC2. Planned a home birth and had delivered one baby so I guess adrenaline just carried me through. I have not felt traumatised by it, although I half expected to be. Now it is just my "If I can do that I can do anything" story to myself.

Do ask for counselling if you feel traumatised by it (and it's a perfectly reasonable psychological reaction to a scary situation, and it was your first) and be vocal about what care you need from the team and that you need to be listened to despite how you present. I was told I didn't sound in enough distress hence why I didn't get a midwife prioritised to me . . .

LibrariesGaveUsPower · 07/08/2015 21:36

Can I ask something - were you alone until the community mw arrived. I had a BBA but the paramedics got there before the mw. Waiting that long does sound scary.

BlueChampagne · 08/08/2015 23:12

Delivered DS2 on my own in the bathroom while DH (with DS1) were on the phone to the ambulance! Felt amazing and all well.

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