Second time labouring...

[MummyBex1985]

Hi ladies

Just looking for some opinions on second births.

My first birth was pretty traumatic. Fairly quick, but a lot of blood loss, a transfusion, falling unconscious and a third degree tear.

I've heard that second births are generally quicker and easier, but most people have their kids close together, right? Is this likely to be the case when I'm ten years between pregnancies or will my body essentially be back at square one?

Sorry if this is a daft question, it just took me several years to get over the trauma of my first labour and now I'm terrified it will happen again!

I'm not surprised you've left a big gap. Have you ever spoken to the Birth Trauma Association?

No, I've never even heard of them! A friend of mine who's a clinical negligence solicitor recommended asking to look at my notes, but tbh I didn't really want to relive the experience.

The hospital were great, btw, and I don't think any of what happened was their fault.

I will look into the birth trauma guys though, thank you. I guess I just need some reassurance it won't be so terrible the second time around.

It might be worth just talking through how you feel with them

I had a fast labour with my first dc and ended up with a third degree tear and found it all quite traumatic.

I had dc2 two weeks ago after a 3 year gap and the birth was even quicker (4cms to delivered in 23 minutes!), but I had a fantastic senior midwife who used a 'hands on' approach with crowning and I only ended up with a small second degree tear. I have felt absolutely fantastic compared to my first birth.

I went to the 'Birth Matters' clinic at the hospital during this pregnancy and they discussed my notes and my birth and we made a birth plan together. The hospital took this seriously when I came in to triage (I had in my plan I wanted to go in as soon as I got any twinges to be assessed as I was fobbed off with my first birth and arrived fully dilated and in an awful panicked state). I would definitely recommend seeing the supervisor of midwives or the birth trauma clinic about your previous birth.

I think second births tend to be easier because your pelvic floor and vagina muscles have already been stretched once, and I'm guessing they never really go back to the state they were before your first birth?

My second was certainly much quicker at the pushing stage, but that was after a pretty long first stage as my waters refused to break, so it's swings and roundabouts really!

On top of what others have recommended, i would also highly recommend you look at hynobirthing. Even if you're like me, and you're not normally into that sort of thing, do have a look into it. My first birth was pretty horrible, but for the second, I used some hypnobirthing techniques, and even though it still wasn't exactly a walk in the park, I was much calmer and felt much more in control and was able to get on with it without my previous experience of childbirth casting a shadow over it.

I had six years between births. My first baby was born two and a half hours after I got to the hospital. My next labour was under an hour from start to finish!
I would second looking at things like hypnobirthing and good positions to labour in.
Good luck.

Hypno birthing sounds great, but with a full time job I'm not sure I will be able to devote enough time to it! I will definitely look into it though thank you, I want things to be as different as possible this time!

oh god yes, i know what you mean. I certainly didn't have hours to devote to finding my inner goddess or whatnot!

This is the CD i used. It takes 40 minutes to listen to, and I started listening to it as many days as I could from 36 weeks when I went on mat leave. (DS1 was at nursery 4 days a week.) one of the reasons I persisted with it was because I always felt so chilled out and positive afterwards, being a naturally anxious person.

Seriously, even if you just do a little bit - even if you just listened to it once, it can help, so don't worry about finding the time.

Also look at The Calm Birth School. They do online courses, but there's some stuff you can get for free, 10 minute videos.

Good luck!