Anyone in the same situation - Home birth?

[PiercedMrsL]

Bear with me if this post doesn't make much sense but I'd love to hear if anyone is in the same situation as me!

Currently 34 weeks pregnant with DC1, my DH has been away with work for the past 9 weeks and is due back 1 week before my due date, although this could change.

After much discussion with my midwife, friends and family, and weighing up the pros and cons, I have opted for a home birth. I'm a low risk pregnancy and not great with hospitals although I am fully prepared to transfer into hospital if needs be. My midwife is very supportive of the idea and made me feel very positive about HB in general.

Anyway, I digress. My second birthing partner, should my husband not be home in time, lives about 40 minutes away - in theory plenty of time to get here once labour begins. BUT - what if she doesn't? (traffic etc)
Have any of you had planned to have birthing partners but for whatever reason ended up giving birth with just the midwives present and birthing partner turning up just afterwards?

I feel I should add that it would take around 24 hours for DP to get home and both my parents are 3 hours away so would have a longer wait than for my best friend.

To be honest, if your best friend doesn't get there, there's a fighting chance the mw's won't either. It took about an hour for the mw's in first home birth (who missed it). Second time the mw only lived 5 minutes away, knew me, and was there in 20 minutes.

The reality is, that with a first birth you are very unlikely to go first twinge to baby in under an hour. It's far more likely to be long or a slow build (my first was at the very long end of the spectrum, that one was hospital). My bigger question would be when the friend can come - e.g if you call her at work, can she be there in 90 minutes or whatever.

But what I would say is that, much as I loved my husband being there, once I was properly labouring I was in my little bubble and I am not sure it would have been a disaster if he, or an alternative birthing parter, weren't there. What mattered was hearing a comforting voice I trusted, which you should be getting form the hb midwife. Actually, what mattered in the first two births was having someone with me during the long and niggly early stage, when none of the medical professionals are interested - how available would she be to come and help out during that (rather than the dramatic 'labour' bit).

If you end up on your own, don't worry. Women have done it before and will do it again.

That's exactly the sort of thing I needed to hear :) Reality is if I call my friend for the niggly stage I'm sure she will be here within 90 minutes. She's probably got a bag packed and in her car ready to go already!

You're completely right about women being on their own, at this moment in time I do feel like some support would be great, but when it comes down to it I may feel happier on my own anyway :)

I was described at 'quite far away' in both my second and third labours (the homebirths). I could hear distant calming voices, but it didn't matter whose they were iyswim!

If you need to transfer, or whatever, I am sure it becomes more important to have someone with you. But those things are likely to give enough time for your friend to be there.

I agree with previous posters. I needed hubby there during the long latent bit. When I was actually birthing I needed to be in my own zone.
With dd1 I was 36 hours from first twinge to birth although my active labour was only 2.5 hours.
With dd2 - my home birth - I was 24 hours from first contraction to birth but again only 2.5 hour active labour.
It was the long bits I needed someone there to distract me. Once I got into the pushing bit I just needed myself.

Thanks to both of you for your experiences :)

I think I'm just feeling a bit vulnerable at the moment, majority of the time I'm upbeat and excited but I do have moments where I get worried and unfortunately can't just share my fears with dh as he's out of contact for days/weeks at a time. I wouldn't be human if I didn't worry though I suppose!

I found pregnancy a surprisingly lonely time even with dh there all the time. Sorry you're having to do so much if this alone. X

roseybee I know what you mean, pregnancy can be very isolating! I just keep thinking of the positives of him being away. Being able to sprawl out in bed and try to get comfy, eating jelly for dinner with no judgement and not squabbling over the TV remote are all winners for me!

Its not a home birth situation but I have given birth alone in hospital with just the midwives there. I was induced so had a long wait alone.

It's scary at times but I can promise you, if it your friend doesn't make it, you will do it, you will cope and you will feel like a superhero when it's over! I looked at her little face and thought 'look what I just did!'

Would your friend or parents coming to stay with you for a while be an option? Or could you stay at your parents and give birth there?

Lol definitely some good points. Less likely to kill him if he's not there. I spend most of my two pregnancies wanting to strangle mine haha. X

Haha him being distanced from my pregnancy rage is definitely a good thing!
fern unfortunately both my parents live 3 hours away, work full time so wouldn't be able to stay with me. Honestly don't fancy not being in my own home when I go into labour, I think I'd rather be on my own! Is that weird?

No, not weird at all. That's the point of home birth isn't it, being in your own comfortable surroundings.

Don't think its been suggested already, have you considered a doula? I've heard good things about them (although have no experience) and she may be able to be with you a lot sooner than your friend depending on how close she is to you.

I hadn't thought about a doula but can certainly have a look :) good idea, thanks :)

I would say if your husband isnt home, then call your friend when you get niggles.

I was a going to suggest a doula as well, we have booked one, i trust my community mw, but should something hapen, my doula can still be with me in hospital