Scared of giving birth second time round

[Bobian123]

Hi all

I guess I'm looking for some positive second birth stories, particularly if you had a bit of a hard time with your first.

I'm 30 weeks pg and have an 18m DS. First time round, I did a hypnobirth course and listened to CDs, genuinely looked forward to birth. It was all going fine, got to 10cm and then into the water to deliver but DS wouldn't budge. Long story short, it ended up with lots of prolonged pushing on my back and an eventual ventouse delivery. I know there are far worse stories out there but I was left quite traumatised after it.

Since getting pregnant for the second time, I now have a prolapsed bladder which I'm trying to help with PF exercises. I'm basically in denial about this birth, if I try and listen to hypno CDs it panicks, instead of relaxes, me! I feel sad because I want to feel excited about meeting my baby girl, and I know that this birth is likely to be different etc.

Can anyone share some positive stories with me?! Thanks.

Okay. My 2nd and 3rd births were fab after an awful first.

However, it might be worth exploring what happened in your first that made a good birth more difficult.

What made you get into the water?
What position were you in before you got into the water and what position were you in, in the water?
Did you get into the water with the expectation that you would push the baby out as soon as you were in?
Why did you decide to get into the water at that point and not before or later?
How long were you 'pushing' for?

I had a back to back long labour with first, delivered on my back, 2.5 hours pushing. Pushing for over an hour after head was visible.

With second I delivered in the water, leaning over the side, small graze, pushing for maybe 10 mins and out in 3 pushes from head being visible.

Starlight-I didn't have much in the way of decision unfortunately. I wanted to get in ASAP, midwife said I'd have to be 5cm to do so. I asked her to examine me to see if I was at that stage yet and I was 10. I knew the baby wouldnt be out immediately, they let me stay in there for a while before recommending I get out to forcefully push. Pushed for 2.5 hrs before ventouse delivery.

I've requested a debrief and waiting for my notes so I can try and understand why I needed to get out of the water if both the baby and I were fine!

roseybee thanks, that's comforting! Glad your second was much better!

How much of that pushing time was in the pool? What were you doing in the pool? Relaxing or pushing?

Did you feel under pressure to perform at the beginning of the pushing bit?

Do you recognise what is written here?:

talkbirth.me/2012/02/26/the-rest-and-be-thankful-stage/

First birth was ok on paper. It took 2 hours to push ds out. But the mw just did everything to me, I felt i had no control over anything. Highlight was being stitched up before the anathetic took effect.

With dd i switched hospitals and went onto a known mw scheme. They were v sympathetic and acknowledged what i said. When it came to giving birth it was physically worse than the first (back to back, pushing for 6 1/2 hours) but everyone talked to me and presented me with options so i felt so much better about it.

Hi there. I had a bad first birth and great second! I was also anxious, I did Hypnobirthing for first which didn't go to plan and didn't ever get round to listening to cd for second, I didn't feel ready to acknowledge it was happening!! I did listen to another positive cd about home birth which was much better and right for me.
Home birth in water for second, just gas and air, no stitches, perfect. 9 minutes pushing to deliver. I would say do supervisor of midwives debrief, I found this great. Talk to midwife about your worries, every time you see one if needed! I also see rated a similar thread a month or so ago so look back, many ladies kind enough to reassure and I found this really positive and helpful!
Xx

Thanks so much for your replies! Nomorethongs, this sounds v similar to me. Not ready to acknowledge it is going to happen yet! Good to hear your stories x

I did all the hypno stuff with first baby.

It all went out the window on the day, and despite starting in the birthing centre I ended up on labour ward as I stalled at 6cm so needed the drip.

Although I didn't have an EPI and I did deliver naturally without any assistance (or tears!) latter part of labour was very "medical" in that I was monitored constantly so therefore limited to my positions - I basically couldn't get off the bed. All in it was 51h [15h from when I went in]

Second time round I was a lot more apprehensive. Until the moment it started first time I had no fear / reservations but second time I knew what to expect and that didn't help! I didn't bother with any of the hypno stuff and felt more and more on edge as due date came closer.

Second labour was a lot more intense but it was quick - 4 hours from start to finish (only 80 minutes from arrival at hospital to delivery though!) and it was very natural. Just me, OH, one MW some G&A and my TENS.

Second labours are generally easier so I would try not to stress too much!

My first baby took a while to come (pregnant with baby 4 now) it was probably the hardest one. Baby 2 was a different story! So so quick. Went into labour at 7am she was born at 935 am about 10 mins after I got to hospital.
2nd births are meant to be a lot easier than 1st :)

I hear second births are often quicker-that also puts the fear into me slightly . Borrowed a tens machine which sounds like it's useful in early labour.....

Its natural to be scared with your second baby in general as you know exactly whats heading your way and its obviously intensified when you've had a traumatic 1st birth.

I was blissfully oblivious whilst pregnant with DD1 I knew labour would hurt and told myself I would handle it fabulously...my labour only ended up being 4 hours from start to finish but it was the worst 4 hours of my life! Because it was so fast the pain was so intense and started the very second my waters broke (all over my friends brand new sofa ) I honestly thought I was dying! It was awful! Long story short I ended up with a very bad tear and was being stitched up for an hour whilst clutching a new born baby I had no idea what to do with and at only 19 I was completely overwhelmed with the trauma of it all. I couldn't even look at my beautiful baby girl when I came home I just passed her to my partner now husband and wanted to forget the whole thing had happened I was in so much pain and could barely walk/sit down for the best part of two weeks! I felt so guilty for my lack of connection to her due to the emotional and physical trauma of it all

Fast forward 2 years and I fell pregnant with DD2 as you are now, I was petrified throughout my whole pregnancy and could hardly sleep with anxiety about how this labour would go I used to get myself into such a state I was inconsolable. I ended up with my waters breaking 5 weeks early and had to be induced as 48 hours later she still hadn't arrived! Induction wasn't so different to my first labour in regards to length of labour and intensity of the pain BUT I felt much more in control and knowledgable about labour which I found comforting, I eased off the gas and air a lot in comparison to not taking a breath without it with DD1 and I had explained to my fantastic midwife my fears about this labour and being petrified of tearing so badly again, she did everything she could do to stop me tearing and I escaped with a healthy baby and not so much as a graze to my perenium! It obviously helped that she was a bit earlier so obviously smaller than she should have been but I would choose that induction over my 1st labour in a heartbeat...I think I'd go as far as saying I quite enjoyed it! (As much as a person pushing a watermelon sized baby out of her lady bits can enjoy it)

You will be absolutely fine im sure! My advice is to communicate your fears with your midwife and hopefully she can do everything she can to make your labour a better one! After all you've done it before and you CAN do it again!

Good luck!

Thank you nomez! I'm 36 weeks and convinced every niggle is "it"! I've since gone over my notes from my first birth with a wonderful midwife, and I understand what happened much better now. I think, like you said, I am taking comfort from the knowledge I have of contractions/labour. My midwife has helped me put a plan a and b in place, which has also helped with the anxiety

No problem! Oh god I bet! It's way easier said than done but just keep reminding yourself throughout that soon you'll be holding your brand new beautiful baby in your arms and it will all have been worth it I really hope everything goes as perfect and smoothly as it can for you and both you and your baby are perfectly healthy at the end of it all. Remember also that second babies are said to be the easiest of the lot! X

Thanks so much, am clinging on to that hope

I'm terrified of giving birth again after the nightmare that was DS1's birth (back to back, 24 hrs of agony, getting stuck, failed ventouse and forceps).
I'm seriously thinking about asking for an elective section, but not sure if they'd allow it.

I'm another one who had a crap first birth. 52 hours long, 2 hours of pushing. Back to back, forceps, 3rd degree tear blah blah.

2nd birth- 1 hour 54 minutes, 4 small easy pushes and ds was out, I've honestly had worse head aches my second birth was so cathartic.

I wish you lots of luck!! Xx

DONT BE SCARED

I had a hard first labour - back to back, pushed for 2.5 hours and tore 2nd degree as he had his hand on his head.

I'm pg with second now. A lovely midwife yesterday said 'this birth will heal you from the first' which was nice!

I found that link up thread about resting after full dilation very interesting! I was made to push at 10cm even though I didn't feel like it at all. Not going to make them do anything this time, I'm going to own this birth!

Thanks all! I agree with owning the birth :-). I do think I'll feel more confident in speaking my mind this time x