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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

Just generally terrified of labour and birth...

26 replies

RL20 · 10/03/2015 08:55

That's just it really. Not sure what answers I'm expecting! Could do without 'a bit too late for worrying now' etc...
I'm sure I'm not the only one. Obviously this is my first. Currently 34+1 and on maternity leave which I suppose is giving me more time to think about it. Worrying myself over everything possible! I know they say the pain is all forgotten about as soon as baby is in your arms, which of course it is, but it doesn't stop me from still thinking about the pain! Shock I have no experience of Braxton Hicks as yet, so no clue as to what contractions will be like either Confused

OP posts:
snowydrops · 10/03/2015 09:27

I didn't want to leave you without a reply!

Have you tried any relaxation. Techniques / hypnobirthing?? I did it for my first baby and although labour was not exactly as planned it really really helped me stop panicking. I was very scared about the whole process but after listening to the CDs and doing the breathing things every day I felt much calmer and ready for it. This time I've got to have a c-sec and am still doing the hypnosis CDs to relax me before hand.

Also it might be good for you to write down exactly what you are scare d of? Do you know? Sometimes we build up the whole 'event' into something huge when in fact it's just certain aspects that scare us e.g I might tear, will baby be ok, will I cope with the pain etc. then you can answe each 'fear'
Individually.

Whatever happens the more calm and relaxed you are the better you will deal with it all on the day so it's worth putting some time in now to address your fears.

It's really not that bad...oh ad a rough time and I'm doing it again SmileSmile

Gingerandcocoa · 10/03/2015 09:31

I've had a nasty labour (induced, 30+ hours, venthouse attempt, forceps delivery), but honestly, it's not that bad!!!! I'm really not traumatised, and yes, the stitches are annoying and pooing is terrifying after labour, but I don't think it was the worse 30 hours of my life.

Chances are your labour will be much better than mine, I'm sure you'll do great! And in the meanwhile, try to distract yourself with other things and don't think too much about it!

Jackieharris · 10/03/2015 09:44

Read Sheila Kitzinger.

Do your research.

Pinpoint exactly what it is you are scared of- it isn't the same for everyone. For some it's pain, for some it's injections, for some it's the lack of control, for some it's the Los of dignity for some it's the fear of death.

Write a birth plan even if it's just for yourself. Go over it with your. Birth partner.

Have an idea what to expect- it won't feel so daunting if the 'routine' feels familiar.

smilingthroughgrittedteeth · 10/03/2015 09:53

Have you been to antenatal classes? I was really worried about labour and birth until I went to classes, once I had some idea of what to expect I felt a lot less out of control which took away a lot of the worry.

I'm now 38+2 and can honestly say I'm so fed up of being pregnant that I'd give anything to go into labour and view it as being able to finally meet my baby, there's no fear or worry just a need to get on with it.

nataliekristin · 10/03/2015 10:15

I can completely empathise, this is my first pregnancy and im 39 weeks today. For me, it's the feeling of not being able to control anything, not being able to choose when it starts, not being able to choose how long it lasts and not being able to control the pain. but the baby has to come out one way or another! I just keep reminding myself it won't be forever, millions of women do it every day and our bodies are made to do it! to be honest, as scared as I am about not knowing or being able to anticipate the pain, I'm just so uncomfortable now that I'm looking forward to when it begins! Try to focus on the end goal and meeting your beautiful baby Smile it will all be worth it!

Original poster
RL20 · 10/03/2015 10:58

Thanks all for your great replies I do appreciate them. I seem to get like this every other day. One day I don't think much about the birth and tend to think 'well he'll come out one way or another, I've got to do it', and the next day I'm like this.
Ive been to one antenatal class so far, last week, which was mainly introduction etc. I have my second one today.

Nataliekristin - I'm the exact same in the way that it's the fear of the unknown. I'm scared that the pain is going to be so bad that I literally can't cope?

I suppose other fears include;
Going into labour whilst on my own and it being quick and me being unable to get hold of anyone or get myself to the hospital!
I'm very squeamish so anything near my down below is going to make me feel Confused
For that reason I cannot, and haven't, watched anything like OBEM or birth videos.

I do keep trying to rationalise and think 'women do this every day'.
Like some of you have said it's being out of control of my body that's scary. I'm scared I won't recover properly afterwards. I don't know, the list is endless Sad Just have to hope for the best I suppose!

OP posts:
BettyButterchops · 10/03/2015 10:58

I had a hard time of it for my first baby. Ina May Gaskin has some wonderful positive stories. I also did a local workshop on finding coping strategies and positions that suit you for labour and birth. Not my normal thing to do a workshop, but worth its weight in gold. This time I'll revisit those techniques but gave also decided on a patient controlled epidural with my consultant and hope to have that sited as soon as it picks up. The strategies i used helped to roll with contractions and despite real fears, I actually enjoyed my early labour. It helped that I hired a Doula for that birth too, in fact, she was invaluable. Again.... not something I ever thought I'd do! I hope you find the right way forward and choices for your birth x x

Original poster
RL20 · 10/03/2015 11:00

Thank you Betty.
I will ask about breathing techniques at the antenatal class, as well as something that I can be doing when the contractions come like you said.

OP posts:
BettyButterchops · 10/03/2015 11:01

Sorry, the first part of that should read, I had a hard time of it and so feeling a bit scared too.... but also very positive as there is lots you can do to help with your fears! Good luck... x

Isolde85 · 10/03/2015 17:33

Not to sound like I'm telling anyone what to do, but if the pain is bad and you don't like it then just have an epidural - you don't feel anything after that, then they produce a baby - it's great! I can honestly say it was fabulous for me (my birth plan was pretty much like, I'll see what happens and what I feel like doing at the time). I don't see why people are often so against an epidural - if you have a headache you take nurofen right?

Isolde85 · 10/03/2015 17:37

P.S. As it's your first it is very very unlikely to come before you have time to get to the hospital, you will be totally fine!!! Good luck!!

cherryade8 · 10/03/2015 17:49

I second the idea of epidural and as much pain relief as you want if you feel you want it! Everyone has a different labour and different pain thresholds, there are no medals for going through labour without pain relief Grin

Good luck op!

Allstoppedup · 10/03/2015 17:50

I think it's totally normal to be scared!

I'm pregnant with number2 and am already feeling nervous but it's no where near the same fear as first time as then it was totally unknown.

I was induced at 2 weeks over and ended up with forceps and an episiotomy. Everything I was terrified of! But...it wasn't a bad experience. Labour is different for every woman so no one can say it will or won't be a good experience but I honestly was surprised that it wasn't anywhere near as awful as I'd geared myself up for. Yeah, it hurt but if you aren't coping, there are options- there's no competition and if you want pain relief, use it. You can't labour or birth wrong so go in as open minded as possible.

As its your first, its most likely that your DP will get to you in plenty of time (no guarantees!) but generally first labours progress fairly slowly. Have a contact plan and work out how quickly your DP can get to you so that you know what will happen. That might help you feel less anxious.

It's so difficult because it's not something you can put out of your mind but know that you can and will do this and it will be worth every uncomfortable minute when you hold your LO.

Speak to your midwife and partner about your concerns too, sometimes just talking about it all can help.

Good luck, you will do great!

Original poster
RL20 · 10/03/2015 19:55

Thank you all I appreciate it.

I agree with all of you about the epidural. My mum has also said to take whatever pain relief I can!
I've been to 2 antenatal classes so far but nothing has been mentioned yet about pain relief options but I might bring it up at my midwife appointment tomorrow.

Thanks again, I'm sure it'll all work out ok x

OP posts:
Sorehead · 11/03/2015 21:35

You will surprise yourself; pain in labour is different to normal pain if that makes sense, and your body will be able to cope with more than you think it can.

I had, on paper, an awful labour but it didn't feel as bad as it sounded. I'm not sure if it's hormones which alter your mental state to accept things better (well they have to be useful for something, rather than just making us cry at stupid things?)

I would recommend going in with an open mind to pain relief etc and just taking things as they come. As others have said, Epidurals are amazing!

You could mention your worries to your midwife too. She will have plenty of good advice.

Best wishes for the next few weeks :)

NAR4 · 12/03/2015 11:15

Just think of each contraction (once in labour of course), as a wave taking you closer to your baby, who is waiting for you on the shore. As the other ladies have said, each labour is different, so no matter how many babies you've had before, you still don't really know what is going to happen. Do some research on pain relief and different birthing options, mainly to distract yourself, but to make you feel more confident you're making informed decisions when in labour.

TaurielTest · 12/03/2015 11:20

I really do recommend natal hypnotherapy CDs. I was lent this one with my first, and listened to it while resting/napping with a sort of sceptical "well it can't hurt" attitude. I really do think it helped me relax and contributed to a calm and positive labour and birth.

TeaandHobnobs · 12/03/2015 12:03

Hypnobirthing is great. Rather than OBEM, or potentially "graphic" birth videos, have a look for videos of hypnobirths or pool births - they demonstrate how calm birth can be (although of course you can't guarantee anything!).
I am due with DC2 - DC1 was premature, but despite what could have been quite a scary experience (forceps delivery, etc), I thought the birth was fine. I used breathing techniques and affirmations to get me through it. This time, I am still a little apprehensive - I know it isn't going to be the same as my first birth - but I am trying to stay calm and positive, and go with the flow.
They do, after all, have to come out somehow Grin and I know that in the grand scheme of things, labour isn't actually all that long.

gamerchick · 12/03/2015 12:06

Your brain takes care of any fear when the time comes. It's got it's finger on all the buttons of different hormones.

Doesn't help in the meantime but it won't be as bad as you think it will be.

Artus · 12/03/2015 13:10

Your brain takes care of the fear...

Oh how I wish this had been true for me!

ch1134 · 16/03/2015 20:59

Me too! And I wish the pain was forgotten the minute the baby was in my arms!
I've never been in as much pain as after birth (apart from when I was having contractions). Just saying...
I am pregnant with no.2 now if that helps...

BathshebaDarkstone · 16/03/2015 21:03

I had a water birth and lavender oil with DC4. The water does actually numb the pain, I don't think aromatherapy works with me at all! Lavender's supposed to calm you.

HelenMindandBodyBirthing · 17/03/2015 12:53

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Roseybee10 · 18/03/2015 03:55

Hugs hon. I was exactly the same before my first. Family members terrified with horror stories. I decided to try hypnobirthing and it was fab. I managed a long, painful first labour where baby was back to back snd got to about 7cm with no pain relief and moved onto gas and air then. I felt so empowered that o chose a home birth for my second last month.
The pain is bad at the time but it's a positive pain and if you don't fight against it then it's less painful. If you're not coping with the pain than you have pain relief - whatever you need and however much you need.

I'm a control freak and I hated the thought of not being in control of how my labour went. I realused though that I was in control of how I dealt with it and that gave me some co tell back which kept me calm.

misslondondublin · 19/03/2015 23:17

The best book I've ever read was "Do Birth" by Caroline Flint, available on Amazon, great no nonsense advice, great tips for dads to be too.
The most important thing is trust yourself and your body,
childbirth is totally normal,
only go into hospital when you can't walk or talk through a contraction or as Caroline puts it- when you "moo"!
Her advice for the postnatal period too is fantastic as well,
Make you bedroom your sanctuary
Stay in bed for 10days to two weeks (however long your partner is off work)
During those two weeks all you do is feed the baby, and rest!! THE BEST ADVICE ever given to me!! My DH took it very seriously too!