Plans for Childcare During Birth

[pommedeterre]

PIL to look after dds when I am in for induction with ds.

Feeling quite unsure about this due to MILs behaviour. Not dangerous, just boundary crossing and no responsibility taken afterwards (coslept with dd1 which is something we've never done and which left dd1 feeling very confused and upset). MIL has been overbearing and disrespectful of us as parents since dd1s birth. Hasn't been an issue with dd2 weirdly.

DH feels more comfortable with them as it means when he goes back post birth his parents are there rather than a mixture of our part time nanny and my mum. Also means they can see ds when I come back from hospital (before buggering off - another issue as they were very annoyed about our request for them to not stay for hours/overnight when I came back with dd2) as they wouldn't make a trip down without an overnight stay/lots of fuss.

How likely is this to really bug me during labour and 'put me off as it were'? Anyone else had arrangements for older children during labour that weren't totally ok for them and been able to put it out of their mind?

I'd rather shoot myself in the head give birth alone than have pil look after dd. But that's just me.
I would say durin labour your needs should come above dh so If you don't feel comfortable with it, it could make things uncomfortable during labour. What would you like to happen?

No, your needs come above DH's. You have to feel comfortable with who your child is left with while you are in labour. The one pushing the baby out their fanjo/having their stomach cut open makes the rules here.

They sound like a PITA. If your nanny and your mum are available and willing, I'd stick with them.

Thanks both. Am going to have a convo with dh later. At least this way they will meet him (briefly!) and then we don't have to worry about them descending on us a week later and sulking if we don't let them stay in the spare room... Cant decide how much value to put on this.

I would at this point be saying no more of them looking after the dds at night for the foreseeable future after last time and after the birth would go back to that stance. Is that quite an unfair/'using' thing?

I think we're going to use them. That way they can see the baby. Otherwise they will guilt trip dh until we give in and they will then invade for a weekend making a mess and focusing on them being grandparents by 'hogging' baby plus mils dd1 weirdness.

The second is such a horrible scenario that I am now ok with the childbirth thing! Will just be trying to push extra quick to get dh back Monday night!