scared after first birth experience

[fairyteepee]

Hello all,

Me and my husband have a wonderful 2 and a half yr old daughter and are feeling very broody for number 2 at the moment; HOWEVER with DD's birth i had to be induced on a drip, had 58 hr labour, ended in 2 hrs of pushing only to have an episiotomy, forceps and worst of all (for me) a 1800 ML hemorrage. They couldnt get my uterus to contract with drugs so had to have an exceptionally painful uterus "massage" which eventually worked.

The whole experience was terrifying for both me and my partner as i was told it was a "near miss" and were now balancing emotions of sheer fear and immense broodiness with respect to doing it all again.

I should add i had a very difficult pregnancy too with extreme morning sickness for 7 months as i am allergic to the hormone rise and therefore am guaranteed this again.

Just looking for peoples thoughts and experiences to help us decide whether to go for it again or be content with and enjoy our family of three.

anyone?

Hello,
I too had a traumatic time first time round 4 and a half years ago. It led to PTSD and PND, cue nearly 4 years of medication and therapy. I also had a debrief with a supervisor of midwives in November which was useful and reassured me that my body can do it. I too was medicalised and believe (as did the midwife) this resulted in the traumatic birth I had. I am now 30 weeks pregnant, feel completely relaxed about the birth and hoping to have a non medical birth at home.
I would suggest a debrief so that you understand everything that happened and you can also discuss the implications for your next birth.

I had a traumatic first birth (not as bad as yours though) and pregnancy. Morning sickness throughout and I was sick with colds flus the whole way through (and managed to catch CMV which was very stressful).
Induced for post dates, only 8 hours long but very painful (had a epidural). Let the epidural wear off for pushing but could not get baby out myself (lots of pushing no movement). Needed suction cup and had a 2nd degree tear and 600ml blood loss. Tear took 9 weeks to heal.

Second baby still had bad morning sickness. Since my last experience I was a bit paranoid about getting sick, eating the wrong thing but did not seem to catch every virus going around this time.
Went into labour spontaneously at 3 days post dates. 6 hour active labour, still very painful needing an epidural (epidural did not work very well initially so I used a bit too much which made my legs go completely dead before I go the pain relief I needed). Baby came out in 3 pushes even though I could not feel anything due to the dense epidural. No tear and I was feeling back to my usual self the next day.

Your other option is a scheduled c-section. There is nothing wrong with requesting a c-section (sounds like it would have been a better option for your first birth). If I had been in your situation I would go talk to someone about whether you are likely to have further issues this time round and if it was likely organise a c-section for your second.

I had a traumatic time with my first. Medicalised after light meconium in waters, midwife left me with trainee, failed to notice monitor not working and dd's heart rate dropping. Attempted ventouse and forceps with only local anaesthetic followed by EMCS with 7 mins to get dd out.

I went on to attempt vbac with dd2, I stayed at home as long as possible during labour to avoid intervention and wrote a really detailed birth plan. Even though she got stuck and was an EMCS I was more prepared for that eventuality and coped better.

Birth three although elcs, was very traumatic, but I was prepared for the worst ahead of time, so it made it manageable.

I think it would be worth having a debrief as lizhow suggested and getting really clear about what kind of birth you want, vaginal or elcs and what intervention you will accept I.e you can refuse induction and go straight to cs if labour doesn't happen naturally. If you push for elcs because of previous birth trauma they might agree.

I found speaking to

Birth Crisis after my third birth helpful

Also hypnobirthing techniques to help you remain calm during the deliverty (even if cs) if you do decide to have another child might help. I found breathing really helped me stay calm during my 2nd and 3rd deliveries.

If you push for elcs because of previous birth trauma they might agree

thankfully I didn't have to push i told the consultant how I felt about the first birth and she agreed it would be the best thing for me.

it comes with its own set of risks, but the narrower risks and whole planned nature of it- suited me and my personality so much more than the un certainly and risks of natural labour.

with my first I looked back on birth for 5 years with fear....now the elc however never crosses my mind and I rememver it moslty as a good experience
the pain in labour stayed with me for years, but the recovery from the op doesnt cross my mind.

its an option.