Any advice for birth partners?

[Peddy]

I'm due to give birth in 10 weeks and my dh and I are signing up for various ante-natal classes (from nct, my preg yoga teacher, etc). At this stage I've had so much positive input that I feel really confident about birth but I'm concerned that my hubby may feel out of his depth and at a loss for what to do during the 24+ hours! We can't afford a doula and sadly the only other woman I'd have liked to be at the birth is now in heaven. What did your birth partners do that worked for you during your births? Any advice for my dh?

the best thing that my dh did was to just go with my mood and be there.To be quiet when i wanted him to, most importantly for me-not to touch me while i was having contractions, to get me water when i needed it( the gas and air dries your mouth out).I was very hot when in the pool and ahving him pour cold water over me was bliss.To speak on my behalf when i unable to-so make sure he knows what you want.
i spent most of second labour in that position they teach you at nct-standing up with arms round dh's neck leaning forward on him!

We went to an NCT class which was great because as you suggest you have done lots of reading but hubby hasn't. After DD was born during midwife that was at birth visited and said the doctor was very impressed with DH nad wondered if he would consider offering his services professionally
Basically he was there to respond to my hand clenching!! During early stages of birth I told him that I would squeeze his hand when contraction started and stop when it stopped so he would know when to start timer (for his benefit make sure you cut your nails). I also just said stop and start for some contractions! During the birth having him there to hold my hand was great but he also had to be very in tune with my body language to move away when I wanted. During late stages when I was shattered he was very encouraging (not in a patronising way!). I think your hubby will be much better after doing classes - main thing is that he listens to you and also that he is clear on your wishes before hand so that if you are not in a position to let your feelings known to midwife that he will step in. I think it is an experience that should be shared with hubby rather than any one else!

Take a book and some food with him. You'll obviously have something to do, but if the first part of labour take a while he'll need something to distract him. I spent 8 hours pacing up and down the labour ward with DS1, and with all the good intentions in the world Dh couldn't just sit there and watch me all day! I just needed him to be there, not to do anything specfic, just to not leave me doing it by myself. I cheated a bit though, I also had my Mum there to 'bully' me through the hard bits - like when DSs head was out, and I refused to push anymore because his shoulders were wider than his head............so really rational thinking from me! Dh did all the silent handholding stuff, but I just felt safer and more in control knowing he was with me (sounds a bit soft, sorry!)

we didnt even think about this tbh. he just did what he did.
whatever i asked him basically, otherwise he was just watching and encouraging me. will agree that him touching me only when i asked him to helped.
when the moment came he was at the business end watching and i didnt want him near me then, i was concentrating. i could see his face and that told me what was going on, he was in awe. it was very sweet!
he took a clean shirt and money for food/drinks and the camera and mobile to go outside with to make all the phonecalls.
the best thing they can do for you is to keep encouraging you all the time.

Most useful was my DH helping me do my breathing through the contractions, instructing me to breath in or out or pant (that sounds odd, do I meant blow?, that sounds even worse). Gave me water when i indicated. After the first time he knew not to take offence when i swore. And i loved the tip about cutting your nails before all the heavy duty hand squeezing starts. Generally he has to put you first and respond to your needs at all times, be your slave .

We've been talking about this a lot. Make sure he knows your birth plan so he can advise/advocate for you. Also, if you're taking other, more natural things (oils; homeopathic things etc), make sure he knows where it all is so he can fetch for you!!

Peddy, don't worry about the length of labour and what he will do for '24+ hours'. My first was 3 hours start to finish, dh didn't have time to feel at a loss!!

...and I meant to add, hope you have your baby quickly and safely too!

we were allowed to bring our own music in so he was responsible for changing the CDs as well - I don't think there was any music playing when DD arrived though so he must have been otherwise occupied

You're such a bunch of sweeties, thanks so much for your advice!

Peddy xx