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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

DH going away when I'm 37 weeks

40 replies

PandaWatch · 25/02/2013 16:46

DH has been offered the chance to go on a work trip to the Far East which will bring him back when I'll be 37+4. This is our first DC so can't go on any previous births but I don't have any obvious indicators for a pre-term birth and would have plenty of support around me for the week he's away so I've said to him he should go, as I know he'll have an amazing time. However I know he would be really upset if he missed the birth and I'm not sure if I'm being crazy by telling him it will all be fine!

So straw poll - WWYD?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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cravingcake · 25/02/2013 17:05

My DH works away sometimes and is about a 5 hour drive away. His last week working away while I was pregnant was when I was 38 weeks. My DS decided he wanted to arrive early and my waters broke on the morning DH was due to come home (he left immediately rather than working that day). However, it took 4 days from waters breaking to DS finally arriving.

I would say let him go, but make sure you are BOTH alright with this. You need to ask yourself how you would feel also if you were to go into labour early without your DH there.

Chances are all will be fine. However, I would make sure you have checked with both his work and the airlines how quickly and easily he could get back if he needed to.

Original poster

PandaWatch · 25/02/2013 17:22

I think I'm more relaxed about it than he is! But I think that's only because I've convinced myself there's no way I'd go into labour that early. It would be really sad if he missed it though, for both of us. I'm not worried about the lack of support through labour as my mum would be on hand to step in but it of course wouldn't be the same and I'd hate for him to miss out as much as I'd miss his support.

Checking on emergency routes back is probably a good plan!

Undoubtedly if he doesn't go I'll end up going two weeks over or something! Grr...

OP posts:

PastaBeeandCheese · 25/02/2013 17:31

My DH works abroad a lot. I asked him to stay home from 37 weeks. I didn't have any support beyond friends though and I desperately wanted him to be there.

Original poster

PandaWatch · 25/02/2013 17:38

It's so frustrating because if it was a week earlier I'd say definitely yes and if it was a week later I'd say definitely no. Arghhhh!!

OP posts:

Fairypants · 25/02/2013 17:40

I think you need to assume there is a reasonable chance he could miss it and make sure he is happy to take that chance - you wouldn't want him to blame you for encouraging him to go if he does miss it.
Realistically, he would be highly unlikely to get back to the uk (assuming that's where you are) from the Middle East in time but having the info to hand would mean he could be back maybe the next day?
Personally, I wouldn't risk it but I don't have a mum to take dh's place.

PastaBeeandCheese · 25/02/2013 17:43

With hindsight I was possibly being precious as my DD arrived at 40+3 and I worked up to 38 weeks but equally my entire labour was 12 hours so he'd have missed it if he'd been abroad.

Is there no chance the trip could be brought forward / will it be repeated? DH works abroad all the time so he wasn't missing anything iyswim.

AThingInYourLife · 25/02/2013 17:45

I would risk it.

But then I've never gone into spontaneous labour and have had two 42 week pregnancies :o

Given how you feel, probably best to let him decide whether he wants to risk missing it.

It's possible he will, but not likely.

Original poster

PandaWatch · 25/02/2013 17:54

It hopefully won't be the only opportunity he'll get and getting back in time, as Fairypants says, probably isn't going to happen if I do go into labour (at least I hope I'm not going to have a labour that long!).

DH does seem to think I'm some sort of pregnancy/baby oracle so is totally trusting my judgment (nothing like a bit of added pressure! ) but I think maybe it's just not worth the risk, unless it can be brought forward a bit.

I'm also slightly concerned my currently relaxed attitude might stem from slight first timers denial and when 37 weeks rolls around the idea of him being away would completely freak me out!

Thanks for talking it through with me!

OP posts:

PixelAteMyFace · 25/02/2013 17:55

Its sods law that if you ask him not to go, you will exceed 40 weeks.

HTH

Original poster

PandaWatch · 25/02/2013 17:56

Oh no - x post with AThing!

Now I'm undecided again! Think I need to talk it through with DH...

OP posts:

Original poster

PandaWatch · 25/02/2013 17:57

Exactly Pixel. Where's a reliable crystal ball when you need one?

OP posts:

AThingInYourLife · 25/02/2013 19:38

Just let him decide.

It seems there's no wrong answer as far as you are concerned, so why should you be the one worrying about whether he goes?

You might be right about being freaked out at the idea of him being away when it gets that close.

There was a brilliant thread here once by a woman who mildly freaked out when her DH went to the pub around the corner. :o

cocktailhour · 25/02/2013 19:40

My husband had his final pre-birth trip abroad last week (I was 36 weeks) and although this was long planned and I was totally cool with it, I was unprepared for how tired it made me! Maybe I'm being a mega-primadonna but I realized just how much he has picked up around the house (all dog walking for instance plus majority of housework) in the last month or so. My two cents: make sure it won't drain you to have him away! Plus ironclad emergency flight arrangements!

Snazzynewyear · 25/02/2013 19:43

It's not that unusual to give birth in the 37-40 week range, and the Far East is a long flight - it's not like he's in France or somewhere he could come back from in a matter of 3-4 hours. I would be inclined to nix it, though I agree with Pixel that if you do this you're then guaranteed to hang on till 40+10 or whenever they induce you. Still, I wouldn't underestimate the feelings you will have at the birth and the happiness you would both have at being there together to share those. In your position I would say don't go.

iloveholidays · 25/02/2013 20:29

I wouldn't risk it although I had DD1 at 36+2!!! :)

I always make my decision on what I would regret most... Not going or missing the birth....?

iloveholidays · 25/02/2013 20:30

Sorry if that sounded harsh but think you need to both be entirely comfortable with what could happen.

Noodled · 25/02/2013 20:33

1st baby 37 weeks and 4hrs from first contraction. Just saying.... if he goes so will you if he stays you will get to 42:)

leannac · 25/02/2013 20:36

My DH wanted to go away with work from 34.5-37.5 wks to Tanzania where he was 2-3 days travel away. I am on dc2 & dc1 came on due date so was expecting to go a little earlier this time. I said he should go & he did but it was a really hard time for me when he was away, being that heavily pregnant & having to do everything myself. I was looking after a 21 month old though which prob made a huge difference!
As it was we both spent the entire time on edge that he might miss the birth & I'm now nearly 40wks & still nothing!

HPsauceonbaconbuttiesmmm · 25/02/2013 21:16

First baby with supportive dm? I'd say go, but then DS arrived at 40+13! I do agree that he's hold make the choice though, as you're ok with either. Don't let him be able to hold this against you if baby does turn up earlier than expected.

I found out, when late with DS, that the average gestation for first time mums (Caucasian, don't know about other) is 41+3. So likelihood is you will go overdue. But it all comes down to risk and how badly you want home there/ he wats to be there. If either of you couldn't bear the thought of him missing it, then he shouldn't go.

TravelinColour · 25/02/2013 21:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sittinginthesun · 25/02/2013 21:21

I'm trying to think back to DS1 - think our cut off was 38 weeks. But it was only Europe, so DH could have got back fairly quickly.

DS2 arrived at 36 plus 5. DH was away over night, but in UK. I had to phone him in the middle of a meeting to tell him my waters had gone.

In your position, I would probably be okay about it (but DH was pretty useless when I was in labour anyway ).

Startail · 25/02/2013 21:28

I'd let him go, babies have a nose for when and when not to be born.

DD1 was born exactly as she was due to be induced (small for dates at 39weeks). DD2 was a HB and she appeared over night 3minutes before her sister woke up.

I'd bet money that your body will sen not this week signals and it will be fine.

alarkaspree · 25/02/2013 21:34

I think you have been too reassuring. You've basically told him that you're sure you won't go into labour while he's away and obviously you can't really guarantee that. Talk to him again and tell him exactly how you really feel. Either that you're happy for the decision to be his, that there's a chance that he would miss the birth of the baby but you are okay with taking that risk if he is. Or that you feel strongly that he should be at the birth and you don't think he should go.

In a year it probably won't seem that important whether he was there or not, but you should try to be sure in your own mind that you won't feel resentful if he does miss it.

You should also make sure that his work are aware that if he goes there's a chance that he will have to rush home half-way through the trip. They might prefer to send someone else under the circumstances.

duchesse · 25/02/2013 21:55

Chances are you'll be fine. You should get some warning of impending labour in the days running up to it. Can he pull out of the trip closer to the time if you're looking a bit parturient?

bettybyebye · 25/02/2013 22:08

I had my son in November when I was 37+2. First baby, no indicators of pre term labour (ie completely healthy and straightforward low risk pregnancy) and no signs of imminent labour in the days leading up to my waters breaking. DS was born less than 12 hours after my waters broke.

Although it Is unlikely you need to accept that it is possible you could give birth while your DH is away. If you are ok with him missing the birth then let him go. Fwiw I would have said no...

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