Any suggestions on ways to alleviate anxiety of giving birth second time?

[clarehk]

I'm 35 weeks with DC2, had a very traumatic labour and delivery with DD1. 40 hour labour, failed epidural, staff wouldn't let hubby in until delivery ... I am now starting to get panic attacks about giving birth second time round. Haven't done any antenatal classes.
Does anyone have any suggestions of things I can do to calm myself down during the next few weeks before labour?

I had a bad time with DC1 as well. For DC2 (now 11 weeks old) I had a doula, saw a hypnotherapist and practiced the hypnotherapy recordings she gave me. It really helped calm me down before the birth, and the birth itself went very well.

If you can at all manage either of those things financially then I highly recommend that you do so. The money I paid the doula was some of the best money I've ever spent.

Can you meet with a midwife, or Supervisor of Midwives, to go through your notes from last time to help you write your birth plan for dc2?

Maybe, Hypnobirthing?

Ante-natal yoga?

Counselling? PTSD? CBT?

Hi, not sure I can offer any advice but you have my sympathy. I've just found out I'm expecting DC2 after similarly traumatic birth of DC1 and I'm dreading labour already. Really hope it all goes smoothly for you this time.

I also had a horrendous birth with my DS, and it put me off having another child for quite a while as the thought of going through it again was incredibly anxiety provoking.

Second time around the birth of my DD was more perfect and straightforward than I could ever have imagined. It was a completely different experience.

What helped me with my anxiety in the run up to the birth was a couple of sessions with an amazing reflexologist who specialised in pre and post natal women. I found it incredibly relaxing and felt my body was physically being prepared for the birth (she worked on the uterus and cervix areas). I also talked it through with my midwife which was helpful and just tried to keep a check on my anxiety, reminding myself there was no reason to think the same thing would happen again (easier said than done I know).

Good luck

natal hypnotherapy cd might help to give you confidence?

I had exactly the same feelings after the birth of my first dc. I fell pregnant 6 months later by accident and the memory of the birth had not faded at all, I was terrified. The birth could not have been better. The pain only kicked in when I was pushing and ds was born within a few pushes. It was the most wonderful, positive experience I've had. Dd was back to back hence the pain so I did lots of swimming to help and didn't put on much weight as I had with dd and I'm sure that helped too. Good luck and it may not be as bad as you think imo!

I can reccommend a fantastic book to help give you confidence in your ability to cope with labour and birth, it's called 'Birth Skills; proven pain management techniques for labour and birth' by JuJu Sundin.

I had DD2 less than 12months after DD1, I found the pain really hard to cope with first time (on no pain relief, the gas and air sat redundant in one corner), ended up losing control and becoming very hysterical (have never experienced hysteria before and was quite terrified) I think my biggest fear was a repeat of that - I managed to instinctively talk to myself second time round, telling myself to keep calm it was only going to worsen, to breathe and keep moving, not to get excited the pain was only going to increase. I repeated this over and over both verbally and inwardly. When DD2 arrived minutes after the midwife had, I was stunned! I had managed to convince myself the pain was so low-level I was shocked I'd got through the whole process just breathing and talking to myself with no help from a birth partner or midwife.

Disclaimer: I was super confident with DS (DC#3) and he was an absolute nightmare (took hours and hours, incredible agony, gas and air, he was horrendous)

"Hubby not allowed in until just before delivery" You need to complain like hell for this and the trust should be bending over backwards to apologise and accommodate you in every way possible. The midwife who did this to me a decade ago was disciplined by the trust and chose to resign before she was dismissed! My only regret is that I left it months before I complained and other women had to endure her!

Sorry to rant, but that part of your post has really hit a nerve!

I don't think I ever really had any faith that the birth second time would be easier, (although it was! 4 hours rather than 15, much less painful as no ARM or sythetic oxytocin drip and the hospital, (possibly in fear of litigation) wouldn't have dared ask hubby to leave at any point,) but I built my confidence by learning to complain, talking to AIMS, and learning to be a demanding pain in the arse to get my needs met. These are fabulous skills to have in order to advocate for your children, too. Don't feel guilty and Good luck:)

www.aims.org.uk/

Hire a doula. If you can't afford one, look at doula uk, they have ways to help people who can't afford. And definitely speak to the supervisor of midwives.

Look into hypnobirthing and or hire a doula that you click with. You need to debrief your previous birth so that you are able to move on x

thanks for all the advice. Forgot to mention I live in Hong Kong and the hospital I had DC1 at had a policy at the time not to let in partners/husbands until just before delivery. I have changed hospitals this time and have been assured hubby will be allowed in the labour room with me. Doula's are prohibitively expensive here so it's not really an option.

Am currently reading about hypnobirthing and have booked a private antenatal home visit next week , hoping to learn some relaxation methods and breathing exercises. Am starting to feel calmer the more I talk it through!

Hello

I got stressed before my last baby - as it was a c-section and found hypno birthing CD's useful from natal hypnotherapy. They do a range for all births though.
It's not nice being stressed - try focussing on seeing your baby and not the birth - but I know that's easier said than done.

Melanie

I read a book called blooming birth which was really positive and empowering after a less than rosy first time experience..

Natal hypnotherapy cd is great - I listened to it lots before ds1 and only about twice before dd2 and fell asleep during it, but I just found it relaxing and calming. Labour is entirely different second time round and usually a lot quicker. My first labour was 13 hours, second labour was 3 hours. I had an epidural with ds1, no time for any pain relief with dd2! Have a chat to your midwife as well for more reassurance. x